My Ebenezer

So that is the ringer I have on my cell phone right now. What can i say? I’m a child of the 80’s. Every time that ringer goes off and I see an unfamiliar number, my heart skips a beat. Every time my home phone rings and I see an unfamiliar number, my heart skips a beat. Although I hope it is at least a few weeks before baby arrives, it could really happen just any time now. And I feel like I’m holding my breath.

I need to change my rings so that all familiar calls have the same ringer. That way I won’t freak every time it goes off.

Waiting has never been easy for me.

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We were lucky enough to bring a catepillar home from our vacation in the country. Speedy thought it was the coolest thing ever to let that little creepy crawly move all over his hand and arm. EEEEK! We put it in a jar and I grabbed a few leaves from the area where it was. I really expected it to die, as many earthquakes as it went through on the way home and all. Last night we thought it was dead but then noticed what looked to be a cocoon starting to form. This morning, it was fully encased in its cocoon.

Isn’t that cool? I know Speedy is excited but I am too! I hope it makes it to a butterfly, how cool would that be? I googled it and I think it will take anywhere from 9 - 14 days so we’re keeping an eye on it. I’m thinking of all kinds of cool analogies and lessons I can teach Speedy from watching it emerge as a butterfly.

My luck, all the excitement will take place in the middle of the night.

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An excerpt from February 3, 2006, not long after receiving the call about Speedy and Princess;

It doesn’t seem real to me; that all of this could happen so fast. I don’t believe it is really happening at all. I wan’t going to write until Monday, but we need your prayers. It would be so easy for me to pray that we get both of these children moved to our house and that we get to keep them forever. But we have to think of the children first. Their needs are so much more important than ours - PLEASE pray that God will put them in the place that is absolutely best for them. Pray also for us - that if they come here and are only here for a while that God will give us what we need to survive that.

Above all else, pray for a scared two year old little boy who probably doesn’t understand much of what is happening to him right now.

We are SO STINKIN’ excited we can’t stand it. We’re trying to guard our hearts but we can’t help but love these children already. Thank you, God, for the opportunity, for the hope and for your neverending Grace.

So much of that is what we are feeling today. Only now, it through the perception of parenting for two years. It’s as thought what we experienced for 48 hours before, is being stretched over 9 months now. We are in the final stretch. Birthmom is 33 weeks along now.

People I’d appreciate you praying specifically for:

baby
birthmom
doctors/nurses who deliver the baby
social worker at the hospital
CPS intake worker
investigative CPS worker
Ad Litem appointed to the baby

All of these people will play a key role in bringing this littly guy home.

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I don’t know why I was even worried about the home study. How many times does God have to prove His faithfulness, His power over the details, and His unending love for me before I stop sweating the small stuff? The things that concerned me the most about the home study never even came up. Questions I thought would be difficult to answer weren’t asked. Questions I would have considered answering dishonestly (shock! I know, who would have thought ha ha) were not asked.

Not only was the worker compassionate and caring, she was also sensitive to our timeline. It can take up to 45 days for a homestudy to be written up. She said ours would be finished on Monday, Tuesday if the computers were down. That’s less than 48 hours, people. Pray nothing prevents her from completing it.

Now, we wait. Everytime the phone rings and it is GrannyJ, my heart skips a beat.

Psalm 23:1 “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.” He will meet all our needs. He is enough for me.

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So day 3 wasn’t quite as fun. I was a little tired of the green worms, a little irritated with an exhausted 4 year old and in a big need of a change in scenery.

We took Speedy to an exotic zoo place where we went on a “safari”. He was in hog heaven but I felt sorry for hte animals who didn’t look all that great. He was in awe of feeding the camels and other animals from his hands.

I found out that fishing and ADHD are not a good mix. Not. At. All.

I’m more and more anxious about the caseworker coming on Saturday for the homestudy. Last time, we didn’t have our parenting skills put under a microscope but this time we will. I absolutely HATE having the state so involved in our lives but it’s a price I’m willing to pay. I was reminded again on this trip of God’s infinite wisdom and power. Sitting high on a hill overlooking the beautiful Texas Hill Country was breathtaking. The thought that jumped into my head was that if God can create everything as far as my eyes can see, He can surely take care of the details of this adoption. Once again, we’re going on faith and praying for wisdom. Afterall, if He wants this baby to join our family, it will be up to HIm to get all the details to fall into place.

I miss my little princess. I talked to her on the phone every day and Granny told me that she would hug the phone. I think she’ll be happy to see us and I’m a little worried that she’ll be attached to my hip for a week. Granny also said that she walked around the house looking for Speedy and the second day we were gone she climbed into his bed and layed down. Poor baby. At least I know she is having fun with Granny and being spoiled rotten.

Tomorrow, it’s back to business as usual as we all get back to work. I wish there were more opportunities for long weekends away. I think I’d like to live in a camper and roam the country. But definitely not with preschoolers.

