My Ebenezer

• Why Ebenezer
• Category 2
• Category 3
• Category 4
• Category 5
• Category 6
• Category 7

I won’t go in to all the sordid details, but we emailed a letter to S’s supervisor today and copied the CEO of the agency on it. Yep, you heard me right. I said C E O. We felt led to share what happened in our meeting and I think we made the right decision. I feel a peace about it.

It wasn’t a scathing letter attacking S’s character – it simply stated the facts and we also requested another case worker. I’m anxious to see what the response will be, hopefully, we won’t be brushed off. I don’t think we will. How she treated us in that meeting was just wrong, regardless of how overwhelmed or burned out she was. Her superiors need to know how she treats families. Now they do. What they do about it is up to them.

If they choose not to work with us, we’ll just go somewhere else. We trust that God is in control and we’ll be where He wants us. Although I’m feeling like Billy Badasssssprin right now, you should know that while the letter certainly highlighted the poor behavior of S, it was not an attack on her character. It was very professional. You know, we hesitated to do anything because we kinda felt like we were just at their mercy – and that was such a yucky feeling. It felt like they had all the power and control and stood between us and our kids. I guess writing that letter made me feel like we were taking our power back.

So hear this S, we will fight you tooth and nail for our kids. You don’t stand a chance.

And if we don’t get a new case worker, they’re all going to find out who Curtis Henderson was.

Oh, and here’s a happy little fact for you. God smiled on us today. Here is a conversation I had with a friend a couple of weeks ago (she is studying to get her masters in Social Work at U of H):

Brit: There’s a girl in my class named Suzy who works for CPS, I think she works with the babies and toddlers

Me: Um, Hellloooooooo? You should totally tell her about us!

Brit: I will….I don’t know if it will help but I will.

Me: You never know, I know one of the kids (Superman) we were submitted on has a caseworker named Suzy. Probably not the same one, but you never know. Our last name is very uncommon….she would remember it.

Brit: ya, that’s true. I’ll mention you to her.

And this is a message I got from Brit earlier today:

Brit: You won’t believe this. I talked to Suzy today and told her about you and Daddy-O. And she said, “hmmmm….I have their homestudy on my desk right now.” She hasn’t read it yet but she made a note to read when she gets back to work.

and that, my friends, is God smiling.

This afternoon, I got to hold the most beautiful baby boy. I drove to Melony’s and got to hold her new son – and he is so adorable! He is such a happy baby – always smiling and laughing. It was surreal to hold him and feed him and even have him spit up all over me. I’m so happy for the Shorthorns! I can not tell you how it feels to hold the answer to a prayer in my arms. And did I mention how absolutely beautiful he is? He is precious, just precious.

I can’t imagine what it will be like to hold our child that way. Sometimes it feels like it will never happen. We’ve been planning for it for so long and at times I can almost taste it….but then sometimes it seems so far beyond my reach. I know that the moment that child is placed in my arms it will have been worth every second of waiting.

Chuzzle will keep me entertained for a while and I’m glad to hear from many of you that my little addiction is widespread. I wonder, how many of you are playing when you’re supposed to be working?

Here’s another way you can entertain yourself. Karen told me about this site on Baby Names – you can type in a name and see how popular it has been over the last few decades. Pretty cool. If you want to give your baby a name from 1880, this is the site for you.

I expected to be a little sad if I got this news, but I’m not. We were not selected to go to the four-way on Kay. So this isn’t the one. I can’t wait to see who is.

I’m amazed at how many people have told me they are now addicted to Bounce Out! It is a fun game but I’ve moved on to bigger and better things. So, see what I’ve been doing lately for entertainment. I’ve got to do something while I wait!

Adding to my list of growing addictions, I’m also unable to stop playing Play Station – some stupid game that I can not resist. I’m sure I’ll spend more hours than i should this week in front of the tv. Oh well. I can see it now….“No, you may not play anymore playstation today……….it’s mommy’s turn!”

Go Astros!

First, Mouthy Mom announced the upcoming addition of Baby H to their family, and possibly baby J as well! My heart sung with delight when I read her happy news.

Next, Melony (aka Shorthorns) got her great news…..a baby boy, named Canaan to join her family NEXT WEEK. (I’ll be there Wed, Mel! I can’t wait) I can not wait to hold this tiny answer to prayer in my arms!

Now, it’s Stacy’s turn! She got her girls – that’s right, TWO of them! Woo-Hoo! My heart is so full for you – I know you’ve been praying for this for a long time. I’m just thrilled! Congratulations!

So many happy beginnings of new families – how can I not be overjoyed at all God is doing their lives? And I know He is busy working in ours as well. Thank you for your words of encouragement after our meeting with S. And thank you for your anger as well!

The meeting with S makes me angry, but it also makes me sad. Although S works for a private agency and is therefore less overworked than a CPS worker, she is still overworked, I’m sure. I know these private agencies are regulated and I know these workers get burned out – my heart goes out to them. But we are GOOD family and we are going to provide a wonderful, loving home for a child. We deserve the respect of your attention, S, if nothing else.

