My Ebenezer

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I caved. I called M a little while ago and learned the following:

• 1yr old boy – local family chosen
• 4 month old boy – local family chosen
• 6 month old girl – her foster family decided to adopt her
• 1 yr old boy and 2 yr old girl siblings – families will be chosen next week for a four-way
• 2 yr old girl – still accepting homestudies so we have a ways to go before families are chosen.

I still think it would be awsome to get the siblings! Only time will tell.

Today I realized that it has been almost a whole week since I have talked to M. (our case worker) If I can make it through tomorrow without calling her, it will be the first time since she became our case worker that I’ve gone a week without speaking with her. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but BELIEVE ME, it is HUGE.

The crazy part is that I haven’t even thought much about calling her this week except today it just dawned on me that I hadn’t talked to her. I usually spend a good part of each day talking myself down; telling myself why I shouldn’t call her at that moment! ha.

I don’t know why this week is different. I hope it is because I am learning to let go more and more and just trusting God with all the details. We’ll just call it that, okay?

On a more interesting note, did you know that God loves you (especially you, HH)more than canaries? I love reading The Message (The Bible in contemporary language) and this is what I found today:

Luke 12:6-7
6 “What’s the price of two or three pet canaries? Some loose change, right? But God never overlooks a single one. 7 And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail — even numbering the hairs on your head! So don’t be intimidated by all this bully talk. You’re worth more than a million canaries.” (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

Since January 2, 2006, I have been watching what I eat. And I don’t mean eating anything I want and just watching it go in my mouth, which is my usual habit. I’ve never blogged about dieting before because I don’t want this to be about losing weight/getting in shape/eating healthy…bleh! But I can no longer resist the urge to tell you how much I hate trying to lose weight.

I’ve tried everything! I’ve counted calories, fat grams, carbs…..I no longer know what to eat and what not to eat. My latest plan has been to follow an 80-20 rule – I make healthier choices 80% of the time and eat what I want the other 20. You would think that since I am no longer eating crap 100% of the time that this plan would work, right? Maybe the weight won’t come off overnight, but it should come off slowly, shouldn’t it? Really, I’m making better choices.

I mean, take today for instance. I went to Chik fil a (this was a 20% lunch) and I ordered a grilled chicken wrap meal. I only ate the fries and drank the sweet tea – that was my lunch! I ate less, shouldn’t that count? I’ll have the wrap (minus the fries) tomorrow. OH, and I had fruit today. Bananna ice cream. And it was a small. So what’s the problem? she says as she puts another chocolate kiss in her mouth

There is absolutely nothing to report today. I woke up at the crack of 10:30am, cleaned the kitchen so I could cook and then went to the grocery store. When I got back, Brigitte and Barrett came over and I started cooking. I did a few loads of laundry. I rocked Barrett to sleep (twice) and that was the highlight of my day. He’s so stinkin cute. Anyway, finished cooking, cleaned AGAIN, went out for a visit with friends and then back home for dinner with Daddy-O. TV time, time spent thinking I should be cleaning my office…time spent laughing at that idea and channel surfing instead.

Wow. What a day. The show about nothing was a lot more interesting than the blog about nothing.

I’ll try again tomorrow!

My thoughts today have been consumed with being intentional about my faith. The word intentional is defined as Done deliberately; intended.

So I keep asking myself, how can I be intentional about my faith? I get excited when I have an opportunity to share my faith with someone else whether it be through conversation or action. I get excited when i feel the Holy Spirit prodding me to be the hands and feet of Christ to someone. I wonder, though, why it is that I have to wait until I feel that prodding or until an opportunity just presents itself to me.

Okay, let’s rewind a bit because you may already be confused – I know I am.

I believe with all my heart that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I believe with all my heart that He died for us, that He rose again and that His deepest desire is to have a relationship with me. With you. With us. I believe what God tells us in Jeremiah 29:11, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.’” I also believe that God wants me to be His hands and feet on Earth. To share His love with others – not just in words but also with my actions.

If I believe all that as I say I do, what am I intentionally doing to share that with others? Aside from teaching Sunday School or Bible Studies and things like that…. I’m talking about in my every day life; do I look for opportunities or do I just wait for them to occur? I want to be intentional about loving others.

Here’s my plan. For one week, I am going to intentionally do at least one thing a day to be the hands and feet of Christ for someone else. Not because I’m a wonderful person, believe me when I say that all the good inside of me is only there because of Jesus. I wonder what God will teach me this week as I strive to live more intentionally.

Do you live intentionally?

Rom 5:1-5

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,2 through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance;4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope.5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
NKJV

Rom 5:1-5
By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us — set us right with him, make us fit for him — we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. 2 And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand — out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.
3 There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, 4 and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. 5 In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary — we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!(from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

I love roses in January!

