My Ebenezer

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Who is this person looking back at me in the mirror? I certainly don’t recognize the motivated, disciplined and committed chic who is hitting the gym twice a day!!!! My new routine consists of 30 min of cardio in the morning, 30 min of strength in the morning and an hour of cardio in the evening. Holy Cow.

I have a trainer now and I’ll be meeting with her once a week. In other words, I am paying someone to beat the crap out of me once a week. In order to prove to her that once a week is enough, I have to do it all throughout the week so that when I get back to her she will see improvement. She tried to talk me into twice a week but I told her if I couldn’t manage to do it on my own for a whole week then I should just give up now.

Prepare for posts on proper gym attire and why you shouldn’t wear a bikini top to work out.

Claudia accused me of being out of control on this whole exercising thing. Maybe she’s right, but I guess if I’m going to be out of control on anything, exercise is the best thing, right? Besides, I’m sure the newness will wear off soon so I have to take advantage while I can.

At the gym by 6am this morning and spent 1 hr 45 min working out. Came home, finished getting kids ready for school and then WALKED them to school. 20 minutes each way, power walking. Poor Carter had to ride his bike since I forgot Mathew’s Bjorn in the other vehicle. (only room for two in the jogging stroller) He burned quite a bit of energy this morning before school and maybe that will help him be calmer?

I have nothing exciting or even interesting to report these days. we bought a cage for Mathew and that has made life at home MUCH easier. Relax. It’s just a giant playpen type thing that is very portable and can be used as gates or a pen, etc… He’s got plenty of room to crawl around but we can keep the little stuff out of there. And he just loves to pull up on it.

In a poll of about 2600 Americans, which I realize isn’t many, Jesus Christ was listed second to Obama as a hero.

Are you freakin’ kidding me?

Second day in a row, at the gym a little before 5am and even posting again. I’m really on a roll, aren’t I?

If only I had something profound to say. Something inspiring.

Carter farted in a box. SO much for inspiring. We got a new dishwasher and last night Carter and I were in the box, rolling over backwards, etc… We were both laughing and having a great time until I smelled something rank. The box was upright and I was stuck – no way to get out without rolling over and Daddyo thought it was funny to make me stay.

Lesson: Never climb in a box with a farting four year old.

I’m very disappointed in my lack of posts lately. Not because I know you all are just waiting on pins and needles to read about my life but because I really do want to write a book one day. And I really will use part of what is captured here to help with that. Granted, not much I’ve written lately is what I’d call “book worthy” but still…. I like to have the “family record” so to speak.

Everyone, especially moms, have days when it just seems like there isn’t enough of her to go around. If only I could clone myself and do four things at one time instead of just 2. Any mom will understand the feeling of just not having anything left to give. Just when I get to that point, one of my children will say or do something so incredibly sweet that I suddenly find there is more of me to give.

That ‘more’ only comes for me when there is less of me. More of God, less of me. I find that when I simply get out of the way and depend on Him for every single thing in my day, there is more than enough of me to go around. Actually, it’s that there is enough of Him to make more of me. Or should I say that because there is less of me, the ‘moreness’ of Him is what is actually available to my kids. At the end of the day, that’s what I want for them. I want them to learn the depth of Christ’s love us and I know I am responsible for making that happen. Daddyo is amazing and has his part to play, as do extended family members, teachers, etc…. But at the end of the day, I am the one accountable for their relationship with Christ. At least I am accountable for what they learn about having a relationship with Christ. What they learn will be what they see me model. Wow. I need to really work on making less and less and less of me.

On a not so totally different topic, there is physically less of me these days. To date, I have lost 39 pounds. WOO HOO! While I’ve put in the time and effort, He has provided the power and the will to continue. I’ve been trying to get up at 5am to walk or workout all week with no success. Finally, this morning…. I was at the gym at 5am. You read that correctly, I WAS AT THE GYM AT 5AM! Those of you who know me IRL know that only God could accomplish that in me.

Parenting a child with ADHD is a special challenge. It’s not something you can touch, like a broken arm or leg; it’s not something you can clearly see like a rash. It’s an invisible enemy with symptoms that range from being fidgety to drug addiction. (and i’m not talking about the prescription kind of drugs)

Interesting to me is the vast difference between the symptoms of childhood ADHD and adult ADHD (consider that there are different types, with hyper without hyper, impulsive, etc..):

Children:
hyperactivity or underactivity
dyslexia learning disorder
excessive talking
difficulty sustaining attention
difficulty organizing tasks
Impusleivity – hitting, pushing people out of the way
aggression
easily frustrated
problems with self-esteem
trouble making/keeping friends
blurts out answers regularly
difficulty waiting turn
runs/climbs excessively in situations where it is inappropriate

In addition, there are many other diagnosis that have almost the exact symptoms of ADHD in children. A few are: depression, bi-polar disorder, sensory integration disorder, etc…

As I look the list over, the symptoms in an adult aren’t incredibly different, I guess they just surface in a different way. And for adults, it has to be explained in more detail. Saying “impulsive” isn’t enough for adults, but asking more specific questions. In fact, I think most of the items listed below would fall in one of the categories listed about for children. Because adults are “evaluating” themselves rather than a child who potentially has the disorder, it’s easier to write it off and think you really aren’t all that impulsive. I don’t know. I think it is very interesting. Look the list over and see if any of it applies to you. If you find yourself answering ‘yes’ often, give that some additional consideration.

