My Ebenezer

Jeremiah 29:11 is not a verse that I see regularly. Not like John 3:16 or John 14:6. It’s not one that is typically found on bookmarks, bumper stickers and t-shirts. So when I run across it, I like to think of it as God’s way of just reminding me He’s still with me.

As I am pulling up to a red light yesterday, I move a little closer to the SUV in front of me so I can read what is on the back. I’m not sure if it was a sticker or actually painted onto the vehicle itself. It was our verse. My heart smiled immediately. Of all the cars on that road, of all the trucks turning left, my van was right behind this one? Not a chance. So maybe that voice in the back of my head starts talking too loud and drowning out all the belief from earlier in the day. And then I get a phone call from a friend in another state, telling me that she has been thinking of me a lot this past week. “Three times in the past few days,” she says, “Jeremiah 29:11 has popped up in random places.”

See, I believe God speaks to us every day but we often miss it because we just aren’t listening. Speedy has this uncanny way of just tuning me out completely when he’s watching TV or doing something else that requires his attention. It’s annoying when he doesn’t respond to me, but he not only misses the things he doesn’t want to hear but he also misses things he does want to hear. Like, “speedy, do you want ice cream?” That’s when I know he has just really tuned me out.

We do that with God a lot. We just completely tune Him out because someone or something else has all of our attention. Every once in a while Speedy will get in trouble for not following directions and he’ll complain that he didn’t hear me. My response is always the same, “you should train your ears to always hear mommy’s voice.” (this only applies to those times when he tunes me out) As Christians, we should train our hearts to always hear His voice.

No, I don’t believe in coincidence.

My body snatching friend shared an experience with me which reminded her of “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” That was this morning. This afternoon I swam with the kids and was retelling the events of the day to daddy. As the words came out of my mouth, His words poured from my heart.

“I kept telling Speedy he would be okay, to go on and swim to the side and I’d be there if he needed me. I told him I wouldn’t let anything happen to him. He knows how much I love him and how I care for him every day, yet he was still afraid he wouldn’t be able to come up from the water….”

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

How often does God wonder why it is so hard for me to just trust Him and swim.

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After a thorough evaluation, we finally got the diagnosis I knew would eventually come. Speedy has ADHD. I can honestly say that I’m relieved. If it wasn’t ADHD, it would be something worse because I knew it was SOMETHING. I’ve got more to say about this but i’ve already used up 5 of my 30 minute quiet time today so i’ll save it for later. Have to rest before kids realize it is swim time.

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Remember when I used to stalk my caseworker, before we brought Speedy and Princess home? If you were around back then, you know what I’m talking about. I’m too lazy to go look up any links this afternoon….

Anyway, now I really am a stalker. I even have friends who have offered to help (thanks, Brigitte). Speaking of Brigitte, who would you call if you killed someone and needed someone to help you hide the body? Brigitte is my person. She’s the one who would ask no questions and carry all the dead weight I asked her to carry. ha ha. I’m not sure if that is really a compliment, but I’d like to think that it is.

Back to the stalking. Calling case workers, hospital social workers, etc…. all in an effort to keep a child safe. Part of me feels like a baby snatcher. But it really isn’t like that. I would love to bring this baby home, but I also LOVE my family just the way it is. I can live with this baby being in another healthy home, though I would prefer it to be our home. What I can’t live with is knowing that this child could go home with birthparent who is simply not capable of being a parent right now. I’d like to believe that a person can change dramatically over the course of two years, but evidence doesn’t support that. I can’t save every child out there, but if I can make a difference for just this one, then you bet your butt I’m going to. Stalker or not, I will do whatever it takes to keep this baby safe. Because at the end of the day, I’m the one who sees my reflection in the mirror. And if I could have done more but didn’t, I wouldn’t want to see that reflection.

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Not much to say these days. Just trying to get everyone healthy and back on track.

No baby news. I keep thinking it has to happen just any day now, but who knows? I think the closer we get to the due date, the less sure I am that we’ll have the opportunity to adopt. I don’t know why…that’s just what’s playing though my head.

I only want what God has for us - whatever that may be. It’s just that I’m ready to know what that is!

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AC went out today. For those of you up North - this is HUGE. Temps are already in the 90’s.

I also have fever, aches, etc….. (unrelated to the AC)

Really? I mean, REALLY?

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Well, things have settled down and we are now only dealing with the whole fraud thing. Fun times.

I should have mentioned in the last post that Princess is perfectly fine. Probably just had a virus. Basically, the hours we spent at the hospital were for nothing. Like I said, fun times.

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Thursday
While teaching online class, overhear message on machine from Daddy that Granny is in hospital, about to have emergency appendectimy.

Rush to hospital.

Further testing requires; surgery is postponed.

