My Ebenezer

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I’m putting it off as long as I can but I know the time is fast approaching when I’ll have to start potty training Carter.

I think he is ready, but I’m not. I’ve looked over a few books and a few articles, but none of it sounds simple enough. I want the “explain it once – it works forever” technique but so far it doesn’t seem to exist. The idea of cleaning pee and poop off of my carpet as we go through this process doesn’t sound like fun at all.

So, I’m looking for some advice. If you have a littly boy who has been potty trained in the last year or two, tell me how you did it!

After Carter brought his dirty diaper to me the other day – he took off all his clothes AND his diaper – I went out and bought some training underwear and some pull-ups. I figured that was my hint to get it started. He has a little potty and he’ll even sit on it and then as soon as he gets off and puts a diaper on, he poops. ?

Something tells me there isn’t a real easy answer here, but I’m sure hoping to find one.

just think, next year, I should be able to get Daddy-O a Father’s Day present! Woo-Hoo! 

I know, now more than ever, that what He has for me is far better than anything I could ever want for myself. Praise God for that blessing! 

P.S. we are going to be parents. It seems so close yet so unbelievable! There is a crib setup in our house. I can’t believe that. Sometimes I go in the nursery and touch it jsut to be sure…. 

We were looking at diaper bags in the store the other day and he said, “I am NOT carrying anything pink or frilly around when I take the kids out.” 

I’m thankful that our families are more than just supportive; they are genuinely excited about this adoption 

I’m thankful for the children I know God has for us

I’m going back through all os my posts, reading what my thoughts and feelings were way back when this all started. I’m even categorizing posts so feel free to click on some of the links at the side and see what comes up. My whole reason for capturing my thoughts here is so that I can keep track of what God has done for me, in me and through me. It is My Ebenezer.

These are quotes from posts I made in May of 2005, the first month I begin writing.

I can’t wait to drive my kids around in our mini-van! I can’t wait to have a car messy from spilled cherios and juice and …. I just can’t wait! 

I can’t wait for the day that I am so tired and can not take a nap because I have a little one to take care of. 

I know something great is coming, and I know I’m going to love it, but i’m not sure exactly what it is.

There’s a little boy who is two years old and currently in foster care. His birth mother is pregnant and due in July. The agency is looking for a home to place both boys in a Legal Risk Adoption.

Now, let me say for the record that I believe God already has our children picked out and I have NO DOUBT that He will faithfully lead us to each other.

I also want to say, for the official record, that my heart breaks when I pray for my kids. I believe that at least one of them is most likely already here on earth and I shudder to think of the situation he/she may be in. I pray for God’s protection for him/her and also for the birthparents. It is an amazing thing how God has given me compassion for the birthparents – I can usually be found guilty of being judgemental but not when it comes to this. I don’t know the circumstances that people go through that make them who they are.

I look in the rearview mirror at the empty seats behind me and I smile. Six months ago, those empty seats would have been a reminder of an empty womb and a bottomless hole in my heart; time and perspective can change everything. Now I look at those empty seats and I see hope – I see a future – I see God’s Grace. 

Imagine being taken away from everything that is familiar to you – the birthday party that was scheduled for next Saturday, your best friend next door, even your mom and dad. It’s all gone in a heartbeat. Regardless of the condition you live in, you are terrified when you’re taken away. I wonder what that is like for a 1 year old….a 2 year old? Pray for our kids, wherever they are tonight. Pray that God will protect them and give them a sense of peace in whatever situation they are in. Pray that someone is hugging them and showering them with kisses. 

Pray that God paves the way for us to find each other. Pray that God prepares us to be as much of a gift to them as we know they will be to us.

What a difference six months makes:

Carter and Gracey had only been with us a week or two when this photo was taken:

And now, six months later:

It has now been four weeks since BM and BF have seen Carter and Gracey.

Is it wierd that part of me is still rooting for them? Still hoping they will show up? Hoping they’ll get their lives together? Of course, I don’t want that to happen before Sept. 26……but I don’t think it could anyway. They have a long road ahead of them if they ever choose recovery.

But why aren’t they coming? Have they given up? Have they decided the kids are better off where they are? Is it just not important to them? Do they even care?

So maybe the heat has been too much and they can’t get to the office for visits. But they haven’t even called. Not to check on the kids. Not to ask when they can see them again. They haven’t even called. Is it so hard to find 35 cents? I realize they are beyond indigent, but come on. You can ask to use a public phone. You can borrow someone’s cell phone.

My heart aches for Carter and Gracey. I can’t help but wonder if one day they may feel like they weren’t worth fighting for. Like they weren’t worth getting better for. We will give them unconditional love and I can only hope that it’s enough. I pray they learn to trust God early in their lives and that they learn to realize their value through Him.

