My Ebenezer

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At dinner Saturday night, daddy looked at Carter and said, “what are you doing?” (as he watched Carter do something with his food) And Carter replied, “I’m just being like you, daddy.” Because he was mimicking exactly what Daddyo was doing at the time. Carter has often done things like that but hearing him say the words really struck daddyo’s heart. He told me later that night as we were preparing our Sunday School lesson that he couldn’t help but think about Carter’s words. He said, “you know, he wants to be just like me. That’s why I need to try to be just like my Father.” He went on to say how we should all be more childlike in our faith and in the way we try to imitate Christ in our daily lives.

Not to take away from the importance of this special moment for him, but this morning Carter gave daddyo the best FAther’s Day present we could have asked for. He pooped! In the potty! With daddyo’s encouragement. That’s right. I’m thrilled that he went on the potty – but I have to admit I am also a tiny bit irritated that after all my prompting and encouraging and praising and reinforcing that it was daddyo who got him to do it. It’s like the stupid jelly jar you can never open. You twist and pry for an hour and then hand it to someone else who opens it with barely any effort at all and gets all the credit for opening the dang thing – nevermind the fact that you loosened it. ha ha ha I’m just thrilled that we had poop in the potty – TWICE today. We sang, we danced, we whooped, we hollered, we gave him presents, we told everyone. And he was quite proud of himself. I know we aren’t there yet, but we’re one step closer. Hooorah!

Like I said before, it was a great weekend. Happy Father’s Day to all of you dads out there – whether you are a dad because of biology, adoption or even just circumstance.

Friday night, my parents kept the kids so Daddy-o and I could go out and celebrate – our birthdays were on Saturday. For those of you who were not with us last year – yes, our birthdays are on the same day and yes, it sucks. More on that later. Daddy-o ended up working late which was fine because I went shopping for ……a bathing suit. UGH!

Believe it or not, bathing suit shopping this year was more fun than it ever has been before; but I do have a few complaints. First off, let me give a big shout out to Dillard’s for offering swim suits for fat girls that don’t look like something from your grandmother’s closet. For those of you who have been there, you know what I’m talking about here and for those of you who don’t, bite me. I was amazed at the variety of suits and was even more amazed that they were stylish. On top of that, I didn’t see any bikini’s in plus sizes which is just wrong. Clarification: selling bikini’s in plus sizes is just wrong. Afterall, “plus size bikini” is an oxymoron.

I did mind, however, having to hike all the way to the farthest corner of the store to find the “Dillard’s Woman” department. It’s like all the retailers get together and decide that since we wear plus sizes, we need the extra exercise of walking to the farthest corner of the freakin’ store. Now don’t you think if we wanted to exercise we wouldn’t be shopping in that department anyway? Someone should really clue the retailers in – if they’d all get together and combine all of their plus size departments into one store that is right next to the food court and an entrance, they’d sell a heck of a lot more clothes. “Oh yes, this is all I need for today. One extra large pair of pants, two extra extra large tops, a Big Mac, large fries and a Diet Coke.” I really might be on to something here.

Anyway, I actually found several suits I could tolerate and ended up having to choose between them. Normally, I buy the lesser of all the evils. The one I bought is one of those “miracle suits” but I’m not buying the “miracle” aspect of it. It’s not a miracle. They just size everything two sizes smaller than normal so once you get your fat butt stuffed into one, your sucked in so tight that you actually look thinner. Until your eyes find the edge of the suit. Then it’s just nasty. Now, if they could make one of those that covered my entire body…….but I’d surely suffocate. So I bought the stinkin’ miracle suit because it did look the best – ironically, I had to buy it a size larger than any of the other suits so I could wear it and breathe at the same time. Once you get the right size, the whole “miracle” concept is completely lost but I like the suit and that is all that matters.

As Daddyo and I are leaving for dinner, we stopped outside to talk with a neighbor and learned that there were going to be three garage sales on our street the next morning. Two of them had advertised in the papers and everything and the others had put signs up everywhere. The kids were with my parents and we had been trying to find a convenient time to have our own garage sale…..what choice did we have? Happy freakin’ birthday. The kids are both gone; the first time in a year and a half daddyo and I can sleep in together and we decide we should get up at the crack of dawn and pull crap out of our garage and try to sell it. I’d been looking forward to sleeping in all day. Sigh.

Five am and we’re setting things up on tables because “everyone knows that the serious buyers start coming by at 6am.” Or at least they used to. Seems that people around here don’t really get moving before 8:30 or so – we could have slept for another TWO HOURS. Oh well. For getting up at FIVE AM instead of sleeping in on our BIRTHDAY, we were rewarded with a whopping $200. I’m sorry. But I’d gladly pay you $200 to let me sleep in. At least we got rid of a lot of junk.

We really had a nice weekend.

Are you praying for Stella? Please continue to do so.

This is part of what is wrong with CPS and the almighty “system”. Stella is in a hospital and has been there for about 4 weeks now. She was transferred there so some behavioral issues could be addressed. Today, I finally got through to someone who is in charge of her care there and got a little more information about what is happening. (I’ve seen her twice in the hospital) She should have had an evaluation upon entering this facility and has already been technically released (but is still there because there is no place for her to go) and hasn’t been evaluated yet. Talking with the director today, I learned that they have NO INFORMATION about Stella’s history. This kid has a four inch thick case file filled with information that is CRUCIAL to anyone caring for her – especially a physician or therapist. They have gotten nothing.

One of the biggest benefits of having a child advocated on a case like this is simply information sharing. I can make sure the appropriate people get the information that will help them help Stella. I was able to share a small bit of information over the phone with this director and her response was, “wow, this is the first I’m hearing of this. We have to have this type of information if we’re going to help her. This totally changes the way we should be treating her.”

Four weeks. The facility she is in now is a place that you and I have nightmares about. It’s scary.

What’s even sadder is that there is no opening available for her right now. No foster home, no residential treatment center, not even a shelter with an opening for a teenage girl. We live in the fourth largest city in the US and not here or any of the surrounding counties have a place for her. She needs bras and underwear. One of the things on my list tomorrow is to pick up a few things for her. She gets a clothing voucher from the state every three months but it’s not much. And although she should be getting it any day now, even if she had it in her hands it would be useless. She can’t get to any stores from where she is.

All of her personal belongings fit into a suitcase or two. Everything she owns.

Pray for Stella.

And if you can – scratch that, if you are even just willing – look into becoming a child advocate. It is a nationwide program and there is a child waiting for someone like you to stand in the gap and advocate on their behalf.

Those of you who know me IRL are going to get a real kick out of this. I’ve made a schedule. A REAL schedule for the entire day. My life is anything but organized and I’m hoping to change at least a part of that. See, part of the problem is that I need to be able to get a little work done during the day – even just 20 minutes in the morning and 20 more in the afternoon. That is mostly “real” work but also includes checking email, etc…. And everyone knows I could spend a little more time doing some chores around the house…

I’ve seen how both Carter and Gracey have come to expect bath time to happen right after dinner. Without even being told, Carter will usually start taking off his clothes as soon as we get up from the table – I can’t even remember the last time he’s asked to play outside, or play anything for that matter, after dinner time. He just knows it is time for a bath.

Because of his high energy level, I think that adding a little more structure to his day will help him and I know that it will help me. I really think we’ll all be happier with a little more planning and a little less “flying by the seat of our pants.” No worries, I’m not going to be a schedule nazi (except at bedtime, that’s pretty much set in stone most days ).

Anyway, we went to a teacher supply store this morning to get some chore charts and potty charts and I found a really cool folder. It is meant for a substitute teacher but I’m using it for babysitters and even as a reminder for myself. On the front, it has a schedule for the kids for Mon – Fri and a little place at the bottom for ideas and stuff. Alright, I’m just going to lay it all out for you and maybe some of you will have some ideas for other activities to fill in at various times. Here is our schedule for a typical summer day:

7:30 – 8 Breakfast
8 – 8:30 Get dressed / brush teeth
8:30 – 9:30 Play outside (go for a walk, play in the water, swing, ride bikes, etc…)
9:30 – 10 snack and TV time
10 – 11 Playroom time
11 – 11:30 Arts/Crafts/Music (coloring, play doh, dancing, singing, instruments, painting, special crafts?….)
11:30 – 12 Lunch
12 – 12:30 Reading
12:30 – 2:30 nap time / quiet play time (puzzles in room, movie in room, small cars, shape sorter) This may not actually be 2 hours for Carter
2:30 – 3 snack and TV time
3 – 4:30 Errands and/or play with friends
4:30 – 5:30 Playrom time
5:30 – 6 dinner
6 – 6:30 bathtime / brush teeth
6:30 – 7 talk about day, read books, say prayers, sing
7pm Lights Out!

