My Ebenezer

YAY! After a very emotional afternoon, I went to pick the kids up from school and almost cried at Speedy’s door. Speedy’s teacher told me that “he had his best day ever!” yesterday. He listened, followed directions and did what he was supposed to do. Woo Hoo! I was so fired up! Yay, Speedy!

About this whole baby thing. Wow. ANYTHING could happen. I have no idea how far along she is or if she is even for sure pregnant. Only time will tell. I guess we may know more in a couple of weeks with GrannyJ comes back to town and sees them again. It’s a strange place to be in - knowing the possibilities and even the likelihood that this baby will enter foster care and be placed with us. If there even is a baby.

You know what I want you to do….let’s go ahead and start now, claiming Jeremiah 29:11 on behalf of this child. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.’”

It’s an odd place to be. We could have another baby. Or not. And I’m fine either way. We’ll be thrilled to welcome a new child in our home and we’ll also be thrilled with our family of four.

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Shock.

Excitement.

Fear.

Longing.

Uncertainty.

Hopeful.

Sick.

Thrilled.

These are just some of the things you feel when you find out that the birthmother of your children is pregnant again. Knowing that in Texas, CPS will automatically take custody of a child born to parents who have already had their parental rights terminated by the court. Knowing that the first place CPS will look to place this child is with the adoptive parents of the siblings.

Please pray for the health and safety of this unborn child.

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I visited with Stella’s new foster mom yesterday in her home and I really like her. She seems to be a Godly woman whose heart is in the right place as she works to restore these kids. In fact, she has 9 brothers and sisters and most of them are foster parents. They all get together every Sunday after church.

I’m not sure how to put it into words, but there seems to be something very special about this home. The mom is very positive and seems to take every opportunity to fill these girls with love. I can’t remember her exact words, but she told me about a conversation she had with Stella where Stella said she was “different”. The foster mom explained to Stella something along the lines of “I am different because I am always positive. And I’m going to pour out of myself into you all the love and hope and positive thoughts I can muster.”

There is a schedule and everything is very well organized. Stella is going to hate it. But I think if she can stick it out that it’s exactly the kind of evironment she needs.

Keep praying.

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What did you do this weekend? Hang out with your family? Spend time with some dear friends? Maybe help your kids with school work? Maybe you still take classes and you had to catch up with your own school work? Stella moved to her NINTH placement in 10 months. She is fifteen years old.

Do you remember high school? I mean, do you really remember? The insecurities, the desire to just fit in, the difficulty in knowing who your friends really were?

School started about two months ago. That is approximately 8 weeks. Stella has been to 3 different schools, 3 different placements, 3 different sets of rules, friends, etc…. She is now at her fourth placement (just since school started) and will be starting her FOURTH school. She’s already started over four times and hasn’t even made it through the second six weeks.

While we went on with life as normal, Stella was making this latest move. She is devestated right now and emotionally exhausted. Please continue to pray for her and for her new foster mom.

In the meantime, two family members have decided that CPS is not meeting Stella’s needs (DUH) and each has seperately asked to start the process of getting custody of Stella. There is a very good chance that one of these family members will be a good placement for her - the other I’m not too sure about. I mean, after giving up and refusing to accept responsibility for a child, it’s difficult for me to send that child back to you. Not that it is my decision - I have no power, only influence. Anyway, it will be interesting to see what unfolds over the next few weeks. Just please pray for the whole situation and also for wisdom and discernment for me and for the CPS caseworker.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could get Stella into a permanent home before Christmas? Maybe there is still a chance.

Sadly, Stella represents only one of a number of kids just like her in care. Most of them without an advocate working on their behalf. The thing is, as a volunteer advocate, I’m no miracle worker - I don’t do anything extraordinary. I’m just there. For each placement, for each transition, for each anything, I am there. I’m cheering her on, listening to her and loving her the best I can. But mainly, I’m just there. Her caseworker will change. Her placements will change. Her schools will change. Her doctors will change. Her therapists will change. Her volunteer Child Advocate will stay the same. I gather information and coordinate all the new service providers. I follow up to make sure she is getting therapy and seeing doctors and so on. Tomorrow morning, I’ll make calls to try and get her registered at a new school - a process that can sometimes take days for workers to get to. When you move to 4 different schools in the first two months, missing days each time as you wait for registration information to change hands can lead to missing weeks of school and failing. And the last thing any teenager in foster care needs is to get another grade behind. As it stands now, Stella will not graduate high school before she turns 18; once she turns 18, she will no longer be able to be in foster care.

I could go on and on and on. But it’s late and I’m tired and you are probably tired of hearing me complain. If you want to help, pray. If you want to contribute to Child Advocates so that more kids can have a consistent person advocating for them, you can do that here. It doesn’t take much to make a difference.