How crazy is it that I want to drive to their apartment and talk to them…ask them where they’ve been and what they’re thinking. If I were raging and ranting it would be one thing but that’s not what I’m talking about. I want to see them, to tell them that Carter and Gracey are okay. That they will always be loved. And to ask them one question, Why?

I had some trouble loading pictures. Can you see them in this post?

I have a special request for all of you bloglanders. There are two people who are being directly affected by all of this who will be pretty much overlooked by the system and all else involved. I’d like you to say a special prayer for Carter and Gracey’ paternal grandparents, Granny and Grandad.

G&G are genuinely happy that Carter and Gracey are in our home and that they will be loved and taken care of. They are on board with adoption. However, all of this has to be bittersweet for them. Tempered with their joy for Carter and Gracey is their loss for BF. They are dealing with more than most of us could imagine right now and they are handling it with more grace than one would believe possible.

In the midst of hearing about the court’s decision on Tuesday, G&G were concerned with our feelings. They are very sweet people and they will always be actively involved in our children’s lives as grandparents. I’d just like for you all to say a special prayer that God will give them peace about decisions they’ve had to make and everything that is happening within their family.

This has to be the most commonly asked question over the past few days.

You may find my answer surprising. I’m not excited in the sense that one might expect me to be excited. I am incredibly happy that we are one step closer to adoption but I wasn’t surprised by the outcome of Tuesday’s hearing. Before I get in trouble for sounding too confident, let me just say that my confidence is in God, not myself or the court system or CPS. So my excitement came a long time ago, when we first got the kids.

I don’t know if that makes any sense. I am excited, just not jumping up and down excited. I’m thrilled about these kids and I can’t wait until they are legally ours, but I guess I didn’t feel some great release at the judge’s words. Maybe this sounds nuts but since I wasn’t too worried, I wasn’t real relieved…..know what I mean?

Anyway, if I had to sum up my feelings in one word, it would be

GRATEFUL.

The same way I felt when I first met my husband. Grateful to God for bringing these children to our lives. Grateful for infertility. Grateful for unanswered prayers. Grateful for a God who knows what I want before I even know it exists.

I love Carter and Gracey so completely with my heart. In my mind, I know they are not legally ours and I will celebrate the day we change their last names. On one hand, I don’t think things will feel any different when they become ours…..on the other hand, I think everything will be different. But one thing that will remain is my gratefulness. I’m completely humbled that God would see fit to give us two incredibly beautiful gifts.

We’re beginning to talk a little more with Carter about what is happening – using stories and very simple explanations. We aren’t going into any detail and we aren’t pushing anything until we get  TPR. But we wanted to lay some groundwork. I hope he gets to visit with BM and BF at least one more time before everything is final. Part of me wants that more for them than for Carter.

Although they have made their own choices, I want them to have an opportunity to say goodbye. They are people who have made terrible decisions but they are still people…they are still Carter and Gracey’s birthparents. We’ve been calling them mommy___ and daddy____ for the last few months. Before long, we’ll start calling them by their first names only. Transitioning.

As we move forward, we must make decisions about what information to share with Carter and Gracey and how to share it. I’m not talking about details, I’m talking about what words to use, ya know? We never want them to suddenly realize they were adopted. No surprises. And I want to be honest with them, but at an age appropriate level. We’ll have to get together with our families who will be spending time with them and make sure we are all on the same page so we’ll all be prepared to answer questions if they arise. The one thing I’m certain of is that I do not want to be negative about their birthparents but I’m not sure how to “explain” things without it.

I don’t want to say they were “sick” because then when studlyman or I get sick I don’t want them to worry that they may be adopted again. I dunno. I think the hardest part of being a parent is all the decisions. Whether or not to go to the doctor, which school is best, etc……

I guess we’ll figure it out through a lot of prayer.

I don’t even have the words to offer up the praise I have for our awesome God right now. He is so faithful and so good.

Judge set a trial date for Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) for September 26, 2006. We have been fast tracked. Most likely, on this date TPR will be granted and the children become free for adoption. We should be able to get everything finalized by the end of the year. Christmas is almost here.

Visits are no longer scheduled for every Friday. If and when the bios show up again for a visit, they will have to work with us, through the caseworker, to arrange a time to see the kids. So for now, I have Fridays free again.

In our wildest dreams we couldn’t have asked for more. He gave us two precious children and He is working out all of the details. Faster than what was to be expected.

Praise God. PRAISE God. Praise GOD. PRAISE GOD!

This was only a day or so after we brought Gracey home from the hospital. Carter was 22 1/2 months and Gracey was about 2 1/2 weeks old.

These were taken last week. Carter is 2 years and 4 months and Gracey is 6 months.

 

"Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (Rock of Help), saying, This marks the place where GOD helped us."

1 Samuel 7:12 The Message

Adoption

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