I’m not sure about the rest time – Carter is good for about one hour in his room by himself playing quietly so I may let him rest on the couch and watch a movie and then have him play in his room quietly for a bit, I don’t know exactly how that is going to work.

So this schedule is on the front of the folder but it has each day listed so I can add Gymnastics and Bible Study days when we’ll be out. On the bottom of the front, I have ideas listed for music, arts and rest time. It also has a place to add a sticky note for special events or additions.

Inside cover of folder:

Graceyergency numbers: Cell phones, grandparents and poison control
Bathroom: Potty training instructions for Carter
Bathtime: instructions for bathing them – Carter does it himself, how to get them out (Gracey first, etc…)
Bedtime: Gracey needs her bear and her pacifier; Carter’s bedtime routine and what to do if he keeps getting out of bed, etc….

On the other inside of folder (which has a pocket for stickers and special instructions, by the way):
Rules: toys stay in playroom, Carter should not reach for items on counter, etc… (things that wouldn’t be obvious to a babysitter)
Discipline: 1, 2, 3 then timeout chair, what to do if Carter gets out of time out or throws a fit, etc…. (not that my child would EVER do that)
Special instructions for Gracey: she may nap earlier in day, what she probably needs if she is fussy, etc….

The back of the folder:
Snack idea: 1/2 juice, 1/2 water – goldfish, cookies, string cheese, apples, dry cereal – where they usually sit for snack time, etc….
Meal time: examples of foods that should still be cut small for Gracey – suggestions for dinner and lunch (in case I forget or didn’t plan to be gone that long)
Outside Play ideas: rules for swimming since we have a pool, what to do with the big dog if they play in back, etc….

and, most importantly, DIRECTIONS FOR THE REMOTE CONTROL and DVD player!

I know this is a lot of information but I guess that’s really the point. I put this together thinking it would be good for a sitter – especially for last minute things when I am in a rush to get out the door. Also, I’m terrible at writing things down for sitters and usually just rattle off a list of things I think they need to know before I leave. This way, it’s all in one place and it’s all there in case I forget or in case I end up being gone through bedtime when i hadn’t originally planned on it.

Keep in mind that while I am a stay at home mom, I do also work part time from home which requires a babysitter at least a few hours a week. I’ll have to redo the whole thing when summer is over, but by then a lot of the instructions will likely have changed anyway.

I think what I have is called a “Substitute Teacher Folder” if you are interested. With just a few adjustments, I think it will work well for babysitters. And daddies. It even sticks out a little wider on one side so I can file it. Hmmmm…if I actually had things filed I would really be organized.

I guess I had too much caffeine today because in addition to filling out this folder and coming up with the schedule, I also made a picture schedule for Carter. I printed small pictures (thanks to clipart) to represent each item on our schedule and I’ve got them in order on the wall by the TV. As we finish each activity, I’m going to have him take that one down so he can see right where we are and what is coming next. I’m hoping it will also serve as a reminder to visit the potty every time we take a picture down. We’ll see. Maybe every other time for those shorter activities.

Am I crazy? I know that structure is good for kids and I know most books suggest something like this but I’ve never known anyone to actually do it. Anyone? i’m just wondering how it works in real life. Obviously, things are going to happen and we won’t always color at 11am, but that’s a good thing. And it’s not like I’m going to say, “sorry, we can’t play at 11 because that’s when we sing and dance, can we make it 9:30 instead?”

I can hardly stand to read the news these days. If it’s not one horrific story unfolding, it’s another. I read these stories and can’t help but wonder where we, as a society, have gone wrong? When someone does something so wrong, is it because it was inevitabel for that person to become the monster we all dread? Or is he a once innocent product of the environment he grew up in? Are monstrous people a result of monstrous parenting? Or is it some combination of all of the above?

As a mother, I can’t help but wonder how I might be screwing my child up for life. I once heard someone say, “while I’m doing the absolute best job I can to parent my children, I’m also saving for the therapy they will inevitably need when they are older.” I pray that God’s Grace will supplement anything I may lack in the parenting department.

I’ve gotten completely off target now. What I wanted to write has more to do with headlines and less to do with parenting. Headlines are what catch our eye and invite us to read the rest of the stories, right? Good, Bad or indifferent, it is often the appeal of the headline that will determine whether or not we read any further.