I get frustrated because there are things I feel she should have known about us but she didn’t. For example, I am a stay at home mom. She was very surprised to hear that and that really ticked me off. For those of you in the adoption community, you understand the importance of being a SAHM and how that looks on your homestudy. Social workers like to see that we are going to stay home with the kids they are placing into our care. My point is, S has submitted us on a few children and I know she has talked to some of their workers. In “selling” us, she should have known we were a SAHM family. I don’t know why that bugs me so much, it just does.

I’m sure she has quite a caseload and doesn’t remember everything about everyone. But keep in mind she is responsible for matching us with children! She needs to know our facts. She is going to be representing us.

I do feel for her. But, unlike many CPS social workers, I don’t think all of the case workers in this agency are as burned out as S is. Right now, I have to believe there is a reason why S is our case worker. I am encouraging her and reminding her that she is making dreams come true for so many families. There may come a time when we want to request a new worker and we will not hesitate to that when and if the times comes. In the meantime, I’m going to make sure she doesn’t forget our “facts”. I’m going to make sure that she knows more of who we are. And I’ll do it creatively.

Okay, while I’m griping – because I’m not griping to her, you see, this is going to be my outlet. She didn’t know if we had submitted a mini-scrapbook or not. She didn’t even have our file in her office. If she is actively trying to match us with a child, shouldn’t she be a little more familiar with our file? This scrapbook thing stands out, every time you pick up our folder, you can see it is there. BLEH!

Okay, I’m done for now. Please help me pray for S. Pray that God will pour out His richest blessings on her. Pray that she would be overwhelmed with His Goodness and Grace. Pray that she remembers the important facts about us and that God gives her wisdom and discernment in matching. Please also pray that we will be an encouragement to her.

As long as I’m begging for prayers, would you also pray for wisdom on discernment on our part? We believe God is who He says He is and we believe God can do what He says He can do. We believe He has our children in the palm of His hands and we trust Him to get them to us. To God be the glory.

I’m going to give you a summary of yesterday’s meeting with S. I’d really like to know your thoughts. I will not exaggerate any aspect, these are just the facts, folks. Believe it or not.

We arrive at the office to meet with S at 3:50pm. About 4:05pm the director walks through the small lobby and out the front door….30 seconds later, S comes running through hollering for the director. They both go back through the office and I hear S say something about “she has a bruise”. I should also mention that S acknowledged us and apologized for making us wait as she was running through the office.

We aren’t idiots so we conclude there is a crisis with one of her placements. I don’t care how badly we want our kids, if another child is potentially in trouble that trumps us. Always. And it should.

About 4:20pm S steps into the lobby and says, “ok, i’m going to just do this but ya’ll come on back…i’m so sorry” and then disappeared. We stepped into the hallway and had to poke around a bit before we found her office. She was on the phone and asked us to come into her office and close the door.

We sat and listened to her call a foster-to-adopt mother and ask her to bring the baby in….now. “there’s a situation,” she said. I then heard her say, “not right now…but I can talk in about 10 minutes.” So I’m thinking to myself, there is a crisis and she does not have time to meet with us. This will be short and simple and we’ll get out of her way so she can handle this.

I was wrong. When she got off the phone, she told us what was going on and that she was having to make and emergency placement, probably just respite for a few days, maybe a week. There had to be an investigation and she didn’t think anything would come of it but had to take precautions.

“oh, hi. I’m S, by the way. It’s nice to meet you. Sorry it’s under these circumstances.” I say something like, ” looks like you’re having a bad day.” S then goes on to tell us what’s going on, without giving away any names ofcourse. Basically, she has 2 kids placed in a foster to adopt home and CPS has one of them and she needs to get the baby back immediately. Kids will stay in another foster home pending an investigation.

S asks again what we’re looking for and as we’re answering she picks up the phone and dials a number. “go ahead and talk, i can still listen to you while I do this” She must have told me that at least 5 times during the entire meeting. When she wasn’t on the phone, she told us that she’s had a serious problem with families and discipline. She has one child in ICU because of it right now and then this situation. I tell her that she will never have to worry about that with us…that we would never hurt a child and will follow the very strict guidelines around no physical punishment. S says, AND I QUOTE, “Right now, I don’t want to place any more kids with families.” And I say jokingly, “oh no….you’ve got to do at least one more…for us!” I tell her that while I’m sorry she has had a run of bad luck lately, there are lots of families out there just like who she is helping to start or add to their family.

I dont’ remember the order of these conversations, all I remember is that the ENTIRE time we were talking – and I am NOT exaggerating – S was on the phone. Either answering it or calling someone, looking for a place to put those kids for the weekend. At some point in the conversation it occurs to her that we could take the baby home with us. “let me get a copy of your license,” she says. I remind her that we don’t have a license yet because SHE HASN’T SUBMITTED THE PAPERWORK. I remind her that the last time I asked her about it, she said it would take more than 24 hours and she would send it in once we had a match. THen she calls at least 5 different people trying to find out if we have to be licensed in order to provide respite care. Then she says that even if we aren’t licensed, she’ll send baby home with us and she’ll file our license first thing in the morning.

