My Ebenezer

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The kids and I went to the grocery store today and had ourselves a little adventure. Carter and Gracey “driving” the little car in front of the basket (which makes it almost impossible to push because it is so heavy) and Mathew was riding in the basket (which is much shorter because of the car)…which left me not much room to put groceries. I got soft drinks so the bottom of the cart was full with that – everything else went in the basket, around Mathew and stuffed down underneath his carrier. By the time it was over, I had asked Mathew to hold the pull-ups for me and when I placed them on his lap, he laughed. I honestly don’t think people walking by even realized I had a baby in the basket.

Except one. There was this older lady – grandma type. She smiled at the kids and at me and then saw Mathew. She has almost passed me when she stopped and said, “I’m sorry.. .I just have to look at your precious children.” I laughed and told her I’d stop everything for anyone willing to admire my children! “I’m always looking for a chance to show them off!” I said. She talked to Carter and Gracey and then to Mathew, asked me how old they all were. And then she got that far away look in her eyes as she said that her daughter was about to start treatments again. “They’ve been trying for so long,” she said….”she’s already lost two.” My heart immediately went out to her as I smiled and said, “my children are all adopted. I know how hard that is.”

Her whole demeanor changed – she perked up and was very surprised. She asked a little about the process and I got to share a little of our story with her. I told her about our agency and she asked about the cost. Cost is a HUGE barrier to a lot of people who want to adopt so she almost fell over when i told her the most it would cost through the state is $1500. I told her the name of the agency again and told her to share it with her daughter if it ever came to that.

There are lots of things about my day that got me to the store at just that time – I time I normally WOULD NOT have dreamed of going grocery shopping. With three kids and the two big ones hadn’t had lunch – it was 12:30pm… lunchtime AND naptime. But I went because Mathew had only just woken up and it was really the only time I could go. And I went yesterday, too, but once I get inside and got everyone situated…. I completely forgot what I went to get and what I needed. (which is why I made a list for today’s adventure.. LOL)

The point is I believe God had each of us walk down that aisle at the same time for His divine purpose. To give someone hope? To lead a mother to her child? To just offer a small connection for someone who was hurting? I will never know. But I do know that it was a God thing.

I love to meet people who are hurting because of infertility – I love to meet loved ones of those who are hurting. It gives me an opportunity to show them compassion and to let them know they are not alone. I’ve met some terrific gals because of my infertility. In fact, Brigitte is one of my best friends and we met because of the support group we had at church. That was about 4 years and 5 kids (between us) ago.

God always takes care of the details and He can use ANY hurt we have to reach others. To reach us. He can heal any broken heart. He is the only One who can give beauty to ashes.

I’ve heard the term before and I’m definitely against it. But I didn’t know until yesterday exactly what the process was. And I wish I hadn’t found out.

Want to see what murder looks like?

Ok. I’m just too tired. I’ll write about this tomorrow. LOL. I know. I’m a loser.

Mathew,

You are the cutest baby ever! And quite possibly the fattest! I can’t believe you are 4 months old already. You love to laugh and Carter and Gracey and you smile every time I pick you up. You reach for toys and suck on your whole hand! You are a super sleeper, but you roll yourself over periodically and can’t get back to your tummy. We have to help or you’ll just fuss and fuss until we do.

Gracey loves to mother you and is quick to get your pappy whenever you start to cry (which isn’t often). Although you love your sleep, you are very good natured and don’t get fussy when i cart you around all day and destroy your nap schedule.

I don’t remember life without you. I’m glad I don’t have to. And I can’t wait until I have the piece of paper that says you are legally ours – even though you have been ours from the very beginning.

PS Sorry this letter is a few days late.

You turned 4 months old on Monday.

Ooops.

It looks like birthfather is going to sign over his parental rights. Caseworker will take the paperwork to him in a week and I’ll be wating to hear how it all turns out.

There are a lot of things going through my mind about this – but more than anything it gives me hope. Not for Mathew, not for me, not even for hoping the whole adoption process will speed up. It gives me hope for birthfather.

And it will be a beautiful gift for Mathew.

I am loving the fact that my sweet husband cleaned my house from top to bottom this weekend. Even washed ALL of the laundry (it was only about TEN LOADS) AND folded it. He cleaned toilets. He is amazing.

On the way out of church today, Gracey was holding up the picture she made and showing it to strangers….telling them it was beautiful. At home, she got something on her face and said, “I got my bootiful face all messy.” LOL Guess there are no self esteem issues there.

Mathew keeps waking up at night because he rolls on his back and wants to get back on his tummy but can’t. Can not wait until the kid can roll the other way, too.

Carter is still the light of my life. I smile just thinking about his contagious enthusiasm for life.

Arrgh. You know what I hate about school? You have to be so careful how you talk to the teachers. So careful how you phrase things, how you communicate. Taking away stickers is a difference of philosophy I guess. I think it is terrible and undoes any motivation that might have occurred originally.

I did confirm that they do “sometimes take away” stickers but she said she doesn’t think that’s happened to Carter to yet. So what I want to say is, “if you remove my child’s sticker from the chart you will also have to remove my foot from your butt.” But I can’t say that. So no worries, I’m only venting here. She seems very nice and she seems like a good teacher. A difference of opinion on stickers doesn’t make her a bad teacher.

I just have to figure out how to be a proactive parent without being a pain in her butt.

Sigh.

I so wish we had last year’s teacher again. She was so amazing.

I learned something today. (shocker!)

I learned that God wants us to receive little blessings in life – He wants to give us good things. Even the little things. I know this because once again I’ve gained a new perspective through the eyes of a mother looking at her child.

God’s love for us is infinite….unexplainable…uncomprehendable. Yet we are often called His children and He is our Father. The little things in our lives really do matter to Him.

I went into Carter’s classroom yesterday and noticed that on the “you did a good job at something and need to be recognized with a sticker” chart, he has only one sticker. There is a kid who has none but several who have 5 or more. Now who cares about stickers, right? I didn’t. Until I noticed my baby didn’t have more than one when most everyone else did. It’s stupid but it makes my heart hurt for him. And then I go getting all defensive of him and “what’s wrong with this teacher’s process” sort of thing.

Don’t worry, I didn’t say anything to the teacher. I did ask how they earned stickers but I didn’t like her response. She said, “well, it’s just kinda when I notice them doing something good…like sitting in circle time or something like that.” And that just bothered me. I mean, that’s great for kids who always do the right thing… they are bound to get caught. But what about the kids who struggle more? What about the kids whose “something right” looks a little different than the norm? So maybe participation in a group activity isn’t what you’d expect, but shouldn’t he get a sticker for doing something that is progress for him? For not distracting others?

Sigh.

Carter did say something about losing stickers – when asked, he told me that you get stickers taken away if you do something that not’s good. I need to ask the teacher about this because I hope that isn’t really happening. I mean, I get that there need to be consequences but if you earn a sticker for doing something good, making a bad choice shouldn’t be able to undo that previous good choice, should it?

We used a reward system with him for a while where he got “goody balls” (marbles, etc) when he did good in school or was nice to his friends, etc…. Some days he wouldn’t get any but under no circumstance would we take them away. I just don’t want to send the message that when he has bad behavior it “undoes” some of his good behavior.

I don’t know.

Sigh. Stickers.

In all of my life I never thought stickers would ever touch my heart.

"Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (Rock of Help), saying, This marks the place where GOD helped us."

1 Samuel 7:12 The Message

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