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Today wasn’t as exciting as yesterday… adrenaline wise, anyway. We had a great day riding the ATVs and watching the animals. The buffalo were watched from afar this time.

Speedy got to open his new Spiderman fishing pole and had a blast practicing his casting all over the yard. He also found some catepillars and enjoyed letting them crawl all over his hands. It was difficult for him to understand why the catepillar would most likely die if it landed on mommy, but he was very careful not to get to close to me with it. Smart boy.

Dangling from most of the trees around here are these little green worms that spin webs kinda like spiders but not exactly. As you drive under and through the trees, you are bound to get some of the worms on you. I do not like this part of the trip. I DO NOT like worms. Especially little green ones that can crawl on you for who knows how long before you see them. Speedy was great at knocking them off of me but when I flicked one off of him, he said, “Mommy! Boys like worms!”

Some friends drove up from San Antonio to have dinner with us and we enjoyed our visit. Speedy had fun telling them all about the animals around here.

I was so intent to write about the Buffalo yesterday, I forgot to mention Speedy’s biology lesson. We drove up to a fence next to some Longhorns and were watching one and not paying too much attention to the others. Until the bull decided to mount the cow and we all got an eyeful. It was quite a display. SPeedy didn’t say anything immediately, but he did later say, “daddy, that bull just stuck something in that cow’s butt.” Oh dear. Today, he said something about it again and I just said, “Speedy, that’s how baby cows are made.” I waited to see if he would comment further, but he didn’t.

Part of me is afraid of what our family dog my face if Speedy ever decides he wants a puppy, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. I don’t think he knew what the bull was sticking in the cow so at least I don’t have to worry about that.

Oh, dear. There’s always something to learn around here. :D :D

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We arrived on the ranch just before 11pm and went straight to bed. What a surprise when we awoke to an unbelievalbe sight - deer feeding in the pasture; buffalo roaming and longhorns spread throughout. The rolling hills of the Texas Hill Country is just breathtaking.

After running into town to get supplies, we spent about 3 hours on the 4-wheelers, just exploring the 450 acre ranch and all the wildlife. Needless to say, Speedy was in hog heaven. I am certain his face is sore from all the smiling. He does very well driving the four wheelers - don’t worry, he’s not on them by himself.

An interesting thing happened with the buffalo. Did you know that Buffalo are not like cows? They don’t get spooked when people are close? Speedy and I were on the four wheeler and we zoomed by daddyo and heard him saying something and waving, but laughed and kept going. Afterall, the universal sign for “STOP” is not a hand waving, it is one hand extended.

I did stop when I saw a montrous buffalo stand up and turn towards us. It slowly started walking our direction and I got a little spooked. I put the four wheeler in reverse and it started moving faster. I got a lot spooked. I threw the thing into high gear, grabbed a hold of Speedy and took off like lightening. Speedy was screaming (though he wasn’t sure why) and I looked back to see a freakin’ herd of buffalo chasing behind us. Daddyo stopped and flagged us by him - as I flew past him I hoped he’d be okay and wouldn’t get trampled but at the same time I was grateful for his sacrifice. It never occurred to me to try and help him. By the time I looked back again, the coast was clear and daddyo looked like he was going to pee in his pants he was laughing so hard.

Evidently, the danger wasn’t severe and what he told me when he finally caught up was, “I yelled and told you not to go too fast and stir the buffalo all up. I was waving my hand to stop.” That’s when I explained about the universal sign for stop.

AS it turns out, the buffalo probably thought we were coming to feed them as that is one of the attractions on the ranch.

A quiet retreat with the family - $500

Gas for four wheelers - $50

New pair underpants - $10

Adrenaline rush - priceless

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Today we buried my 19 year old cousin, Logan. He touched many hearts with his gentle smile and we were honored to have him in our family. 19 years is too short; it’s not a long enough time to spend with your child. Many people look at a funeral as a way to say goodbye. I’m glad that for us, it isn’t goodbye but see you later. We may not get to hug his neck again on this side of heaven, but we will be reunited one day.

I like to imagine that my maw-maw and uncle “burbie” were there waiting to greet him at the doors of heaven. Arms open wide, welcoming him into glory and taking him to sit at the feet of Jesus.

Although his body didn’t function the same way yours and mine does here on earth, tonight he is running on streets of gold. Laughing and singing “This Little Light of Mine”.

So shine on, Logan.

We’ll see you on the other side.

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Okay, prayer warriors, please cover our home study worker. I think her name is Denise, though I’m not too sure. She’ll be coming out to do our study on Saturday, April 26 around noon. It’s always nerve racking to have someone evaluate your parenting skills. I’m a little nervous.

Please pray.

Sometimes I can’t believe we’re going through all of this again. No regrets, it’s just a pain in the butt.

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