My Ebenezer

….in a one horse open sleigh, or in our case, in a white mini-van! If you’re confused, you probably haven’t read Here Comes Santa Claus. Christmas is coming - though the minivan can hardly be compared to a sleigh, soon it will carry the most precious gifts!

I look in the rearview mirror at the empty seats behind me and I smile. Six months ago, those empty seats would have been a reminder of an empty womb and a bottomless hole in my heart; time and perspective can change everything. Now I look at those empty seats and I see hope - I see a future - I see God’s Grace.

We attended our fist “real” parenting class tonight and focused mainly on how a child feels when he or she is removed from his/her home. Think about that for a minute - what plans do you have for tomorrow and the next day? Imagine being taken away from everything that is familiar to you - the birthday party that was scheduled for next Saturday, your best friend next door, even your mom and dad. It’s all gone in a heartbeat. Regardless of the condition you live in, you are terrified when you’re taken away. I wonder what that is like for a 1 year old….a 2 year old? Pray for our kids, wherever they are tonight. Pray that God will protect them and give them a sense of peace in whatever situation they are in. Pray that someone is hugging them and showering them with kisses.

Christmas is coming not only for us, but also for them. Pray that God paves the way for us to find each other. Pray that God prepares us to be as much of a gift to them as we know they will be to us.

*We bought the minivan to make room for our growing family - to make room for the gifts we believe God has for us. I wonder how often I’ve missed out on His blessings because I wasn’t willing to make room for them? Is there something you need to get rid of to make room for more of Him?

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What a cRaZy weekend! We sold the Jeep on Saturday to the first people who actually came to look at it1 Praise God! We even got more than we were willing to accept for it which is wonderful!

…and we bough a minivan today. I am now a minivan driver. NOt sure how I feel about that. It looks funny sitting in our driveway, like it doesn’t quite belong, but I guess it will grow on me. Looking at minivans this morning was a lot of fun.

My friend Sarah came with me while Daddy-O was at work and we test drove one that had a built in DVD (VCR) player (the one we bought did not). Anyway, I’m driving around while Sarah is sitting in the back watching Shrek - we HAD to try it out - and then I was trying to figure out how all the audio worked. I’d hit a button and Sarah would scream like a little kid - she said I needed to practice hearing that while I was driving! So maybe you had to be there, but it was really funny.

Daddy-O and I decided on a white KIA Sedona - it isn’t the best but it’s in our budget! The best part is that it is a 2005 and only has 25,000 miles on it. Most of hte ones we looked at in our price range had at least 50,000 miles on them so we’re grateful. Anyway, I’m dead tired so I’ll take some pictures tomorrow and get them posted - I know you are DYING to see our new minivan. I’m dying to see it with our kids in it! CAn’t wait……

Cindy

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We are both officially certified in CPR/First Aid - we even have cards to prove it! It is part of the requirements for fostering/adopting and we wanted to get it out of the way!

Our first parenting class was last night and it was more of an introduction session than anything else. Our agency has about 10 people going through the training this month and we got to meet them - nothing like what we expected. I guess I imagined there would be several couples there who were “like us” - unsuccessful in conceiving a child. No one else there fell into that category. Most of the couples were older and had children already that were in their teens or even in college. There was one single lady who was widowed several years ago and never had any children. The couple that amazed me the most was a man who was 24 and his wife who was 22. They expressed a desire to provide a home for a sibling group so they could all stay together. They felt this was their “calling”.

We did learn some things - a bit more about how the “system” works. Great news, we learned that once children are placed with us, we should know within ten days what our chances are of getting to adopt those children. Nothing will be final until the ink has dried, but we should have a confidence level of about 80% or so. (I like to quantify our risk for some reason, like it is possible to quantify an emotional risk!) That is exciting news for us and we both feel more comfortable with the foster to adopt route.

I know you are praying for us and we appreciate it so much. God continues to smile on us with little blessings along the way - some of which you would never believe, even if I chose to share them here. Know that God is faithful.

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I can’t think about much else these days. I’m going to be a mom. It sounds wierd to even write it - me, a mommy. My husband will be a daddy. It’s overwhelming! And it could happen in less than 3 months. Wow. I know I am totally rambling here, but I just can’t help it. I drive a fun vehicle that is not suitable for carting small kids around so we’ve put an ad in the paper to sale it. We’re going to buy a mini-van! Yikes! I’ll let you in on a little secret…..I am THRILLED! I can’t say that to just anyone, it is a mini-van afterall and I swore I’d never drive one. But I can’t wait. I can’t wait to drive my kids around in our mini-van! I can’t wait to have a car messy from spilled cherios and juice and …. I just can’t wait!

I joke with my friends about how we’re trying to take all the naps we can because I know before long we won’t be able to take any. I laugh and just agree when they tell me I will miss it. You want to know another secret? I can’t wait for the day that I am so tired and can not take a nap because I have a little one to take care of. I know I will get frusturated and tired and I can’t wait for the tears to come…..to cry out of exhaustion and frustration over my children. Secretly, I just can’t wait.

Don’t get me wrong, I know things will not always be perfect - i don’t expect them to be. I don’t want them to be. I know there will be days when I feel like I just can’t go on….but I can’t wait. Am I crazy?

The lady who will be doing our Home Study called tonight to let me know what to expect. We won’t talk again until towards the middle/end of June when we finish our classes. She wanted to let me know that she works fast and doesn’t stretch the home study or the paperwork out for months at a time. That both thrilled and terrified me. So deep breath, and here…….. we……….. go…………..