Get home to find Princess with fever of 102.6.

Friday
Leave house at 5:30am to get to hospital for 7am surgery.

Call peditrician at 9am.

Go to my own dr. appt at 9:30am.

Rush to pediatrician to meet Grammy with Princess and Speedy for 10am appt.

Leave peditrician at 11, go to same hospital GRanny is in so Princess can have labs run.

hold screaming Princess while blood is drawn from her arm.

Wait another hour for hospital pharmacy to fill prescription.

Phone call from Peditrician that WBC is way too high on Princess.

Saturday
Take Princess back to Peditrician and also take Speedy because now he’s a bit sick, too.

Stay home all day with sickly kids.

Dinnertime, Princess fever quickly spikes to 103.5.

Call doctor on call.

8pm, get call back from doctor recommending we go to Texas Children’s Hospital for more testing.

2am, return home.

Sunday
Speedy wakes up about 7am, approximately 4 1/2 hours after we go to sleep.

Mid morning, daddy checks bank account online and discovers about $2000 in fraudulent checks.

I mean, SERIOUSLY?

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As I was driving home from Bunco tonight (Darn Nicole for winning in THREE categories!) I was thinking about baby Isaac. Wondering what in the world is going on with the bio parents and when this sweet miracle child will arrive. Not really worrying, just wondering and waiting and longing. As I came up on an overpass, I looked up and saw the moon in all its glory - yellowish orange, full and HUGE. Just as I looked up to see that, the music started as if on que and this is what filled my heart:

When I survey the wondrous cross…On which the Prince of Glory died, My richest gain I count but loss And pour contempt on all my pride. See from his head, his hands, his feet…Sorrow and love flow mingled down. Did ever such love and sorrow meet Or thorns compose so rich a crown? O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross… Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live. O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross…All who gather here by grace draw near and bless Your name. Were the whole realm of nature mine…That were an offering far too small. Love so amazing, so divine Demands my soul, my life, my all.

As much as I may be longing for this child, My God is longing even more for me. As much as I may want this child, My God is wanting even more of me. Nothing can I gain - not even a child - means more than the cross. It was a few minutes of peace as i drove in silence pouring out my heart to a God who wants me more than I could ever imagine. I long to hold this baby close to my heart and let him rest his head on my chest. God longs for the same from me. He longs for the same from all of us. I have never met this child and may never even get the opportunity to feel his breath on my cheek, but I love him. What does that say of the love God has for us, His children? How much more, how much greater is His love for us?

Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus. Because He first loved me.

For a different perspective on a full moon, read what daddyo showed my sister a few years ago… (and seriously, if you haven’t read about that, you really, really should.)

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I stumbled across this old post tonight and was reminded again of God’s infinite power. This is a prayer I feel was truly answered - we did build a decent relationship with the birthmom and have continued that in limited ways over the past two years. I pray it will continue through this next leg of our journey.

In the endless wondering about baby Isaac, the questions pop into my mind with rapid fire: Is baby healthy? When will baby be born? IS baby a boy or a girl? Will baby come home to us? Will we get to see baby soon after he/she is born? Will baby be in the NICU for long? Will we get to see birthparents again? Will there be family visits this time around? Will CPS do what it should and follow through?

Soooo many questions. I only have one answer and it is from Jesus who said, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible .” Mathew 19:26.

EVERYTHING is possible with God. We are praying for a healthy baby. We are praying we get to bring baby home soon after he/she is born. We praying the process runs very smoothly. All we can do is trust that God is in control and fully submit to His authority and His wisdom.

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I forgot to post a week or two ago about the slip n slide. Did you have one of these as a kid? I remember we had a long, yellow one that provided hours of entertainment. I also remembe that it was often difficult to really get a good slide going - we even tried bubbles to make it slicker. At the end of last summer, I bought Speedy a Spiderman slip n slide on clearance. I don’t think we’ve ever had so much fun on $3.

I put it out for him and he couldn’t quite get the hang of it. So i said, “step back, honey. Let momma show you how it’s done.” Now, I am not a small woman. I could tell you I am “big boned” but we all know that is just a synonym for big and fat. I’m okay with that description as I have mirrors in my house and know exactly what I look like. And, by the way, not many women can pull of gorgeous and fat the way I can. ha ha ha

Anyway, there aren’t many up sides of being big, but I found one on the slip n slide. As I ran towards the “red carpet” in my backyard and dove onto the slick surface, I flew across the slide like superman. I even ate a little grass at the end. It was so much fun, I had to do it a few more times. I pray none of my neighbors were looking over the fence, but if they videoed it, you can bet they’ll win big money. The surface area and weight give you a lot more momentum on the slippery surface.

My knees hurt like heck the next day, but it was lot of fun.

Who says skinny girls have all the fun?

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