Maybe you’ve been reading about Stella for a while and you’ve decided you’d like to get more information about becoming and advocate yourself. Child Advocates is a national organization so I’m sure there is one close to you. Email me or leave me a comment if you want help finding out more about how you can become a volunteer. Hey, if I don’t meet my fundraising goal of $5000 for the marathon, but I get even one more person to become an advocate, I’ll consider my venture a huge success.

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You are breaking my heart.

It’s 1:15am and I just got home from un unexpected visit to the foster home. Where I talked with an emotionally distraught Stella, witnessed an unbearably emotional exchange between foster mom and another foster daughter who had been with her for THREE YEARS, spoke with three different police officers and spoke with a heart broken foster mom.

Needless to say, Stella is moving yet again. Through sobbing, she told me she “just couldn’t do it anymore” - that she didn’t want to have to start all over again with meeting new people, new parents, new school, etc… and on top of everything else, she has a boyfriend she is leaving behind this time. Someone she describes as “so sweet” and who makes her whole face light up when she mentions his name.

All four kids in this home are being moved because of some very bad choices on the kids’ part. I’m sad for Stella. I’m shocked that the foster parents are so shocked about what was going on. And I am absolutely heart broken that a girl who has lived with this family for THREE YEARS is being forced to leave by the foster parents because they are hurting. And I know they are truly hurting - I could see it in their eyes. But it’s just not about them. I can see them sending three away because they aren’t as emotionally invested…..and although every move is bad for these kids, for the three it is just another move. For the fourth, the one who has been there so long, this is abandonment - from someone she loved and trusted.

So now I’m curious. Put one boy and three girls - all teenagers, all serious issues of neglect/abuse/abandonment by birth families, at least two with a history of se#ually acting out, all in foster care - put them together under one roof and leave them unsupervised for any amount of time whatsoever…..what do YOU think is going to happen? When you go to sleep at night and the kids are all upstairs, what do you think is happening? When you leave them for even just an hour to run an errand, what do you think is happening?

Why are you so surprised?

As a foster parent, is it okay for you to put kids out of your house because they have disappointed you in such a big way? Granted, there is no way they could continue to have both the boy and the girls in the home. But the one who’d been with you for three years? What message are you sending that poor child? I love until….. I love you unless…. At what point does a “foster parent” have to face up to the same accountability as parent? I guess what really gets me about this is that these really are good foster parents. And they truly are heart broken right now. Devastated. They did treat these kids as if they were their own….. I’m just wondering, if this one girl in particular, if she were their biological child and the same thing happened, would they put her out?

Maybe it will make more sense tomorrow. Pray for Stella. Pray also for these foster parents to find forgiveness in their hearts. Pray for the one girl who is losing her family all over again.

Edited to add: The girl who had been with them for so long is back with them again.

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Without jinxing myself too much, Speedy is fully and completely potty trained and has been for some time now. He doesn’ even wear pull ups at night anymore. I honestly don’t remember the last accident we had.

We were playing out in the front yard earlier and he pulled his shirt up and started to assume the “potty position”. I said, “Speedy, if you need to potty go inside to the bathroom”. It is not uncommon for him to pee behind the bushes when we’re outside playing. It worked when we were in training and, honestly, it’s just easier than all of us having to go inside now. So I didn’t push it when he said he was going behind the bushes. I looked away for a minute and then when I looked back he had a funny look on his face and his pants were around his ankles. (not normal for peeing, he’s gotten quite good and only pulling out the necessary equipment and not even unbuttoning his pants)

I said, “Speedy, if you’re done, pull up your pants.” He said, (with eyes bulging a little) “I’m…..just…..going………ppp….ppoooooo”! “NOOOOO!, Speedy, we poo in the potty, not outside.” To which he replies, “unless we’re at Uncle John’s farm”. ha ha ha So I watched in horror as he pooped, standing behind the bushes. There was no squatting involved. At the same time, the little dog we are sitting ran across the street and was barking at some boys and I was trying to coral her as well.

Speedy somehow stepped in the poop and it also got on the back of his jeans (no squatting). Yuck. And let me just tell you, it STUNK! The story could end here, but what fun would that be?

We took off shoes and pants and went inside where he let me know he needed to go “finish”. I told him to stay on the potty until I got back there so I could clean his bottom. And here’s the really fun part. I told him to bend forward a little so I could wipe his butt - he bent over so far he had his hands on the floor. I had a great view. But hey, his butt is definitely clean now.

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That’s what I got when I read this.

It is really just around the corner. And this is how insane I am this year, I’m making lists for the kids and I’ve put it all in tables complete with pictures, links, prices and descriptions.

