My Ebenezer

I feel like we are pregnant in so many ways. I mean, we are pregnant. We are expecting, just not in the same sense as a couple who is having a biological child. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be worrying about labor and delivery on top of all the other things expecting parents are dealing with.

This morning, one of my favorite friends came into church and sat her 8 1/2 month pregnant self down next to me. I was thrilled to see her and it’s so much fun to see her belly button sticking out. (for the record, this was seen poking through her shirt, she was not wearing a navel revealing shirt to church….or anywhere else for that matter.)

Anyway, it’s always so much fun to see her and talk with her because she is also expecting a child. We talk about how exciting it is yet how scary it is at the same time. She’s thinking about the actual delivery as well as wondering how she’ll figure out what to do with a newborn baby at home. I wonder what we’ll do with our kids and if we’ll be able to figure it all out, but at least I don’t have to worry about the possibility of a doctor cutting my stomach….OR WORSE….to get a baby out of me.

It’s funny, we tried for years to get pregnant and now I see so many benefits of not being pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I still grieve for the lost experience but I’ve realized something lately. Though I do think it would be wonderful to see what a combination of Daddy-O and I would look like, to see our genes all meshed together in a child, I really don’t grieve that loss.

When I find myself getting the baby blues, it’s because I won’t get to experience a child moving inside me. (though that does freak me out and I can’t say I’m terribly disapointed about missing it) Let’s face it, if you know me at all you know I am an attention junkie so I also miss getting all the baby attention. You know what I mean, you see a pregnant lady and if you make any small talk your first question is about her due date. Someone asked my friend this morning when she was due and then gave her that tilted-head-smile because her date is just a couple of weeks away. I wanted to say, I’m Due Too! Any day now, actually…..just waiting for that phone to ring! hee hee hee

It’s not that I’m resentful or bitter, it’s just that I am so overwhelmed with joy and excitement about our “pregnancy” that I want to tell everyone about it. I want to talk about it more often, though Daddy-O would tell you this isn’t possible! I rarely think about misisng out on having a biological child with my husband….it’s the little things I miss. I guess I really don’t even think of our child as being any different. Afterall, Daddy-O and I are not genetically linked (at least not that I know of) and I love him with all my heart and he is my family.

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