My Ebenezer

There’s a new relationship in my life I’ve been meaning to tell you about. Have you ever felt that you’d found a part of yourself that had been missing? A piece that made every other part of you feel better? You know, that feeling you get when you curl up in a big blanket by a fire on a cold, rainy day……..or when you take that first bite of Brownie Batter Ice Cream from Ben and Jerry’s……or when you’re all dressed up and looking your finest…..

You know what I mean. Right?

I’ve neglected to write about it before because I know that as good as it makes me feel, it is really an unhealthy relationship. Honestly, it has become a little obsessive.

I feel like I can’t go a day without it and I don’t know what I’d do if I had to.

Fat pants. What would we do without them? I have a new pair and I’ve had them on since Christmas Eve. Okay, I’ve parted with them briefly so they could be washed, but other than that they have been stuck to my butt. I even slept in them last night and I NEVER sleep in pants. These are the best fat pants ever. They are snug enough to not look frumpy, as most fat pants do, but stretchy enough to be the most comfortable pants I’ve ever owned. I can get away with wearing them to church because they are black and actually meant to be a little dressier….although they have been washed so many times now that I won’t be able to get away with it much longer.

Anyway, I LOVE my fat pants. I’m going back to the store and buying a few more pair if they still have them. I just can’t stand the thought of living without my dear fat pants.

And, yes, I know I am sick. But if you’ve ever had a pair of really good fat pants, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Let me have my moment of glory because I know the day will come when I will have to put real pants on again and my bubble will burst. I’ll realize that although I felt skinny in my fat pants (because that makes sense) I was actually packing on the pounds while my wonderful pants stretched to accomodate my growing belly. Until then, I’m staying in my fat pants and only taking them off to wash them.

And if, by chance, you have seen my fat pants and you feel the need to tell me that, no, actually they are not flattering and do look frumpy, just keep it to yourself. My perception is my reality and I’d like to keep it that way.

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