My Ebenezer

There is all kinds of excitement around here as we wait to see what Santa will bring. We talk constantly about why we give and receive gifts at Christmas time, but Speedy is definitely aware of what Christmas Eve is all about with regard to Santa.

Princess got this tierra headband as a gift and she found it this morning and put it on herself. Cracked me up. I had to get a picture - the quality stinks because it is from my cell phone but it’s important to point out that I did not pose her for the photo.

And here is Speedy next to the cookies and milk we left out for Santa:

I hope you and your family have a very blessed Christmas!

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Later this morning I’ll be taking Christmas gifts to Stella. In her new foster home. She’s been there for a little over a week now. I’ve lost count of how many homes she’s been in since entering care and I don’t have the heart to count them anymore.

Sometimes I feel like I’m beating my head against a wall with her. It’s frustrating and disheartening, but what am I supposed to do? Give up? Not a chance. This year, she’ll spend Christmas with strangers. I can’t imagine what that must be like.

The marathon is rapidly approaching and I’m trying not to think about it. You may have noticed that you haven’t seen any “training day #” posts in quite some time. I figure I’ll just wait and do all my trianing in the two weeks leading up to the event. Well, I may die in the process but I am going to walk that marathon. Even though my attempts at fundraising have been nothing short of pathetic. **shameless plug*** if you are looking for a last opportunity for a tax write off before year’s end……..

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I bet you’ve never heard it sung like this before:

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Guess I haven’t been very diligent about updating lately. Life has been busy.

The quick update is that Speedy will start his new school in January and I think his new teacher is going to be wonderful. He got to meet her today and when we left I said, “she sure seems nice.” His response was, “super-duper”.

The closer Christmas gets the more excited I get. It’s funny how perspectives change after you have kids - I’m no longer excited about the gifts under the tree, at least not my gifts. I CAN NOT WAIT to see Speedy’s face when he sees what Santa brings him. And the other gifts, too. I know Princess will be ecstatic when she sees her “princess dress and jewelry” - I just can’t wait to see their faces.

Back in 2005, Christmas, we were disappointed that we weren’t celebrating with little ones. We knew it would happen within the year, but we were so hoping for a family by Christmas. I can only imagine that God was sitting in heaven, waiting eagerly for February to arrive because He knew that’s when our little gifts would arrive. I know He must have anticipated the looks on our faces and the smiles in our hearts when our dreams became reality. God wants good things for us. He has good things for us. We just have to wait on Him and trust His perfect timing.

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Well, i visited the potential new school today and am really impressed with what I saw. I have another meeting next week and will get to visit with the teacher Speedy will have if we choose to enroll him. I’m looking forward to that.

I know I often write about the funny and not so funny moments with him so I have to brag on my guy today. He spent much of today with his Granny and they were going to visit some of her older friends - I was really apprehensive about that because old people generally have a lot of stuff that can easily be broken. When I picked him up, Granny went on and on about how wonderfully behaved Speedy was. For the record, this is not a Granny who would say that no matter what - I can count on her to tell me the truth and she admitted she was also a little nervous about the visits. I was so excited that he did so well today. At dinner, he jumped out of his chair and made it half way through the den and the stopped. He turned around and ran back to his chair and as he was climbing back in he said, “oh! I almost forgot.” Once he was perfectly seated in the chair, he said, “may I please be excused?”

Yes, dear. And would you like some chocolate with that? ha ha ha

I talked to Speedy about not going back to his same school with his same teacher and he was more than fine with it. He almost seemed relieved. On the way to pick up Princess, I said, “Speedy, if you’d like to stop and say hi to your teacher or tell her goodbye since you won’t ever be going back to her class, we can do that. It’s up to you - you don’t have to.” He said no. Then he said, “yes, I think I should.”

I didn’t think anymore about it. Until. Until we got in the hallway and he runs up to her door where she is talking to two other moms and says in his LOUDEST voice, “BYE Miss. ___! I’m NEVER coming back to your class again!”

You know, since Princess will still be attending school there and we’ll still be walking that hallway twice a week - I made a point to park where i always park which meant walking right by the classroom. it’s not like I had it out with the teacher or anything. But I’m sure she has been made aware that the reason we are leaving is because I do not like the way she interacts with the kids. Specifically, with my kid. But still. We’re not in junior high, right? Well, at least not before Speedy’s little outburst.

I’m rethinking that whole walk by the room every day thing. Maybe we’ll park in the other lot from now on.

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More to come.

We withdrew Speedy from school, effective immediately.

I’m looking in to another program and have an appointment to visit it this week. Speedy is still having issues at school - and I do believe his teacher may be contributing to them; or at least she is not helping the situation.

More later.

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How badly do you want your child to talk to you about his/her day at school? Every time I pick Speedy up from school or Granny’s or wherever, I try everything I can to get him to tell me about his day. Asking direct questions doesn’t work - I have to let him talk at his own pace and sometimes that means I don’t hear from him on the subject.