I think Santa will be bringing a Step2 Dream Kitchen for both kids to find on Christmas morning. If your kids have a kitchen, please tell me what you like or don’t like about it.

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The title says it all. The stomach flu comes complete with diarrhea which Speedy manages to make it to the restroom for, most of the time. Thankfully. This was our coversation this morning as he was sitting on the pot:

Speedy: ooooh! That looks like chicken.
Me: mmmm… it does?
Speedy: chicken diarrhea….(giggles)
Me: oh
Speedy: it looks like chicken nuggets, mommy!
Me: eeew!
Speedy: awww, there’s a little crabby
Me: ok
Speedy: poor little crab, he’s a diarrhea crab

I’ve heard of making pictures out of clouds, but never before diarrhea. So the next time you’re stuck on the pot….think of us.

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Last week Princess had Bronchitis. This week, I’m pretty sure Speedy has it. He is home from school today and I have a pile of work to do - real, paying work - which makes for an interesting morning. He is SUPPOSED to be playing in the playroom or watching TV but keeps finding excuses to come into my office. He is not supposed to be doing anything except watching tv or playing in the playroom -

Speedy: ooooh! Look what I found, mommy! (holding up a peppermint candy) Isn’t that silly?
Me: Where did you find that?
Speedy: I just found it. It was just there. I should probably eat it, huh?
Me: Was it in Daddy’s box?
Speedy: Yes, that’s where it was. It’s funny, isn’t it?
Me: No, it’s not funny when you get into daddy’s box.
Speedy: Well, I think I should just eat it.
Me: Fine. Just eat it. Stay out of daddy’s box.
Speedy: Yes m’am.

a few minutes later…..

Speedy: (carrying part of what I think may have been a curatin rod thingy…??? and not wearing a shirt) Uh oh. I broke it.
Me: Where was that?
Speedy: in the playroom. I just broke it. It was on the curtains.
Me: hmm….. leave it here and we’ll fix it in a bit. Mommy needs to work.
Speedy: Speedy needs to play.

a few more minutes go by

Speedy: ooooh! Look at this! (holding up a bottle of bubbles and trying to open it)
Me: Stop!
Speedy: I just found these bubbles.

My work day is over.

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It’s 1:30am and I’m awake and typing at the computer. Something is very wrong with this picture - gone are the days when I can sleep until 10 in the morning so I have no business being awake at 1am. I’m justifying it with the knowledge that tomorrow around lunch time I’ll be heading out for the weekend and leaving the family at home.

That’s right, two nights and two days to myself. It’s the pre-deer season getaway. Funny thing is…..I kinda don’t want to go. I mean, what am I going to do for two days with no one to take care of? Although I don’t feel like I need it right now, I know it will be a long time before I have this opportunity again so I need to take it. Maybe I’ll catch up on some scrapbooking or something productive like that. Or maybe I’ll stay in my pajamas and watch movies all weekend. Either way, I’m going.

I met with a play therapist today and I really like him and feel really good about the approach he wants to take with Speedy. Speedy will meet with him next week and in preparation for that, we’ll tell Speedy we talked to someone we want him to meet blah blah blah blah blah….anyway, just to kind of lay the groundwork for that, this is the conversation I had with Speedy tonight:

Me: You know, baby, mommy and daddy have been a little worried about you. We know you’ve been having a tough time at school, huh?

Speedy: Yeah. That’s why I just shouldn’t go to school anymore. Not ever anymore.

Me: It sounds like you have really made up your mind that you don’t want to go to school anymore.

Speedy: Yeah. But I HAAALF to, huh?

Me: Well, I’ve had to go places I didn’t want to before but then I started liking it again. I think we can work on that and help you like school again.

Speedy: I just don’t want….I don’t want any of the friends to be there.

Me: You want to go to school and be there by yourself with just you and your teachers?

Speedy: YES! No friends there. Just ME!

Me: What would you do with just you and your teachers?

Speedy: I would run all around the room and they would run with me.

Me: That would be fun!

Speedy: And I would jump back and they would jump back.

Me: Would you still go to Library?

Speedy: No! No friends there. Just me.

Me: Yes, just you. But would you and your teachers still go to library and read books?

Speedy: YES!

Me: What about the playground? Would your teachers play with you or just watch you play?

Speedy: They would just watch me play. I want all the playground to be yellow. Mom, will you paint it all yellow for me?

Me: (I’d paint the whole world yellow for you, if I could) If everything on the playground was yellow, it would look like sunshine.

Speedy: Yeah! It would be yellow like the sun is yellow.

Me: I think we can work together to find a way for you to like school again.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love that kid?

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