My Ebenezer

We often look for “signs” in life to let us know if we are on the right track, right? I mean, tell me I’m not the only one who does that! I think, in reality, we look for signs that help us justify what we’re already doing (or not doing). We see things that substantiate what we already believe to be true. Following me here?

Well, I guess that’s what I’m doing now and while I hate to get your hopes up again……… LOL, isn’t it funny that I worry about getting your hopes up? I mean, I’m not even sure who “you” is. ha

I got a call from M today and she had some very interesting news. The siblings, who I am now calling Sonny and Cher (sorry, Karen), have a four-way date set. Probably on February 14. We may or may not be included in that four way and M was waiting for final confirmation before calling me but still hadn’t gotten it. Here’s where it gets interesting.

On Thursday of last week, the case worker for Sonny and Cher called M and wanted her to go down to the CPS office and take them a copy of our scrapbook pages. They liked our homestudy and wanted to see photos. M said they really liked everything they saw and that she really thought we were going to the four way but she had not yet recieved the official notification. This is the first time she has been asked to present our photos prior to the actual four-way.

Why am I going on and on about all of this? Because I have come to the conclusion that the CPS workers choose the family they want to match with the child(ren) before the four-way ever occurs. The four way is mostly a formality and they already know who they want, but have to consider the others. THE “SIGN” is that they wanted to see our information before the four way. That “SIGN” makes me think this could really be it. They really want us to be matched with Sonny and Cher.

I know I’m reaching here but hey, I can’t help it. We may not even be going to the four way and I’ve already decided these are our kids. Perhaps you are wondering how I feel about that? How do I feel about becoming parents to a 1 yr old and a 2 yr old overnight? I can describe it for you in one simple word: FEAR LOL

So what do you think? I think it would be fun take bets or something. Who here thinks this means we are definitely going to the four way? Who here thinks it means we are being matched with these kids? And, finally, who here thinks I’ve gone completely insane? My vote is on the last one! LOL

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Wylddad prompted me to write about my thoughts on when/how to tell our children that they are adopted with this post.

The fact is, we’re never going to tell them.

Before you start rioting, let me explain.

I don’t want to sit our children down one day and rock their world by telling them they were adopted. Adoption will be a word we use on a regular basis in our house but it will be just another part of life, I don’t want to make it a big deal. There are some great children’s books out there on adoption and we’ll start reading them as bedtime stories as soon as we get our babies.

If I can’t find one that seems appropriate enough, I’ll write my own. In fact, that is something that I’ve thought a lot about. I hope I follow through and take the time to write a children’s version of our story - how our children came to be ours. I very much hope to include pictures of our child(ren)’s birthfamily in this book.

Those of you who may be reading and are not “in tune” with the adoption community may be surprised by the fact that I hope to have pictures of the birthfamily. Some of you probably even think it’s wierd. I’ve heard people say that it would make them uncomfortable to have pictures of a child’s birthmother. I think it would be a beautiful gift to our child. You see, it’s not about what we think or what we want or even about what we’re afraid of. It’s about the children and what is best for them.

Nothing could convince me that what is best for him/her is to not have the opportunity to know about his/her birthfamily. Granted, I won’t title my children’s book “When Mommy is a Crack Addict”. There is information that we won’t include from the beginning but will make available to our children as it becomes appropriate for their level of maturity. I’ve thought about explaining that birthmom was too “sick” to take care of them, but that word is too common - I’d hate for my child to worry everytime I get sick that I’ll be putting them up for adoption. But it will be something along those lines.

Adopting through foster care is different than other types of adoption. These children don’t typically have parents who made a loving choice to put them up for adoption - most of them were left with no choice due to their own decisions and circumstances. Some of those decisions and circumstances put the children who will one day be mine in harm’s way and that makes me very angry. But I will always hold a special place in my heart for these birthmothers because they gave life to my children.