Okay, this is getting too long. I think you get the point. We were in her office for an hour and a half and I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. She had the phone to her ear for all but maybe 5 minutes of that time.

Somewhere in the mix of all that we talk about Kay and Super Man. She’s heard nothing on either. I ask if she’s had any luck getting in touch with Kay’s caseworker – the one she knows. She tells me she doesn’t think she know Kay’s caseworker, but she know Super Man’s. “But I have a really good feeling about Kay.” she says again. Although I have told her several times before, I remind her again of what our preferences are for children.

Did I mention that the whole time we were there she was on the friggin phone? We didn’t end up taking baby home with us. I think the reason she kept us there so long is because she was hoping we could.

To be fair, S has a really hard job. She mentioned several times that she wants to quit and can’t wait to “get out.” She deals with kids who are abused, sometimes severely sexually abused. And she has to move them from home to home. I get that. I wouldn’t want her job. But I do want kids and I’m counting on her to help us find them.

So, what do you think?

No news on either child. Meeting with S was……interesting. I’ll post more later – I need to process this first.

So much good news in the adoption community lately! Today, my dear friend Melony, AKA SHorthorns, was matched with their son! Woo – Hoo! They will bring him home next week! NEXT WEEK! I’m so excited for you guys, Mel and I know ya’ll are going to be the best parents and family for Canaan! Congratulations! I can’t wait to meet him.

I emailed S this morning to confirm our meeting today and we are still on. She said she still has not heard anything on either child, however. I hope she hears before we get there today.

I’m feeling a little sad tonight. Maybe it’s sadness but then again, maybe it’s just fear. Tomorrow we’re supposed to meet with S at 4pm. I’m hoping she’ll have heard something by then because in her words, “surely I’ll hear something by Thursday”. But what if she hasn’t? That is the worst part for me – not knowing. I can handle disappointment and I can certainly handle good news…..just tell me something. And please tell me you have found our child.

I say “our child” because that is how I feel. While I am forever grateful to the birthparents of our children for giving them life, they are our children. We will be the ones to raise them, teach them and love them every day. What has me a little frustrated today isn’t even so much of me just not knowing, it’s what we’re missing out on. Kay is at least 5 months old but every day she is getting bigger and I don’t want to miss one more day. Superman is one year old and we just missed his first birthday. Kay is no doubt eating rice cereal and probably some baby food as well. I wonder what she likes? What she doesn’t like? Is she sleeping through the night? (I sure hope so) And what about Superman? Is he walking already? What sounds does he make? What does he like?

I am just dying to know. EAch additional minute the state takes to choose a family for these children is another minute they miss with their parents. Okay, so I know there is a process and I know it’s going to happen. It really will, won’t it? My heart is overflowing with so much love for our children, surely they must feel it – wherever they are. My prayer each night is that someone is loving our child – hugging him or her and singing him/her to sleep. I can’t wait until we’re the ones doing those things.

I guess I’m just feeling antsy. Is one of these children the one God has for us? It’s okay if they aren’t. We will wait on God. But please, please, please, let me find out tomorrow if we are going to the next step with either of these kids. Please?

Don’t worry, my dedicated readers (all 3 of you), I will post tomorrow evening and let you know if we got any news during our meeting with S.

• Have a reason for calling – ANY reason is better than no reason, rescheduling a meeting is a great reason
• when you call at 11am and there is no answer, don’t leave a message – NEVER leave a message, if you do, you’re stuck waiting for a return call and it will seem creepy if you call again
• call back at 11:30am and when you talk to your case worker, try to sound casual
• Ask her about rescheduling a meeting and don’t even mention the child you’re waiting to hear about
• hold your breath and count to ten when she says, oh, let me open my email and see if I’ve heard anything
• do everything you can to keep from screaming, “LET ME OPEN MY EMAIL? IT IS 11:30AM LADY, WHY HAVEN’T YOU CHECKED IT YET? MY LIFE IS ON HOLD HERE, LADY, DON’T YOU GET THAT? CHECK YOUR FREAKIN’ EMAIL. EVERY 30 SECONDS. OR ELSE.”
• And when she tells you she still doesn’t have an email but she should hear something by Thursday, sound casual as you say, “oh, that would be great.”
• do not say, “WHAT? TWO MORE DAYS! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?”
• when she says she is going to call Sally (Kay’s caseworker), if you sound a little too desparate when you beg her to call you the minute she knows anything, just laugh it off as though you were joking and maybe she won’t notice
• When she mentiond the 1 year old little boy we’ll call SuperMan and says she expected to hear something on him this week, too….don’t tell her to call that case worker too. Wait until she says, “maybe i’ll give his case worker a call, too” and then say (again casually), “Ya, that’s a good idea.”
• As soon as you hang up the phone with her, don’t count the hours until you’ll meet her on Thursday – that’s just pathetic.

"Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (Rock of Help), saying, This marks the place where GOD helped us."

1 Samuel 7:12 The Message

Adoption

• Our adoption story from beginning to end

Search

Search for: