My Ebenezer

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Just in case you don’t know the lyrics to this song, I’ll spare you the rest.

If I could figure out how to get music to play here, you’d be listening to some rendition of “Celebrate good times, come on!”

I awoke this morning to the sound of Carter saying “poo poo”. He was in Gracey room playing with her and daddyo and I were still in bed. Hearing this is never a good thing. Then I hear, “Mommeeee! I need to poo poo in da potty but there’s a roach in the way!”

What the heck?

I got up to see what all the fuss was about and there was a dead roach in the doorway to the bathroom. (ECK!) I helped him manuver around the offending roach and he sat on his little potty and pooped. YES! HE DID! HE POOPED! Not only did he know he needed to poop, but he held it until I got there to get him around the ugly roach.

And he has successfully pooped in the potty FIVE times this morning – and we’ve only been up for 3 hours. He does seem to have a bit of an upset stomach. *grin* but it’s working wonders for potty training.

So here is my advice: If you are trying to teach a little boy to poop on the potty, pray he gets diarrhea.

I sat down at my desk about an hour ago to blog about how wonderful Carter was at gymnastics today. And he truly was wonderful. No running away from teachers, sat in the circle the whole time for the beginning of class and only went to time out twice – for very short periods. He did really, really great. Naturally, I came here to gloat.

Not only did he do well at gymnastics, he also pooped on the potty today. He knew he had to go, he told me and we went. Woo Hoo!

As I was sitting here thinking about what a nice we’d had and how he’s been behaving so well, I noticed suddenly the overwhelming sound of quietness. I went to the den, where Carter was watching Mighty Machines, and this is what I found:

What’s a mom to do? We were nearing the “witching hour” (the hour before dinner and daddy coming home) and I could have lost it. Instead, I just sighed and told him not to move while I ran to get the camera.

He’d asked for chocolate milk and I told him not before dinner. The joke was on me.

He was so proud of his accomplishment:

Oh, Carter. You are SOOOO lucky you are soooo cute.

Carter had his first “hottub” experience yesterday when we had friends over in the afternoon. After playing in the water outside, the kids were cold so we came in and put them in a warm bath. Besides warming them up, they were all contained in on small place and us mommies could sit and enjoy for a few minutes! I think the girls had fun and I know Carter did.

Me:Why are we so lazy?

DaddyO: I don’t know, I think we’re both just really good at procrastinating. We could write a book on procrastination.

Me: We should do that. Let’s start on it tomorrow.

DaddyO: (laughing) that’s what I was going to suggest. See, we’re good at.

Me: My momma always told me to find one thing I’m good at and stick with it.

DaddyO: yeah, and mine always told me not to be a quitter.

Me: so I guess we’ll always be procrastinators, huh?

DaddyO: guess so. You know, when we’re retired I hope we’ll travel and stuff like so and so. They seem to have so much fun.

Me: I know. I’d like that, too, but they do an awful lot of hiking. We have to start now if we want to be in shape by the time we retire. (taking a bit of ice cream)

DaddyO: We need to do that, anyway. We’ve got to lose some weight and live healthier. (said as I’m passing him the spoon so he can have a bite of ice cream) We need to eat healthier

Me: (as I’m taking a bite of ice cream) I don’t think it’s as much about what we eat as it is how much we eat. (we both cracked up laughing)

DaddyO: well, I guess we’ll start watching what we eat tomorrow.

me: yeah, I guess so.

YES! We have poo poo in the potty again today!

Today was a pretty good day but I was exhausted by the time daddyO got home. It was bath time so I got the kids in and then asked if he would take over bathtime and bedtime while I took a hot bath. DaddyO is wonderful about helping out around the house and especially with the kids. He does a great job. But usually I’d feel guilty about leaving him with bath AND bedtime duty all alone. He gave me a very reluctant “yea, babe” so I thanked him and walked out. I stepped back in for something and he said, “where are you going?” DUH! You said you didn’t mind taking care of the kids so I could go and relax! I guess he didn’t think I’d take him up on it.

I’ve learned that every once in a while it’s okay to let him do it all for an evening. Just that extra 45 minutes gave me a nice breather and I was even done in time to take care of Carter’s bedtime routine. And I was able to enjoy it. It’s not that I ever thought him incapable, it’s just that I’d feel guilty about having him do it when he’d been working all day. But heck, I work all day, too!

Did I mention we had poop IN THE POTTY today? And daddyO wasn’t even here.

Carter was rather michevious today and got in trouble on a regular basis. Towards the end of the day after I had just fussed at him about something or other he said, “you love me when I have baaaaaaad behavior. you love me no matter what.” That’s right kid, I love you no matter what. For always.

If you don’t have the children’s book, “No matter what”, I highly recommend it. It’s a great tool in teaching preschoolers about unconditional love. Carter is obviously getting the message.

On our way to Grammy’s house this morning I taugh Carter a new song. If you grew up in church, you probably remember it as fondly as I do. “I’m so happy, so very happy, I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart. And I’m so happy, so very happy, I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart. And if the devil doesn’t like it he can sit on a tack – OUCH! sit on a tack – OUCH! – sit on a tack – OUCH! And if the devil doesn’t like it he can sit on a tack – OUCH! sit on a tack today. And I’m so happy…so very happy……”

Remember?

Well, Carter thought this was the best song he’d ever heard. So we sang it together several times and he even added some of his own words:

Me: I’m so happy
Carter: So very happy
Me: I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart. And I’m so happy
Carter: So very happy
Me: I’ve got
Carter: The lub Jesus in my heart
Me: and if the devil doesn’t like it
Carter: HE CAN SIT ON A TACK – OUCH!
me: Sit on a tack
Carter: OUCH! Sit on a tack
Gracey: OWWWW!
Me: and if the devil doesn’t like it he can sit on a tack
Carter: OUCH
Me: sit on a tack today …. cause I’m so happy
Carter: so very happy
Me: I’ve got
Carter: Jesus in my heart – AMEN!
Me: and I’m so happy
Carter: so very happy
Me: I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart
Carter: AMEN!

I was almost in tears as we were singing and he was throwing in his own amens from time to time. Even Gracey joined in on the fun adding her “ouch!” at appropriate times.

Then, as we got closer to Grammy’s, I’m not sure how the conversation started but it ended up something like this:

Carter:God will hurt me
Me: no, God takes care of you. You are very important to God and He wants you to be safe
Carter: Where is God?
Me: Where is God, Carter?
Carter: He’s up in heaven luvin’ us
Me: That’s right…He’s in heaven and where else is He?
Carter: He’s everywhere. He’s always with us.
Me: That’s right
Carter: and God doesn’t have butt paste

I saw Stella this morning. After I went to a store to buy her bras and underwear – and had to ask an African American woman if I should buy black or white bras. That woman thought I was nuts but I’m glad I asked because I would have bought her white ones. Sorry, folks, I am pastey white and I just don’t know these things.

She was happy and thankful to get the undergarments and still very concerned about why she hasn’t been moved to a foster home. It broke my heart to tell her that there just aren’t any available right now. We also talked a little about her behavior and how she can avoid leaving the next foster home she’s in.

Please pray for Stella. Pray for AMAZING foster parents to take her in and really accept her into their family unconditionally.

So much of our married life has been filled with the despair of infertility, the hope of adoption and now the agony of parenting. Ironic, isn’t it?

I have no regrets about our choices. Hindsight is really 50-50 and I can see so many of the “whys” I asked before Carter and Gracey. I’m so grateful we never got pregnant. We are so blessed with Carter and Gracey. I know that God chose them for us and us for them. So I really get frustrated with myself when I start to resent some of the smaller things. I missed the first 22 months of Carter’s life. I never got to have just one baby – I have no idea what it is like to the parent of one child. I missed a lot of alone time with him. I’m also missing alone time with Gracey because she is such a good, easy natured baby, it seems that Carter is the center of much of our activities. I feel like I’m missing out on a lot. When i do have time alone with her, I’m usually so tired that I can’t enjoy it as much as I should. I tend to take advantage of the fact that I can kind of “coast” for a while.

