My Ebenezer

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Termination granted. Music to my ears. They have 20 days to appeal but they won’t, and even if they do it won’t matter. Final papers for termination will be signed on October 17.

Thank you for your prayers and your words of encouragement and support. Please start praying that the adoption worker who is assigned to this case will work quickly so we can finalize the adoption soon.

More later.

Thank you, God.

I don’t know if I’ll sleep tonight or night, I’m very excited about tomorrow. Our case worker from CPS came out today and she is confident that TPR will be granted. Of course, she throws in the disclaimer that anything COULD happen, but she expects to get termination.

What I worry about the most is seeing BM and BF. I feel like a coward because I don’t want to face them, but I guess I’m not a coward because wild horses couldn’t keep me from that courtroom. I don’t know if they will really be there or not but I do know that if they are there, they will want to talk to us. That could go either way, my friends.

They’ve been very nice, for the most part, all along but things have definitely changed a bit. I’m hoping that they know how much we love the kids and that they are as glad as they can be that they at least know who will have them. Maybe I’m asking for too much. I still pray they will voluntarily sign over their rights so that I can tell Gracey and Carter some day that their birthparents loved them enough to do what was best for them in the end.

We’ll be if termination is granted but then we’ll have to call Granny J and tell her about it. That will be a bittersweet for both of us. I know she’ll be glad the kids are safe and sound and in a better place, but I can’t imagine what it must be like to watch your son lose custody of his children. I don’t know.

Believe me, we’ll be celebrating. We may even go pick Carter up from MDO early just so we can all be together. We’re going to celebrate either way tomorrow because we believe God is in control.

And don’t worry, I’ll be by to post the outcome as soon as we get home.

Okay, internets, It’s time to pray.

I got an email from Granny last night and her son (BF) had called her. He said that they (indicating all of them, BM, BF, plus maternal grandparents) would be in court on Tuesday. We’ll see if they actually show up, but it does make my stomach hurt a little bit.

I guess I’m a little afraid of a confrontation and on top of that, I just don’t want to face them. I can’t imagine someone taking Carter and Gracey away from me right now and regardless of anything else going on with them, it has to be more difficult than we could imagine. I don’t want to see that look on their faces.

When I read the email I immediately got knots in my stomach and started to worry about whether or not this will change anything. Then I heard that still small voice in my heart telling me that circumstances may change but God never does. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is still in control of this situation and we will trust Him with the outcome. As much as we want termination to happen tomorrow, it is His will, not ours, that we seek.

And who knows? Maybe it will really be a good thing if they do show up. Then they will have to answer for where they’ve been the last 12 weeks and why they haven’t even started any of their services. Showing up at this point may actually do more harm for their case than good.

Court starts at 9am and we may be called early or we may not be called until later in the morning or afternoon. You can bet that I will post as soon as we get home. Thank you for your prayers.

What? Not only can bloggers make money by posting about specific topics, there is a whole blog dedicated about how to advertise on blogs. Well, it’s about the company and the people who advertise on blogs anyway. I mean, really, who would do such a thing? Just to make a lousy ten, I mean twenty, no thirty, um, ya, make that FORTY BUCKS! It’s a crazy, crazy world we live in. Yet here I am.

With Carter’s recent obsession with putting things in his nose and ears we knew it was only a matter of time before we ended up in the emergency room.

Interestingly enough, it wasn’t Carter, but Gracey, who had us rushing off to the ER this afternoon. Before you get all worried, everyone is fine. It’s just that her regular doctor was out of town and the doctor covering for him does not take medicaid. I was happy to pay cash for a visit when I took her temperature today and it was 102.3! But the nurse told me that I’d be better off going to the ER because that doctor hadn’t been accepting all of my doctor’s patients anyway. (believe me, there is another post coming on that one)

So, after finding a clinic in a very scary part of town that would take her, we opted to go to the nice hospital where she was born. So I load up two kids and the double stroller and off to ER we go. It was amazing to me how quickly we were seen and how wonderful everyone was. Although we were there for a few hours, most of the waiting was on lab results and stuff like that.

Daddy-o met me there and took Carter home while Gracey and I hung out with the wonderful ER staff who couldn’t seem to get enough of her. By the time we got there, her temperature was 103.2 but they started stuffing Ibuprofen down her throat and got it under control. They did chest xrays (because of a nasty cough) and they had to put her in this awful device that looked like it came out of a torture chamber. It’s hard to describe but it was kinda like a clear plastic tube that had an opening for her face – she was seating on a bicycle type seat and the tube was around her and her arms were over her head. If you’re thinking she didn’t like it – that would be an understatement! It reminded me of baby Jessica – that girl who fell down a well a long time ago?

They also did blood work and checked her urine – both which had to be extracted, that was a lot of fun, too. She wailed like I’ve never heard her wail before but as soon as I picked her up she’d start smiling again. Even with fever at 103 she never got fussy unless they were sticking her somewhere.