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Today I am feeling completely overwhelmed. The Adoption Lady called again to tell me that “Grace” is coming back and will officially flip for adoption. She listed several more children who are available for adoption right now in our area - it’s overwhelming because there is nothing I can do about any of it. I want to grab the reins and take control but it isn’t possible - even if I could, I know that the control belongs to God. Why is it so tempting to try and take it away from Him?

I think another reason for me feeling overwhelmed is that this is all getting closer with each passing day. I mean, the idea of a child or children sounds wonderful - but the reality is terrifying to me. All of my friends who have given birth tell me that they went through the same feelings of fear and anxiety before their children were born. I guess when you face such a huge change, you can’t help but be a little scared.

Acknowledging my anxiety helps to ease it. Thanks for listening.

Phil 4:6-7
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.NKJV

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I feel like a kid the day before Christmas. I know something great is coming, and I know I’m going to love it, but i’m not sure exactly what it is. This is going to be the best Christmas ever.

I haven’t lost my mind - I know it is only May and December. The Christmas I’m talking about is our adoption. It never ceases to amaze me how God smiles on us and gives us little nudges and little blessings along the way. Besides, this year, Christmas could come in July.

I got a call yesterday from The Adoption Lady - she is an angel that God has sent to guide us through this whole thing - and she wanted to tell me about a “situation”. There’s a little boy who is two years old and currently in foster care. His birth mother is pregnant and due in July. The agency is looking for a home to place both boys in a Legal Risk Adoption. She wanted to make sure that we would be interested before she pushed for this to happen - OF COURSE WE’RE INTERESTED!!!!
Now, let me say for the record that I believe God already has our children picked out and I have NO DOUBT that He will faithfully lead us to each other. So, if this one doesn’t happen, then these kids belong to someone else. What excites me the most is to see God at work - this situation is a reminder to me that He is still in control and He will make this all happen in His time. It also has me thinking that He can and may just make it happen really fast, so we need to be ready!

I also want to say, for the official record, that my heart breaks when I pray for my kids. I believe that at least one of them is most likely already here on earth and I shudder to think of the situation he/she may be in. I pray for God’s protection for him/her and also for the birthparents. It is an amazing thing how God has given me compassion for the birthparents - I can usually be found guilty of being judgemental but not when it comes to this. I don’t know the circumstances that people go through that make them who they are. When I pray for these kids, any of them, I pray that God will work out what is best for the children. These two boys are a perfect example, as much as I would love to claim them as our own - they belong to God and He already has a plan for their lives. I pray for His will and for the best He has for them, not for me. I don’t know and can not judge when a parent may be able to pull it together and be what their kids need them to be - only God can know that. I’ll leave the judging up to Him but I’ll continue to pray.

Christmas is coming….the lights are out, the carolers are singing….there are presents under the tree and stockings hung by the fireplace… Christmas is coming….can you feel it?

Ps 118:29
29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good!His faithful love endures forever. NLT

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After 3 1/2 years of walking through the hazy defeat of infertility, we’ve finally decided to adopt. The decision has already impacted us in ways we never imagined possible. To say we are happier doesn’t come close to explaining the weight that has been lifted. It finally feels sunny again. For years, life just felt kind of “foggy.”

I won’t linger on that subject because we’ve closed that chapter of our lives and are eager to move forward. Instead, I’ll share with you the story of “Grace”. In January, our decision was made to stop fertility treatments but we had not yet taken steps toward adoption. A call from a friend changed everything.

A child we’ll call Grace was in foster care. She was 14 months old and her foster family was head over heels in love but could not adopt another child. My friend had a friend who knew Momma Foster and wanted to put me in touch with her. Information changed hands so many times, we weren’t sure what the story was; one thing we knew for sure was that Grace had been given to us through a child we’ll call Grace.

It took a week for us to get in touch with my friend’s friend - the one who knew Momma Foster - because they were on vacation for a week. That week gave us the time we needed to decide this really is what we want to do. We knew we’d adopt eventually but just hadn’t yet felt like the timing was right - until Grace. This story is not so much about the child we call Grace as it is about God’s Grace - the way we feel God helped “move us along” in our adoption process.

You see, during that week I felt a tug on my heart telling me that I should call “The Adoption Lady”. “The Adoption Lady” is a lady I remembered hearing about a few years ago - she goes to our church and has adopted several children and fostered more than fifty. I spoke with The Adoption Lady years ago but couldn’t remember her name and just kept pushing aside the prompting I felt in my heart to call her. I knew she would be a great resource to guide us through the process, but I wanted to talk with Momma Foster before anyone else. So I waited. A week has never passed more slowly.

Finally, I talked to the friend of my friend and she told me what she knew of Grace. She wanted to put me in touch with Momma Foster right away so I could get even more information and find out what steps to take. Then she took my breath away. She told me the name of Momma Foster - Momma Foster is The Adoption Lady! Momma Foster and I had a long talk that night and I when I hung up the phone I was more certain than ever that Grace had entered my life. For me, this was God’s way of pointing us in the right direction. He knows where our children are and He’s guiding us to them.

Because I know you are wondering, Grace is not likely the child God has for us. The story was never about her, but about Him. And us. God used Grace to show us Grace.

2 Corinthians 12:8-9 “Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”NKJV

Cindy

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