It’s funny, because most of the time i know what he did while I was gone. He played with the water hose at Grammy’s, or the rocks at Granny’s or he saw Santa at school. I know the jist and sometimes even the details of what his day was like. But I still want him to tell me. Even if I know he had a blast and loved every minute of it, I want to hear it from him. I want to hear the way he describes and watch his face as he does so.

Just like God wants to hear from me about the details of my life. He wants to see my face and hear the way I describe what is happening. He longs for me to just talk to Him. Even though he already knows every detail.

This just occurred to me yesterday and I don’t think my prayer life will ever be the same again. Just as I wait for Speedy to talk to me, God waits for me to talk to Him.

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I don’t know how parents of children with serious issues do it. Emotionally, I am drained just from talking with Stella a couple times a week and feel like I’m beating my head up against a brick wall. She has not moved again, but it is only a matter of time.

Stella gets to visit with some of her family - one person in particular who stays in contact with her. She even gets to spend the weekend with this person and everything was working beautifully until Thanksgiving. At Thanksgiving, Stella was allowed to travel with this family member and saw a lot of her family again. She returned on Sunday and got into a very serious altercation at school on Monday. One that ended with her getting a ticket for assault.

She shows no remorse.

Her attitude following the incident was horrific. She was giving foster parents a hard time, she hung up on me and was refusing to participate in any services that might benefit her. She gave her foster family heck. Foster mom even tried to have her removed because she can’t deal with her behaviors anymore. Right now, she is on a weekend respite -staying with another family to give the foster family a break. Stella was not at all happy about that. All of the sudden, she was ready to comply with rules and didn’t understand why she had to go for a couple of days.

It would be so easy to get frustrated with her, even angry. But I get angrier at a system and a family that has more or less abandoned her. Her future is bleak. I always have hope in Christ but I have to tell you, that hope is a hard thing to hold on to for Stella. I have an idea that she will move from one on state sytem into another, harsher one. But I hope not. I am praying for a miracle. For a change in her heart.

And if …. when she moves again, I am going to request that she enter a facility instead of a foster home. Unless some serious intervention happens, she will not survive. I am afraid that the intervention will not happen unless we can get her to stay in one place long enough to establish a good rapport with a therapist and have the same doctor long enough to find the right med (if needed) at the right dose for her.

I don’t see how it will be possible for any of the above to happen while she’s in a foster home….because I don’t think she is capable of functioning in one. I wish I could find my miracle family for her - a family like this one. Parents who refuse to give up on their children, even when they suffer abuse because of it. Parents who define unconditional love. Parents who know how to set boundaries and be firm and demonstrate God’s love all at the same time. Parents who truly, in every sense of the word, lay down their lives for their kids.

I want that family for Stella.

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I absolutely love watching the kids interact and play together. I swear sometimes they are already teaming up on me. This afternoon, I watched through the rear view mirror as they consipired and was smiling at how sweet they looked. Speedy had one finger up and they were both leaning in like they were sharing a secret. It looked as though he were giving her serious life lessons. Evidently, he was. This is what I heard:

Speedy: Princess, THIS is a GIANT BOOGER.

And then it went into his mouth.

GAG!

It could be worse, he could have tried to feed it to her.

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Christmas tree - check.

buy presents - check.

wrap presents - maybe later.

We picked out a Christmas tree last night and Speedy said he wanted to get the one that had the most lights. I had to explain to him that the lights are put on once we get home. So, tonight, while he’s sleeping over at Granny’s, I put the lights on the Christmas tree and used all of them we had. He’s going to be so excited when he gets home tomorrow.

We’ve been having some sleep issues and we’re all exhausted because of it. He’s been waking up - and I mean WIDE AWAKE - in the middle of the night. We finally got him to stay in bed and then he started calling out for us - not in a way that indicated fear or concern. Just boredom. The result of the night wakings are day nightmares. His behavior has definitely shown the lack of sleep. I hope this phase passes quickly. I really feel sorry for him.

It’s strange not having them here. They’ve been done only a few short hours but I’m already feeling wierd and ready for them to be home. I guess I just feel best when my family is all tucked in safe and sound around me.

I can’t wait for Christmas. I can’t wait to see their faces. I need to get Speedy to make a list of the people he wants to give presents to and let him help me pick them out…or make them.

By the way, so I don’t forget to mention it later….

I’ve started doing some school work with Speedy at home. When he’s not in school and Princess takes a nap, we spend about 10 minutes focusing on a letter of the alphabet. I bought some pre-k homeschooling workbooks and that’s what I’m using to teach him. I figure he is such a little sponge right now, why not? It’s very laid back and who knows, he may not even be actually getting anything out of it. We also have computer time and he LOVES to “work” on the computer like mommy. I bought a game that he loves and it helps him with numbers, letters, matching, etc….

Oh, and Daddyo has been puking all day.

BLEH!

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