I’m very blessed to have been given a mother who taught me the meaning of unconditional love. God only knows where I would be today with the profound impact she had on my life. I hope I can pass that unconditional love on to my children and give them the roots they need to fly wherever they want to go. Especially if where they one day choose to go is back to find their birthfamily.

-6.5!!!!!!

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People always want to know what it’s like to wait through the process of adoption. It seems everyone has a story of waiting on God and they want to share it with me, which I really don’t mind. Unless I’m feeling cranky which has been quite often lately. But I’m not sure how to explain what the waiting is like. Until this weekend.

We went to dinner with friends Saturday night and while we were sitting at our table a couple walked by with two small children. They looked like they could have been one and two years old. The older was a girl, the younger a boy. As conversation took place around me, I found myself wondering if they could possibly be the two siblings in foster care. Then it dawned on me……that’s what the waiting is like. You see children and you wonder if that stranger is holding the child that will one day be yours.

I know that probably sounds a little creepy but I don’t care. That is what’s going through my mind most of the time. I don’t look at people and wonder if they are drug addicts or alcoholics who will one day have their children taken away from them - I look at them and wonder if they are foster parents caring for a child who may become eligible for adoption. So I hope that makes it less creepy.

And if it doesn’t……..well, then I guess I’m creepy. I can deal with that. I’d rather be anything than “normal”.

-5

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That’s all I’ve got today! For a week now I’ve been having trouble with Time Warner (they suck) who provides my high speed internet service. This morning, I woke up to find that my phone service (not provided by TW) was not working. About 11am, my internet and cable went out also. The internet connection has been down from about 11am until about 4pm every day this week. What is up with that? I couldn’t even call and complain because I knew I’d lose it and end up yelling at the poor person who answered the phone.

But I did call my phone service. I won’t repeart the whole conversation, but this part was funny:

Rep: We’ll have your phone line fixed on MOnday, Jan. 30.
Me: Seriously? There’s nothing we can do before then?
Rep: They work weekends and if they can get to it faster they will.
Me: Monday? I have no phone until Monday?
Rep: I can forward your calls free of charge, if you’d like.
Me: That would be great, thanks!
Rep: No problem, we’re sorry for the inconvenience. When your line comes back on, the calls should automatically go back to your house…if not, just give us a call and we’ll take care of it for you.
Me: Thanks! You know, you don’t suck like the people at Time Warner. Did you know that Time Warner REALLY sucks?
Rep: laughing, thanks…that’s good to know……

And no call from M today so no word on the siblings.

Stupid Person of the Day Award
Automated response system at the phone company. “if your phone is not working at all, press 1″ I pressed 1. “If you are calling from your home phone, press 1.” I pressed 2. “If you can be reached at your home phone number in case we get disconnected, press 1.” I screamed into the phone and pressed zero for an operator.

-4

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I’m going to try really hard to not use the word “sucks” in this post. Oops. Guess I just blew it. Oh well, at least I don’t tell you stuff like this. Go ahead and click the link, you know you want to. Claudia, hope you don’t mind the reference but i couldn’t resist. I’m still laughing.

It’s been a while since I’ve been on the road before 7am (what am I saying? before 10am) and I was surprised at how many people were out and about. You’d think most people leave their house for work or something…..

I was hoping to hear from M today about the sibling group but I guess she hasn’t gotten a notification yet. All we would find out this week is whether or not we’ve been selected to go to the four way. I have to confess that I’m getting a little bored with the adoption related posts so I may take a break from it for a while. I’ll keep you posted but there just isn’t much to say on that front right now.

I’d rather blog about stupid people because the world seems to be full of them. (here is where I’d like to say that Time Warner seems to have employed several of them……) I know that’s not nice but really now….as the comedian whose name I can’t remember would say, some people should have to wear signs. To warn of their stupidity. Like our waitress at Saltgrass the other night - when we asked, as our meal arrived, about the side order of shrimp we had ordered. “oh,” she says, “they didn’t bring those out?” Ya, they brought them. We just ate them along with the plate they came out on. Now we’d like more, please. DUH!

