My Ebenezer

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Sometimes I really don’t like doctors. It’s bad enough when doctors question me or don’t like my questions. But when we are dealing with my child, you bet your butt i am going to ask questions whether you like it or not. And if I don’t like the answer, I’ll ask more to make sure I understand. And if you don’t like it, TOUGH. Because I am the best advocate for my children. I am the only one with all of the information - behavior at home, school, church, evaluations by other doctors and professionals, etc. So you dern well better listen to ME.

URGGGGH!

Can you tell I am irritated. I’m irritated with several things tonight. And as I type how irritated I am, that still small voices speaks quietly in my heart: “why not ask ME to help you find the right doctor for Speedy.” Afterall, He is the authority and REALLY knows all of the information. So scratch what I said before. Guess I am not the one who has all of the information. My bad. Thanks, God. Love that public reminder of my humaness.

so internet people, pray that I will find the right doctor for Speedy. The one God has in mind. I know it is not the one we saw today because sometimes you just know in your heart and in your gut when something just isn’t right. And this place wasn’t right.

So back to what irritates me. I still have access to the same resources that I had when I was foster parenting Speedy and Princess. It angers me that it is so difficult to find someone in that category who really seems to care about these kids. the kids who often need help the most get sent to places that only accept them because they can’t get enough of the other clients.

irk.

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I just scheduled FIVE appointments. how is it possible to have so much to do?

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Daddyo: Bennigan’s is closing! Man! I need to get one of their neon signs.
Me: What?
Daddyo: they have a sign in the back of every store with my name on it
Me: it says O’Brien not Brien
Daddyo: well, I thought we’d hang it over the bed since that’s what you say to me in there

Sorry. I just had to. Actually, he made me post it. He cracks himself up.

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Speedy has this thing about wanting me to make up songs at bedtime. I’ve made up songs about Batman, Spiderman, various other superheroes, his toy box, his ceiling fan, etc… you get the idea. Tonight, we were on the couch doing our little bedtime routine and I said, “let’s sing a song about daddy”. So I would sing a line and then he would. Most of his lines were “Daddy kicks…or….Daddy farts…. or Daddy stinks….. or Daddy you are mean.” Said with a big smile. then he and daddy made up a song about me. This is how it went:

Daddy: Oh Mommyo
Speedy: you fart alot
Daddy: Oh Mommyo
Speedy: you kick your feet
Daddy: Oh mommyo
Speedy: you are so hairy

Nice. Thanks for that, Speedy. Sadly, the first thing I thought of was I have to blog about this. No, scratch that, the first thing I thought was, “wow, he has really noticed the obvious”. He added another line that said something about me being as hairy as daddyo. Nice. Good thing I’m not sensitive about my ancestors the apes.

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We have an anonymous email account set up so the bparents can send notes for the kids. Which they’ve done about 5 times over the last 2 1/2 years. Anyway, I got a note from bmom today that said, among other things, “…I wish you lived with your real father and real mother but I know you are happy….”

Okay, bleep. Here’s the deal. A REAL mom does not do drugs while she is pregnant. A REAL mom shows up to visit her child. A REAL mom would walk through fire to get her kids back if they were taken from her. A REAL mom doesn’t have to send her kids emails because she hasn’t been able to have any contact with them in two years. A real mom finds a way to put her children before her addiction or she gets the help she needs so she can do that. A real mom feeds her kids regularly. A real mom keeps her kids safe. A real mom gives her children stability. A real mom doesn’t sell her kid’s toys so she can buy drugs.

You are not a real mom. Your children don’t know you and they probably never will. I am the only mom they will know and I am the kind of mom they deserve. I get up with them at night when they are sick - I doubt you ever heard the middle of the night cries. I comfort them. I discipline them. I nurture them. I love them with a selfless kind of love. I love them enough to teach them about Jesus and try to model Christ for them in all the ways that I can.

You will never read these words because as much as i would like to speak them to you, it would not be good for MY children. I want to preserve whatever kind of relationship I can with you so that they can find you when they are much older, should they decide to do that. I remind myself over and over that it is not my job to punish you. It is my job to be Jesus for you and believe me, it is hard to do. When you wrote that you would be getting Isaac back because you are going to do everything CPS asks you to do, I won’t ask you why you haven’t shown up for any visits. I won’t ask you why you haven’t shown up for any testing. I won’t even ask you why you didn’t ask me how Isaac was doing in this email.

Isaac is my son. He has been from the very beginning, way back when I first learned of his conception.

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Being sick with 2 of 3 kids also being sick is not more fun than being sick with one of 2 kids.

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In the process of potty triaing Princess. Actually, she is in the process of training herself. We remind her about every hour or so to pee on the potty and she does very well most days.

She and Speedy were playing in the playroom and they both come running into the den. Princess Shouting, POOPY!

Speedy: I just saw the biggest turd in Princess’s diaper
Princess: (holding the front on her diaper down enough so we can also see the biggest turd) BROWNIE! Brownie in dere! ooooh! Brownie in my diaper!

Gross.

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Trip went very well. Wish I had a lot more time to visit with friends I don’t see often enough. We make friends as we go through life, some for a season and some for the remainder of our lives. There is nothing in the world better than a good visit with an old friend. There’s just never enough time.

In the bathtub last night:

After I returned from getting towels:

Me: Speedy, are you peeing in the bathtub?
Speedy: I already did and I just teed on Princess’s hair
Me: really? hmmm How did you manage that?
Speedy: I just got it on her head
Me: did you stand up in the tub (which would be a great infraction that peeing on his sister, ironically)
Speedy: No, I just peed really really really hard and made it shoot up and then I leaned my wee wee over like this and it got in her hair
Me: (trying not to laugh) Okay. Well, I need to go talk to daddyo about this and see what we’re going to do. That was a bad choice.
Speedy: I’m sorry, mom.

I had to get out of there before I cracked up. I mean, what do you say to that? Maybe it’s time for them to stop bathing together but it sure is convenient.

Yesterday, Grammy was over for a bit and Speedy was in the backyard playing with the water hose and various other amusing items. We watched as he very cleverly used a long pipe to reach through the fence and get a bbq spatula. He kept looking towards the window to see if we were watching and we had to duck down. Grammy was leaving and went to tell him goodbye. Their conversation went something like this:

Grammy: Speedy, mommy and daddy saw you get that spatula so be careful. I don’t want you to get in trouble.
Speedy: Is there something we can use to cover the window so they can’t see me?

That kid.

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We are taking our first trip as a family of five. Drivining for about 2 1/2 hours to visit with friends and pay our respects to a wonderful man who touched my heart throughout my childhood. He was a father figure and I can remember him picking me up to be his “helper” at a church Day CAmp when I was too young to be a counselor and too old to be a camper. He was the kindest man I’ve ever known.

I can see him, with his rosy red cheeks and big smile, sitting at the feet of Jesus and hanging on every word.

I’m looking forward to seeing a lot of people I haven’t seen in a long time - though I wish it were under different circumstances.

And I have to tell you, traveling with a family of five is quite an adventure. First off, who REALLY wants FIVE extra people sleeping in their house? Especially when 3 of those 5 are under the age of 5. So finding a place to stay if you don’t want to get a hotel room is challenging. Luckily, I have a great friend who still has young children who is taking us in for the night. Speedy will get to spend the night with my sister and his favorite cousin - which he is VERY excited about. I think he is most excited to get them all to himself.

It’s going to be a long ride - it already is. We’ve been driving for an hour and although Speedy and Princess are watching the DVD player, Speedy feels it necessary to act as commentator for us since we can’t see the screen. It’s not annoying at all. Really.

Sigh.

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