“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.’” Jeremiah 29:11
the answer to the question in the previous post. After talking to everyone including the sherriff’s department you finally just hotline it and let the on call CPS worker take care of it. Wish I had known there was an “on call” CPS worker before now.
I did talk to Stella and I know that she is at least safe for now. For what it’s worth, she “promised” to stay put unless she talks to me first.
Bleh. Stella. Stella. Stella.
the child your represent through child advocates runs away from the foster home and you know where she is?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Yeah, me either. I called my coordinator who is calling her supervisor to find out what the protocol is.
I’m not sure, but I have a sneaking suspicion that she’ll be getting to ride in the back of a police car to get to her next destination.
Oh, Stella. It’s just too hard to trust anyone, isn’t it?
Stella. Stella. Stella.
What I want to say to Stella, but can’t. At least not yet. Probably not ever.
Dear Stella,
I am so sorry “the system” has let you down. You should have been removed from the care of your family when you were born and you never should have been returned to them. For fifteen years you have been bounced around from home to home, some relative placements, some straight foster placements and nothing seems to stick. It looks like everywhere you go people give up on you. Your behaviors are difficult to manage but that is not your fault. You don’t deserve what has happened to you and I’m sorry it hasn’t been better.
The good news is that you can decide what happens in your future. You have choices to make and what happens next IS up to you. You can choose to let your past haunt the rest of your life or you can choose to work through it and turn your life into a happily ever after story. It’s up to you now. Your family failed you. “The system” failed you. Society failed you. But you don’t have to fail yourself.
Sincerly,
Your Advocate
UGH. This is hard, guys. Working with a teenager adds a whole new twist to the whole Child Advocates thing because she is old enough to make choices and to have a say in what happens next. I see so many places where Stella is not getting what she needs from CPS. I know, no big surprise there, right? But some of it may be more than what even CPS is able to do. What do I want? I want CPS to move mountains for this girl. It’s what I’m asking and it’s what I’m believing is going to happen. MOUNTAINS. Because one lost girl, one life changed, is worth it.
The Bible says that faith as small as a mustard seed can move a mountain - won’t you help me move a mountain on behalf of Stella? Pray for emotional healing, pray for self-control, pray for the ability for her to make rational decisions, pray for wisdom and pray for her caregiver. She matters.
It looks like we have finally discovered the motivation Princess needs to start walking - FOOD! She took two steps towards her aunt Brigitte this morning when we were at Pump It Up because she thought Brigitte had food. 
TWO STEPS! And she wasn’t even trying. You go, girl!
I know sometimes it doesn’t automatically log you in so if you want to see the new photos I’ve posted, be sure to log in!
And while you’re here, I may as well tell you what Speedy said about Princess in the bathtub.
Pointing to her butt that was sticking up in the air as she was crawling after a toy….
Speedy: mommy, what’s that?
me: what’s what?
Speedy: is that sissy’s butt?
me: Um, yeah, that’s her butt
Speedy: what’s IN there?
me: Um, that’s where her poop lives
Speedy: Sissy has a BIGGER butt than me!
And she does. My baby has some serious back!
It’s getting late and I’m in one of those moods so it looks like tonight may be a post-a-thon!
You must be getting tired of hearing me write about how much God is teaching me through my kids but it just never gets old - there is a new lesson every day. I think I struggled to understand God’s love for me a lot when I was growing up and even as an adult. I didn’t have a father actively participating in my life and demonstronating unconditional love for me and that often left me feeling unworthy of that love. Although my mom was incredible, I believe there is something special about a dad’s love that God uses to show us His love. I don’t know.
Anyway, since having Princess and Speedy I hear God’s whisper in my heart almost daily, “see, that’s how I love you…that much and more…” Daddy and Speedy went out for a bit this afternoon and I was hanging out with Princess. I just enjoyed spending some one on one time with her, even though we weren’t doing anything special. I tried to get her to talk and when she would repeat a new word I was so happy and we’d both just giggle. And I thought how much I love just being with her (Speedy, too) and how much I love when she just crawls over and gives me random hugs and wants to love on me a bit. And it’s like God was saying, “I like that, too.” I know He gets as much pleasure when we just spend time with Him, one on one, even if we aren’t doing anything special. I know He is thrilled when we just “love on Him” for a while for no special reason. And when He sees us learning something new I know He is just as thrilled as I am when I watch Princess.
There is a yearning in my heart to just be with my kids - not out of a need but out of a deep love. I believe God has that same yearning to be with us.
I learn something new every day. Look at your kids and spend a minute thinking about how much you adore them. Now multiply that times a gillion. That’s how much God loves you.
You’ve heard many stories about Speedy and how clever and funny and michevious he can be so it should come as no surprise that his little sister is learning her part.