I get plenty of babysitter time but I use that mostly for work. Working part time is a huge blessing and I have no room to complain about it. But I do find myself stressing about it, even when I’m not working. For instance, right now I have a pile of stuff that needs to be done. I can’t do it when I’m here with the kids and when they go to sleep I’m too tired to even think about it.

But I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. I adore my kids. Even when other moms are giving me the evil eye as Carter runs around at gymnastics, I love that kid. And I love his energy and his enthusiasm for life.

Speaking of gymnastics. Sigh. For the first 15 minutes Carter sat on my lap or right next to me crying. He had just woken up from a too short nap and it wasn’t pretty. I went with him to his first station and coaxed him along a bit and he finally started warming up – but he wanted me right there with him. Keep in mind that as I am moving from station to station with him I’m also balancing Gracey on my hip. He finally “woke up” enough that I could go and sit in a chair but he kept a close eye on me. Compared to last week, he was wonderful. He did fall off of something (something he wasn’t supposed to be on) and hurt himself a little and I’m hoping he learned a lesson in that. He did okay, ran off a few times and sat in time out once or twice. Once I put him there myself. We did leave a few minutes early because he wasn’t listening anymore at all and I was just done. I think next week will be better. (fingers crossed)

Maybe you’re wondering about k-man? You know, the friend of Carter’s I invited to tag along because I knew they’d both get into mischief together? He was WONDERFUL. Listened very well, followed directions and had a blast. Showoff.

The thing is, Carter has been really clingy these past few weeks and I’m guessing it has to do with all of the little changes in his life. Potty training, no more MDO for the summer, new Sunday School class, no more high chair, etc….. It’s almost as if he is so ready to be a “big boy” but is still trying to cling to toddlerhood. I’m hoping it is just a phase. I’m just trying to give him lots of reassurance and encouragement.

This is turning into more of a book than a post and I’m all over the place. So be it.

I try to be so sensitive to married people who don’t have children because you never know if it is something they are hoping for or struggling with. I also try to be sensitive to people who have just one child for the same reasons. I know now why no one ever told me “the real deal” with parenting. I just wouldn’t have been able to get it. Just like my friends with no kids can’t understand how there could possibly be days when I just don’t like my kids. Or how my friends with one child could every get that it is so much more difficult with two, especially when they are close together. Okay, so I can’t really compare having two to having just one, but I’m going with what other people have told me. It’s like when you have two children, especially when they are toddlers and/or preschoolers, you are in a secret club. You can say things to each other that you couldn’t say to anyone else. I wonder if that secret club exists for parents of three or more children as well? I’m guessing it does. My hats off to you moms of three or more. I don’t know how you do it. Feel free to drop off one of your kids at my house for the day – but I want the one who is easiest.

“Children are a blessing from the Lord.” “Children are a blessing from the Lord.” “Children are a blessing from the Lord.” “Children are a blessing from the Lord.” “Children are a blessing from the Lord.” “Children are a blessing from the Lord.” “Children are a blessing from the Lord.”

Maybe if I say it often enough I’ll remember it when I need it most. Today was not a terrible day but I’m just feeling kinda “blah” about the whole parenting thing. This isn’t what I signed up for. Remember God? When I was begging you for children I had so many ideas of what motherhood would look like. Maybe you didn’t get my memo. Although I knew it wouldn’t all be fun and easy, I did expect a little more of the fun and maybe a tad more of the easy. I was going to create adorable crafts with my sweet, obedient children while teaching them some important lesson about faith. I was going to model Christ in my attitude each day, even through discipline. I was going to build self esteem by giving them little jobs and praising their efforts, even when their “helping hands” created more work for me.