In Austin today, there is a couple with no children who just learned they will parent a 5 month old baby girl. Can you imagine how excited they are? Let’s pray for a smooth transition for all involved. It’s wierd, I am only a tiny bit disappointed – I can’t stop thinking about this other couple and how happy they must be.

Usually, when we get this news, I write tell you how God is in control and how He has a plan. You’ve heard all that before and you should know it by now, right? I don’t need to repeat myself? It’s just that I am amazed by how in control God really is. The worker for the child talked to THe Adoption Lady (my friend) and told her that the only reason they chose that family is because they are in the same city. (we are 2 hours away) She said it was a matter of convenience.

While that ticked The Adoption Lady off a little bit, I just kinda laughed and said, Convenience? No, that was God. There were too many people praying for this child and for us and for the whole thing – prayer does not result in convenience. God was there, friends. He was there when a family was picked for this little girl and He said this was not our child.

Last night, I fell asleep thinking of pink ribbons and bows and praying for God’s perfect will. THis morning, I found out what His perfect will is, at least on this one child. THank You, God, for hearing our prayers and for blessing us with so many Christian friends who pray for us. Thank you for the child You have for us. We’re okay with the waiting, we’ll wait as long You want us to until Your timing is just right.

Now, God, what about the 1 and 2 yr old siblings? ha ha ha

Ps 113:2-92 Just to remember GOD is a blessing — now and tomorrow and always. 3 From east to west, from dawn to dusk,keep lifting all your praises to GOD!
4 GOD is higher than anything and anyone, outshining everything you can see in the skies. 5 Who can compare with GOD, our God,so majestically enthroned, 6 Surveying his magnificent heavens and earth? 7 He picks up the poor from out of the dirt,rescues the wretched who’ve been thrown out with the trash, 8 Seats them among the honored guests,a place of honor among the brightest and best. 9 He gives childless couples a family, 9gives them joy as the parents of children. (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language)

So here’s an update on what children we are submitted on:

• 4 month old boy – “could” hear which families are chosen for the four way by the end of this week
• 6 month old girl – waiting for families to be chosen for the four-way, case worker really liked our homestudy
• 1 yr old and 2 yr old siblings (previously reported both boys, but one is boy one is girl!) – caseworker was very excited about our homestudy, no word on when families will be chosen for the four way
• 1 yr old boy – caseworker doesn’t return calls so no clue when family will be chosen – this one will not go to a four way, a family will be chosen by the worker
• 5 month old girl, this is the one we’re calling Lily – should know whether or not we get her by end of day tomorrow

Phew. Anyone else feeling a bit overwhelmed after reading that?

Part of me feels like I jinx things when I admit them here. I know that’s silly, I don’t believe in “jinxing” but maybe I do …… just a little.

See, on Monday I got an email from the Adoption Lady. She told me about a 5 month old baby girl I’m going to call Lily. I know, I’m leaving superheroes behind – let’s face it, they never worked for me. Our homestudy has been submitted on Lily and we should find out by the end of the day Friday whether or not we’ve been chosen to parent her in a legal-risk adoption.

Because she does not live in our county, there will not be a four-way on her, just a family chosen. The Adoption Lady spoke with Lily’s caseworker and is confident that we are being considered for this child. I think this is probably one of the better opportunities we’ve had – and I mean that from the perspective of having a chance at being chosen. (not better as in a “better” child because they are all precious)

Anyway, I know not to get too excited. I’ve been down that road before. But honestly, how can I help it? I’d rather have these small windows filled with hope and excitement than have just a boring, emotionless wait. Right? Some have asked me if I feel like “this is the one” and the answer is no. I have no feeling one way or the other but I”m not sure I ever will. I want this child. I’ve asked God for this child. I’ve also asked God to send her to the family that is best for her – not for us. That is the hardest part in all of this – realizing that no matter how much we may want something, what is best for the child is what matters most.

God knows our child(ren). I hope this is it but I will not settle for anything other than what God has for us. So I pray His will, not mine, is done.

I have to admit that what I hate most about not being selected for a child is having to tell people about it. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to say much about this situation but I can’t help myself. I’m excited! I’m dreaming of pink dresses and ribbons and bows………I can’t stop myself. Not that I want to.

It’s just so wierd to think that next week we could have a daughter. And if not next week, then one of these weeks…….. I hope you will hang in there with me. I hope you can hold on tight enough to enjoy this ride with us and not get tired of the ups and downs. Welcome to our life.

God is good, friends. All the time. He has a plan and we’re counting on it.

On a side note, please say a special prayer for my dad. He’s finished his treatments and goes back to the doctor tomorrow to determine what’s next. He’s making lots of progress but not quite out of the woods yet.

"Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (Rock of Help), saying, This marks the place where GOD helped us."

1 Samuel 7:12 The Message

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