Because I know it isn’t nice to make fun of people (but I’ll continue to do it anyway) I’ll end with one of my own stupid stories. I use a headset for the online classes I teach and I recently bought a new one. This week, I have had…um, “issues” with it. All of the sudden, my voice cut out and the class could not hear me at all. I started checking for network problems, packet loss issues, etc….. and then I realized I had accidentally pressed the mute button on my new headset. This happened not once, not twice but three times. With the same class. I bet they are writing posts about they stupid instructor with mute button issues tonight.

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Edited to add: If the word “sucks” offends you, you should stop reading now.

TIME WARNER SUCKS! TIME WARNER SUCKS! TIME WARNER SUCKS!

That’s how I want to begin my letter to the CEO of Time Warner. But I will choose my words much more carefully and I will compose a letter that tells him/her how much TW sucks without using those words. And I”m going to send a copy of it to every address for TW I can find. Can you tell I’m ticked?

Enough of that. For now, my internet is working. Ofcourse, it was working last night too but not today (because TIME WARNER SUCKS) when I needed it for my job. In the last week, there have been 3 tech guys from sucky TW at my house and there are two more scheduled to come out on Friday and Saturday. I’ve made probably 10 phone calls in the last week. It’s a wonder I still have cable at all.

BLEH!

Tomorrow, I get to do something I haven’t done in a very long time. I’m going to get up and get dressed and go to work. Usually, I just have to stumble down the hall to my home office but since TIME WARNER SUCKS I’m going over to Brigitte’s house to use her computer. (She has DSL with an internet service provider that doesn’t suck.) I’m lucky to have such wonderful friends - several have offered the use of their home computers.

So, back to tomorrow. I’m going to get up and go to Brigitte’s to work all day. Woo Hoo! I’m just so glad I’ll be able to work. Okay, I’m not really glad I get to work because I’m not real big on working in general but I made a commitment to do these classes so I’m glad I get to keep that commitment. Oh, and by the way, when I said I had to get dressed and go to work……that means I’ll brush my teeth and put on my comfy slippers and drive to Brigitte’s in my PJ’s. Just because TIME WARNER SUCKS doesn’t mean I should have to suffer and wear grown up clothes while I’m teaching. ha ha ha

I talked to M today and she said she expects to hear something soon on the siblings. I can’t remember if I posted this or not but the 1 yr old is a boy and the 2 yr old is a girl! That would be so much fun. We’re still toying with the idea of straight foster care but it’s really scary. We’re still praying on it. If you want to read more about what it would be like, you should check out Tamara’s story. Right now, they have an infant they picked up from the hospital!

HEre’s another random thought that is not about TIME WARNER SUCKING. Today, I had a bowl of chicken broth for a “snack”. I feel like I’ve reached an all new low in this whole dieting thing and I’m only on day 3. If you are wondering why I chose chicken broth, it’s because it has zero points on the weight watchers system. The whole time I was eating it I kept thinking about the episode of Friends where Rachel wants Ross to drink chicken fat or lard or something from a glass to show he’s really sorry. I wanted to vomit.

-2

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Time Warner sucks. I’m getting DSL service but don’t know how much connectivity I’ll have before next week. What if something incredibly exciting happens and I can’t tell you all about it? Oh No! I’ll find a way, don’t worry. ha ha ha ha

-2

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Today was a success as far as the whole diet thing goes. But I have to tell you I am a little angry at the people who make labels for the foods we eat. Sometimes, they just plain lie. For example, a Lean Pocket claims it is low fat and so I assumed I was eating fairly healthy when I had one for lunch. Then I decided I would check the points with my Weight Watchers point calculator thingy and one of those tiny little things was was a little less than 1/3 of the points I’m allotted per day! WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?

Anyway. Weight Watchers. I’ve been a weight watcher for about the last 3 years. ONly, I’ve been watching my weight go up instead of down. I don’t think that is what the program is intended for. Did you know that regarldless of how much “stuff” you purchase from weightwatchers, you won’t actually lose any weight unless you follow their stinkin’ plan? That just doesn’t seem right.