Turns out, the doctor thinks it’s just a viral thing but gave her an antibiotic anyway because her white blood cell count was high. I’m sure you aren’t interested in all these gory details but I have to document it. Her first fever ever and she has to go ALL OUT and get me all worried. And we have to go back again tomorrow so they can recheck her blood count. Bleh. Poor baby. But she was so sweet through it all.

Eight months old today and she now weighs 17.3 pounds. That’s quite a change from the 5 pounds she weighed when we brought her home!

I can’t believe that in four days we go back to court. For the most part, it could all be over in four days. It hardly seems like it has been 8 months since we got Carter and Gracey. Can you believe she is 8 months old today?

Gracey has changed so much and continues to do so. She’s crawling, though not at full speed yet. She is almost able to move herself from a crawling position to a sitting a position and she has mastered the art of feeding herself little star puffs.

She’s still the happiest baby I’ve ever known and almost always has a smile on her face. She’s going to be a year old before I know it and I’m not too sure how I feel about that. Why does time move so quickly when you have children?

Through each step of this path God has been faithful. He gave us our hearts’ desire by bringing Carter and Gracey to us in His perfect time. He opened the door for us to have a relationship with their biological grandparents and that is a gift we will pass on to them. God gave us enough time to have visits with the birthfamily so that we could get photos of both kids with their birthparents. He put us on a fast track when many “in the system” told us that fast tracks aren’t very common.

And He is going to bring us through this next court date as well. I believe He will provide termination of parental rights so that Carter and Gracey can become legally ours before the year is over – but it is His will we are seeking, not our own. A long time ago God put a verse on my heart that has carried us through the last few years…..come on, say it with me now, I know you know it: Jeremiah 29:11 “‘I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.’”

That verse doesn’t just apply to Daddy-O and I, it applies to Carter and Gracey, too. He has a plan for them and I believe we are a big part of that plan. God wants good things for them just as much as He wants good things for us and He is going to deliver!

Yesterday, my heart was consumed with fear. One phone call from the caseworker and the hairs on my neck were standing up and I was a mama bear protecting her cubs. It’s only natural. Today, I was reminded again that God is in control. There is no reason for me to worry, no reason for me to fear. 2 Tim 1:7 says: 7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear , but of power and of love and of a sound mind. He also says in 1 John 4:18-19, 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear , because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.19 We love Him because He first loved us.

There is a little book of daily devotions that I try to read every day but it ends up being every few days. Today’s devotion was about claiming God’s truths in our lives and in the lives of our children. It was about being bold and saying what believe God is telling us about situations in our lives…..and believing that He is going to do what He says He will do.

I believe God. His will, nothing more, nothing less and nothing else.

It’s only through His perfect love that I can recognize the need in my own heart to forgive Gracey and Carter’s birthparents. To forgive them for what has and has not been done and to forgive them for not thinking first of the kids. God does not call me to punish them or to blame them; He calls me to love them. And He will give me enough of His Grace to do just that.

It’s been a while since I have shared my addictions with you so for all of you who are bored, check this out. You can waste a lot of time learning to fly a helicopter. Don’t say I didn’t warn you about how much time you would spend here. I’m embarassed to admit how much I’ve spent.

In other news, I am amazed at how easy it can be to make money while blogging. Back when I was on blogger, I tried to use Adsense to earn pennies for every click but I never made any money. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I am blogging for money, it’s just nice to be able to support my Ebay habit! With Adsense, a blogger would get paid every time a reader clicked on a certain link – the nice thing about payperpost is that you get paid based on writing the post, not on clicking. It’s a crazy world we live in – I’ve already made $20 and that was only based on two posts.

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This is a conversation Carter and I had after church yesterday:

Me: Carter, did you have fun in Sunday School?

Carter: Yeah

Me: What did you do?

Carter: Pway wit fwiends

Me: Did you hear a story?

Carter: Yeah

Me: What was your story about?

Carter: Sheper

Me: A Shepherd?

Carter: Yeah, Sheper

Me: What does a Shepherd do?

Carter: dwives a trash twuck!

Hmmm, I haven’t heard that Bible story before!

Our court date is one week from tomorrow. I’m probably a little more anxious about this one than any of the others – we are trusting God to do His thing. Yesterday morning in church I was reminded that God is always there. For some of you, that may sound pretty basic but I needed the reminder.

You see, now that I have two little ones to chase, my God time is more limited than I would like it to be. When I have time for myself I am usually too tired to do much of anything – combine that with my ability to procrastinate and you can see the problem. When things are up in the air I cling to God like a drowing man would cling to a life raft. But when things are going smoothly it is harder for me to cling.

I needed to be reminded that God NEVER lets go of us – in bad times or in good. A lot of people need that reminder in bad times but I need it more in the good. “Oh No, You never let go…through the calm and through the storm….” It’s an awesome song.

And I hear a little crying which means Gracey is ready for her nap. Gotta go…..

"Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (Rock of Help), saying, This marks the place where GOD helped us."

1 Samuel 7:12 The Message

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