What happened to the mom I was going to be?

Somewhere between my intiation into parenthood and now she packed her bags and headed for dodge. And I’m left with me. I don’t want to get up at 6:30 in the morning and welcome my preschooler to a new day. I want to lock him in his room so I can sleep for another hour or two. God forbid I should let him roam the house while I am asleep – the disaster that would ensue would not be worth another hour of sleep. Our compromise is for him to crawl into bed with me and watch cartoons while I doze a little longer. Who said using the TV as a babysitter was a bad thing? I know that couldn’t have possibly ever come out of my mouth!

The thing is, I just get tired. It’s hard to be a good mom when you’re tired, much less a perfect one. It’s hard to be creative when you’re frustrated. But I press on. I never would have imagined that parenting could be compared to war, but I know that there are days when I am in the midst of a mighty spiritual battle. What can I do but press on? At the end of the day when I get an unsolicited “I love you” from Carter or a spur of the moment “hug” from Gracey, all the craziness of the day melts away. Or at least most of it.

I’ve never known a love so fierce and overwhelming and exhausting all at the same time. To feel the little arms around my neck and the sweet kisses on my cheeks…..I’d do it all over again. And I will. Starting bright and early tomorrow morning.

or not. Carter has pooped again on the potty. I guess it is a guy thing and he’ll only do it for DaddyO. So today, I picked up turds off the floor yet again – but at least they were fallen turds and not intentional turds. If that makes any sense. Anyone else ready for the potty training phase of my life to be over? I know you’re tired of hearing about crap – I’m tired of picking it up.

Have I mentioned that Gracey is in to EVERYTHING these days? She totally cracks me up when she shakes her head and says, “nooooo” to just about anything you ask her. I know it won’t be funny for long, but right now it is really cute. She loves playing in the water outside and holds her own with Carter.

Tomorrow is another day at gymnastics. I couldn’t even bring myself to write about it last week because I was so mortified at Carter’s behavior. My sweet, although often energetic, child was ALL OVER THE PLACE at gymnastics. They sit in a circle and warm up for the first 10 minutes or so and I stopped counting when Carter jumped up and literally ran around the room until he was caught by a teacher four times. Do the math. At one point, there were three “assistant coaches” chasing him around the gym and as soon as they’d get close, he’d take off like a rocket. I sat in a corner in utter despair as I got the evil eye from the other parents. I can only imagine what they were thinking, “poor kid, he must not get any discipline at all at home” or “that kid needs a good spanking…” or even, “man, he is FAST.” LOL

They kept trying to redirect him and get him back in the circle but he thought it was much more fun to run around the gym and see how many of the different stations he could climb on before they caught him. Once they started working the different stations, he did a little better. Only had to sit in time out THREE times. (none of those three times were for his running around in the beginning) Did I mention the class is only 50 minutes long?

After class, we had a little talk and he went and apologized to his teachers for not listening. And I apologized, too. Profusely. And then I slinked out of there. What is my solution to this? I convinced a friend of mine who has a little boy we’ll call k-man to sign up, too. K-man and Carter are two peas in a pod – they have about the same energy level and the same attention span so one of two things will happen. Carter and K-man will sit next to each other and do well together or they’ll both be running around the room. Either way, it’s a win win situation for us – at least Carter won’t be running by himself.

Last week, I finally stepped outside – I couldn’t even watch. It was difficult for me to watch him misbehave and not do anything about it. I could have stepped in and disciplined him myself, but I really don’t think it would have helped. I think he has to learn when he is other places that there are rules he has to follow. I can’t be with him 100% of the time to make him behave, at some point he’s got to control his on behavior. I know, he’s only three. But I think following simple rules in gymnastics class is as good a place to start as any. It’s a safe place for him to face consequences of not following the rules.

But hey, what the heck do I know? This kid’s instruction book got lost before he got to me.

"Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (Rock of Help), saying, This marks the place where GOD helped us."

1 Samuel 7:12 The Message

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