We went to a meeting tonight for “waiting families” at our agency. It was mostly a waste of time but we showed our smiling faces, etc… etc… etc…. We absolutely love our caseworker and she was there, she asked us to go and that is mainly why we went. They pretty much told us stuff we already knew but we did get to see their statistics for children placed last year. Most of them were children ages 2 and younger.

Here’s a disturbing thought. The intake worker for foster care said that she turns away opportunities to place infants on a regular basis bc she doesn’t have enough families willing to take babies for foster care. That just sucks. We’ve talked about doing foster care, which could turn into an adoption but it is a higher risk. We could control some of that risk by only accepting placements that the workers thought had a good chance of turning into adoption, but it would our hearts on the line. Please pray for God’s infinite wisdom and discernment on this matter. We’re not sure what to do. It’s incredibly scary.

0

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As Daddy-O and I were having our “last supper” tonight, we decided on a plan for weight loss. We have 6 weeks. At the end of the six weeks whoever has lost the highest percentage of body weight wins. Weigh in is first thing tomorrow morning. We’ll weigh in every week and to keep us motivated, the loser each week has to do all of the laundry that week. Laundry usually only gets done ever 2 weeks around here so this a big deal.

Whoever is the “Biggest Loser” at the end of the six weeks gets to pick where we go for vacation this year. If Daddy-O wins, I’ll be doing some kind of hunting. If I win, he’ll be accompanying me to Hollywood to look for movie stars. ha ha ha Also, the loser has to do all the laundry for a month.

I know it doesn’t make much sense to weigh every day, but I’m going to do it every day and I’ll post my numbers. Not the weight, just the number of pounds lost. Or gained, but hopefully not. ha ha ha

This should keep our minds occupied for a while. And don’t worry, if he starts winning I’ll start making his lunch again. she says as she grins wickedly

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Who knew it could be so hard to bake potatoes? I don’t like potatoes from the microwave, they just don’t seem to taste the same so I like mine cooked in the oven. The only thing is that I could never seem to get them done in time for dinner.

If I put the potatoes in at about 325 (which was the most popular answer I got when I asked people) for an hour, they were NEVER ready. If I cooked them for 2 hours, they STILL wouldn’t be ready. So I tried 425 with no luck. The potatoes took FOREVER. I tried poking holes in them, not poking holes in them, putting a little water in the wrapping, not put water in the wrapping, cooking them for 1.5 hours at 350, cooking them for 1 hour at 425, cooking them for two hours at 375…..NOTHING worked.

My mom would probably love to tell you about the baked potatoes I cooked for Mother’s Day last year. I was determined that they would be good since I was cooking for mom. The good news: they were done. The bad news: They were DONE. I put them in the oven before we left for church so they ended up cooking for about 3 hours. Let’s just say we had cajun baked potatoes with our lunch that day.

Finally, a few weeks ago I decided to branch out on my own and I put the potatoes in the oven and set it to 500 degrees. Yes, you read that correctly, I said 500 DEGREES. I let them go for half an hour and then I turned it down to 450. They cooked for another hour at 450. Guess what? They were FABULOUS!

So, to everyone who says they cook their baked potatoes in the oven at 325 for one hour: LIARS! You cook them in the microwave and pass them off as oven cooked. And now I know your secret.

The point of this whole story is to say this: Tonight, I put the potatoes in at 500 and decided we’d cook them for one hour at 500 degrees. As I’m sitting in the den smelling that “something’s burning” smell, this is what I was thinking: “hmmmm…i smell something burning. It’s probably just the “drippings” at the bottom of the oven….I wonder how long it’s been since we’ve cleaned that….it would suck if something really was burning and my oven blew up and burned the kitchen down….what would I do if I walked into the kitchen and there were flames shooting out?…..ooooh.. that would make a great blog………”

Yes, friends. My reaction to the thought of my kitchen burning down was not where the fire extinguisher was, but what I’d write in my blog. I’m sick. Really, really sick.

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