On Sunday, we went to my mom’s for lunch and I was trying to get Princess to take a nap in the crib upstairs. Now she has slept there before and usually does okay with it and the girl was T-I-R-E-D! I half expected her to fall asleep in her high chair. I put her in the bed and she stood up, which isn’t all that unusual, except I watched her throw her pacifier onto the floor. Princess WILL NOT sleep without her “pappy”. She throws it on the floor and there is no way the kid will go to sleep. So I let her play for a few minutes then I give the pappy back to her and lay her back down and I go lay down on the bed myself. And she plays for a while then throws it out again and just grins at me. So I give it back to her and I stand there and rub her back while she is laying down and sing to her a bit to try and get her to sleep. She obviously doesn’t want to lay still because she knows she’ll crash so she keeps wiggling and trying to move around and throws a little fit when I keep her still. She cries and fusses and every time she tries to get up I put her back down and say, “NO, Princess! Night night time”. And she KNOWS what this means. I finally lay back down and decide to just ignore her for a while thinking she’ll eventually give it up, right? Wrong. She is standing in the bed and LITERALLY falls down because she is so tired and lets her head lay there for just a few seconds then bounces back up again. I sit up like I’m going to walk over there and lay her back down and - and I’m NOT exaggerating here - she DIVES down onto the mattress, puts her head down and grins like she’s been “asleep” the whole time. So I lay back down. And she gets back up. I sit up. She dives down. I lay down. She gets up. I sit up. She dives down. I lay down. She stands up. I sit up. She dives down. I give up.
We left and she was asleep before we got out of the neighborhood - went down in her crib when we got home and slept for another two hours. Little stinker.
She likes to repeat words now and when she feels like it, you can get her to say just about anything. Her favorite word, though, is still “hi” and she likes to wave when she says it. The babysitter told me that while Princess was watching Dora this morning, she kept saying “backpack”. Wow - two syllables. What a little genius!
This morning I awoke to Speedy saying, “Mommy. Daddy. I’m awake now. Time to wake up.” He was still in his bed and was waiting for us to come and get him. It’s strange how now a days he stays in bed when daddy’s at work and waits for me to go and get him but will get out of bed when Daddy is home. It’s not like I fuss at him or anything so I really don’t know what’s up with this new little phase…..but I’m not complaining, either! So this morning I say, “Goooood Morning, Speeedy!” and this is the greeting I get in return: “Be quiet, mommy, so I can hear daddy!” To say he is a daddy’s boy would be the understatement of the year. I go to his room and give him a big hug and as he’s getting out of bed he says, “I sure love those huggins, mommy!”
Am I in trouble with these two, or what?
Speedy and Princess are having some playroom time right now and Speedy is ready to come out, even though they have a few more minutes until I’m ready for that.
Speedy: Mommy! Can I come out now?
Me: No, Speedy, you have a few more minutes. When I get dressed then I’m going to get you and Princess dressed.
Speedy: But mommy! It’s 8:30 O’Clock I have to come out now.
Me: (laughing) It’s 8:30 o’clock?
Speedy: Yes, 8:30 O’CLOCK!
Me: Okay, you have ten more minutes then. You can come out when it is 8:40 O’clock.
So he and Princess play for about another 30 seconds before I hear him playing with the blinds.
Me: Speedy, don’t play with the blinds, find a toy instead.
Speedy: Mommy! Did you know I’m tall?
Me: yes, you are very tall
Speedy: I’m really tall
Me: yes
Speedy: I need a diet coke…….a man needs Diet Coke……I’m tall like a man now.
Me: (no response because I’m giggling too much)
Speedy: Mommy, I a man and I really need dat Diet Coke.
Apr 19th 2007Cindy18 & 19 & 32 & 8
Sometimes it still hits me - I have a son and a daughter. You’d think I’d be used to it by now but I’m not. A daughter. A son. Wow.
I’ve been meaning to tell you that Princess is talking now - or at least she is saying a few words. She’s been saying “ma ma” for a while now but recently she has added “Nay Nay” (this is what she calls Speedy) and “hat” and “Bye bye” (i think those were her first real words) and now she also says, “hi”. I can get her to repeat me or to attempt to repeat me on just about anything but those are words she seems to really know.
We’re still not walking but we’re getting closer. Sometimes I worry a little that she’s not walking yet, but I know she will when she is good and ready. I actually think she could walk now if she wanted to. Princess is very sweet and affectionate - when I’ve been gone or in the other room for a while and I go in the room where she is, she’ll immediately crawl to me with a huge smile on her face and give me a hug. (her version of a hug is to lay her head up against you.) There is no doubt that girl loves her mommy and no doubt I love her.
Poor Speedy must have fallen out of his bed tonight because when I went to check on him he was curled up and asleep on the floor. He never cried or fussed so I’m thinking he must not have woken up - he didn’t wake up when I picked him up and put him back in bed. He’s really such a sweetheart, too. He almost always tells me “thank you” when I bring him his sippy cup or something else he wanted. This morning we went to the grocery store and I wasn’t feeling all that great (sinus thing) and was a little grumpy. After fussing at him a little for not moving as fast as I wanted him too, he said, “mommy, did you get mad with me?” I just looked at him and said, “Speedy, I’m sorry, mommy doesn’t feel good today and I just don’t have a lot of patience.” His response? “here, mommy,” as he puts his fist out, “you can have some of my patience.”
How did we get so lucky?