Perusing the headlines in the grocery store checkout line, I thought of many titles for articles that could be written about my life, only one of which I’ll share with you now:

“Frantic Mother Scoops Poop”

That pretty much sums up my last week. But what about the overriding theme or the main selling point of life? What would be the headline of my life? While the stories unfolding day to day can be anything from hilarious to downright shameful, I hope the headline of my life doesn’t vary much. I know what I think my headline is and what it should be, but I wonder what others would say it is? How am I living day to day that reflects a life of faith?

More to come……..

Carter was doing so well with potty training and now it seems to have all gone to heck. He pooped on the floor again this morning but I wasn’t sure if he actually pooped on the floor or if he pooped in his pants and the turd just kinda rolled out. yes, I really had to contemplate that this morning. Not only that, but later today he climbed into Gracey’ crib when she woke up from her nap and he pooped his underwear while he was in there. I looked up and he was doing the legs apart, “i’ve got crap in my pants” stance so i knew I was in trouble. He started to wiggle and I picked him up as best I could, trying not to initiate any “rolling out of the underwear” movement. It started out great but then we made it to the hallway and all of a sudden I kicked something. It rolled, but it just didn’t feel right. I looked down and sure enough….I was playing soccer with king sized turd.

I guess I should be thankful that he’s “laying eggs” instead of squirting pudding but I’m really tired of this CRAP! Anyone hungry yet? Eggs? Pudding? UGH. Poor Carter even had several accidents with just pee today. It just wasn’t a good day for potty training.

Tomorrow will be better. We’ll be in the water a lot so who cares if he pees there, right? At least the water won’t be too cold.

Sigh.

In other news, Daddy-o has shingles. I thought that was an old person’s disease. Seriously. What does that mean? “Shingles” is just chicken pox in one location on your body that hurt like HELL. I’ve heard lots of pros and cons about whether or not to immunize kids for chicken pox – add to the PROS list that if they never get chicken pox then they’ll never get shingles when they are older. Anyway…

You know the rest.

Two accidents before 9am this morning and one incident of crapping on my carpet again. Neither of those tops the fact that I caught Carter trying to use a drumstick as a rectal thermometer on Gracey. Thank God his aim was WAAAAAAY off. I swear, I really do watch these kids.

More later. I’m tired.

I know many of you are anxiously awaiting news this morning on Carter’s bowel movement. You’ll be happy to know that he did, technically, poop on the potty. With his diaper on. He sat on the potty for a long time and kept telling me that he “didn’t have any poop in his hiney”. I asked him if he could poop in a diaper and he immediately said yes. Finally, after tons of encouragement and positive reinforcement, I was just too pooped to care. So I put a diaper on him and told him he needed to sit on the potty in his diaper and poop. He produced his gift in less than 30 seconds.

I congratulated him on pooping on the potty in his diaper and again told him about all the goodies he’d get when he poops in the potty. And I also reminded him what would happen if he poops on my floor again. I promised to give him a diaper if he tells me he needs to poop again later today.

I’m at a loss on this one. We took Carter and Gracey to a MLB game and Carter really had a good time. He even got to wear his big boy underwear. He’s had two days in a row with no accidents and is really doing well with the potty thing. In the mornings, I tell him to go to the playroom and poop so we can take his diaper off and put his big boy underwear on. And he does. Almost on command in the mornings. He absolutely refuses to go in the potty so I just let him go in his diaper.

Here’s where I’m at a loss. He knows we want him to poop in the potty. I have even told him he can tell me if he needs to go poop and I’ll get him a pull up or a diaper. However, this afternoon, he pooped in the playroom. ON THE FLOOR. That’s right. He pulled his shorts and underwear down, squatted down and crapped on my carpet. Stop laughing.

So he knew he had to poop and had enough time to drop his pants. The little potty was like 5 feet away from where he pooped. Why in the world didn’t he just poop on the potty? So I’m thinking now that he really knows and he really can control it most of the time. So do I put him in time out when he craps on my floor again? Okay, scratch that. I don’t care what you say, I’m putting him in time out if he poops ANYWHERE other than the potty or a diaper/pull up. We talked about it and he knows he will go to time out next time. I told him that from now on he’s going to put his poop in the potty like all the other big boys. He said okay. Ten bucks says he poops in his diaper again tomorrow.

Which is okay, I guess. But not on my carpet! UGH!

"Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (Rock of Help), saying, This marks the place where GOD helped us."

1 Samuel 7:12 The Message

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