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So remember back when I would post how much I was walking to prepare for this marathon? I haven’t written anything about it in a long time because, well, I haven’t walked since the last time I wrote about it. Yes, that was back way before Thanksgiving. So what’s going to happen this Sunday when I go to the marathon?
Your guess is as good as mine. Hopefully, I will live to write about it on Monday. 
First Day – new school
Posted January 7th, 2008 at 3:42 pm. 1 comment
Carter was very excited about going to school today – not at all anxious or even nervous. In fact, despite my plans to walk him in today, he remembered that he can be dropped off and walk in by himself. When we got in the car, that’s one of the first things he said. I told him that tomorrow he could start walking in by himself but that today mommy wanted to go in with him. “Um, no thanks, mommy. I’ll do it myself.”
I thought he may change his mind when we got there but no such luck. When it was his turn, he clammered out of the van and turned to wave, “Bye, mom!!!!!” as he raced away towards the playground. The teacher who was helping redirected him towards the door. It made me feel good that when we pulled up and I told her we were new and introduced Carter, she knew who he was and whose class he belonged to. I’m sure he’ll have a great time, today and I can’t wait to hear about it after school.
What stinks is that he may not tell me anything at all and I won’t talk to the teacher today. 
Thanks for your prayers and support. I know that God has a perfect plan for Carter (Jeremiah 29:11) and I also know that each thing he struggles through will help mold him into the man God created him to be. I wouldn’t change a thing about him because he is absolutely perfect just the way he is. And he is so funny, too!
Finally, a real post
Posted January 7th, 2008 at 4:45 am. 3 comments
I know it’s been a while since I’ve really written…
It’s just that lately it’s been hard to process what’s in my head and my heart has been heavy. Being a parent is so much different than I ever imagined it to be. It hurts a lot more than I thought it would and it also brings me immeasurable joy. We waited so long to be parents and now that we’re here sometimes it just feels so overwhelming.
If you are a parent, you know what I mean. You know what it means to love a child so much it hurts. You know what it means to watch your heart run around outside of your body. You know what it means to be emotionall exhausted and exhilirated at the same time.
Almost two years ago, our world turned right side up when we brought Carter and Gracey into our home and into our hearts. I still remember it like it was yesterday. We were so full of hope that they would become our forever family, and in my heart I knew they would. There were days in the beginning that I thought I just couldn’t do it – someone had made a mistake because I couldn’t go one more day with a 2 year old bouncing off the wall and a newborn baby. And then I’d get some much needed sleep and I’d wake up ready to take on the world for those kids.
I’m remembering that now because I’m waiting to wake up again. It’s not that I don’t think I can do it – I know I can. I’m just feeling rather defeated these days. Graceyotional. (and I really hate that) On the verge of tears. (and I really, really hate that) You have this picture of what parenting will be like and no matter how much you think you are prepared, you’re just not. I can handle the everyday stuff…the getting sick…the loss of freedom…the poopy diapers and chocolate syrup in the rug. I knew it would be that way. What I didn’t know, is how often my heart would shatter.
When we took Carter out of school, we made the right decision for him. I hope that we are making another right decision by enrolling him in this new school. He starts tomorrow and I’m very anxious and trying to work it out of my system before morning so he doesn’t pick up on it. He’s having trouble in church, also, and that is really getting to me. Daddyo went to the children’s service with him this morning and he did pretty well with daddy right there keeping him on track.
Last Sunday, I had a very unpleasant conversation with a staff member regarding Carter’s behavior. It wasn’t ugly or rude or anything like that, it’s just that what she had to say was, in my opinion, incredibly inappropriate and misguided. I don’t expect people at church to be perfect, not even the staff, but I do expect compassion from someone in her position and definitely didn’t get that. We love our church family (but every family has a black sheep or two, right?) and I was touched when I received not one, but two phone calls from other staff members following up with helpful suggestions and possible solutions rather than just complaints.
Here’s what I think is the hardest part for me. Carter is not agressive. He doesn’t bite or hit or kick. He doesn’t blatantly disregard instructions. He’s not oppositional. He has a very hard time sitting and focusing for more than a few minutes at a time in a group setting. His constant movement and talking is disruptive in a group setting. I honestly don’t know that he is capable of doing some of what we’re asking him to do. (paying attention and sitting quietly during story time, etc…) I’m not sure if it is an emotional/social immaturity or the first signs of ADHD or something else along those lines. All I really know is that I love my baby boy and I want him to be able to behave appropriately for his age.
And then I have to ask myself what the real issue is that I’m having. Am I making this about me? Can I move past my dream of having everything be just hunky-dory? Unless you’ve been there, you have absolutely know idea how difficult it is to constantly hear about your child’s behavior issues. To constantly be asked for answers you don’t have. And it sucks when people say, “Carter is …………” rather than “Carter’s behavior is ……….”. I never used to understand why the wording mattered so much but I totally get it now. When it’s your child, you want to make sure there is a difference between the child and the child’s behavior.
Carter is so much fun to be around. He never stops smiling and laughing and has the kind of smile that reaches his eyes. His love for life is contagious. It’s hard to not keep him with me all the time where I know he can be protected and loved. But I know that is not the answer. He’s going to have to find his own way and our job is to help him.
Say a prayer for him and his teacher today. And pray that God will give us wisdom and discernment. And a little more self-control on my part because if I have another conversation with that person I’m afraid of what may come out of my mouth.
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Mathew 11:28-30
Deadly Potatoes
Posted January 4th, 2008 at 4:20 pm. 2 comments
Carter playing with the dollhouse princess got for Christmas:
Carter: Oh no! The ground is shaking……
Me: uh oh, why is the ground shaking?
Carter: A potato is coming! Oh no! Here comes all the wind….
Still Here
Posted January 2nd, 2008 at 4:32 am. 1 comment
Regularly scheduled blogging will resume eventually.