Adults:
unorganized – messy/cluttered office/house/car/etc…
stacks of papers/books/magazines – just piles in general that tend to get moved from one pile to another
family history of drug or alcohol abuse
moody
has trouble getting started on things
considered an unerachiever
drums fingers/taps foot regularly
has to reread the page of a novel several times because mind has wandered off
hard time relaxing
excessively impatient
undertakes too many projects at one time
impulsive – in spending, eating, etc…
easily distracted
sometimes has power of concentration or hyperfocus
gets excited about a new project but doesn’t follow through
memory issues – go from one room to the next and forget what you went after
change radio/tv station frequently
feels driven by an engine
may have been called (as a kid or adult) lazy, daydreamer, impulsive, disruptive
hate waiting in line
incapable of reading the directions first
difficulty controlling the urge to blurt out the wrong thing
likes to gamble
wants to explode when someone has trouble getting to the point
hyperactive as a child
intuitive
drawn to situations of high intensity
chronically resolving to organize yourself but continually lives on the edge of chaos?
an “itch” you can’t scratch, longs for something more
addictive personality
grow up in a boundariless family
dyslexia
hard time tolerating frustration
worries too much
handles money erratically
gung-ho, go for it kind of person
structure and routine are rare in your life but you find it soothing when you find them
struggle with self-esteem
change jobs a lot
eager to try something new
feel you fail to live up to your potential
approaches problems intuitively
when lost, you try to “feel” your way along rather than refer to a map
more effective when you are your own boss
smarter than you are able to demonstrate
trouble keeping secrets
loves to travel
claustrophobic
wonder if you’re crazy
laughs a lot
had trouble paying attention long enough to read this list!

Again, each of these is perfectly normal on its own or even combined with a few others. But when you find yourself relating to many, maybe even most, of these “symptoms” then maybe it is something more. Maybe you are just plain nuts. ha ha ha

And for those of you who know me in real life, I have one thing to say to you, “oh, just shut up!”

So it’s 6:50am and I have already done 30 minutes of cardio. After I drop the kids at school, I’ll do 30 minutes of free weights. That’s right. I’m back and I’m better than ever!

There isn’t too much exciting going on around here… still no word on when finalization will happen. I’m actually tracking the case worker down to get Mathew’s SSN so we can finish our taxes. I’m ready to get those filed and get our money back! Woot!

Carter came home from school last week and on the way home said, “mom! stop! Stop! I saw a guilt sign!” ??? WHAT? “you know mom, a GUILT sign!” I asked if he meant a stop sign and he said, “No! A guilt sign!” So I asked him what Guilt means and this was his answer, “it means slow down!” ??? huh? I never did figure out what he was talking about and then it only got more confusing:

Carter: mom, we can’t walk on the grass
Me: okay. Why not?
Carter: Because Thou shall not want!
Me: hmmmmm
Carter: The birds eat the grass so we can’t walk on it
Me: Because the Bible says “Thou shall not want?”
Carter: yes
Me: what does “Thou shall not want” mean?
Carter: it means don’t walk on the grass

So I’m glad he’s learning stuff in school and I hope these lessons are reenforced so he can better organize the facts. I found out from his teacher that they did a science lesson on birds eating grass and their bible verse was “Thou shall not want”.

I know it is completely age appropriate for kids to mix these things up, but it is also a perfect example of how the ADHD brain sometimes works. All the facts are there but they get all jumbled up inside his little head. I get so tired of people saying, “oh, that’s normal for his age…. all kids do that.” While I agree that is true, and every kid in that class might have done the same thing, it is still a good example of what can happen inside a brain with ADHD. It’s not that one thing that makes it clear he has ADHD… it is that combined with several other symptoms. Each of them alone, or even just a few together mean nothing. There are different degrees of ADHD, from barely noticeable to unable to function. Carter’s is obviously more than barely noticeable but we won’t fully know the extent of his ADHD until he gets to “real school”.

Another thing I hear a lot is, “well, maybe he’ll grow out of it.” A person doesn’t “grow out” of ADHD anymore than a person can “grow out” of having blue eyes. (ok, i know babies do but you know what I mean) In some cases, the effect ADHD has on a person lessens over time but rarely does it disappear completely.

Can you tell I’ve been doing lots of research?

So I know it is a bit past your 3rd birthday but better late than never, right?

In the last year, you have grown up so much; you are more little girl than toddler now and it is wonderful and sad at the same time. it all just goes by too quickly. About one million times per day you say, “DO IT MYSELF!” and then “I DID IT ALL MYSELF!” To say you are independent would be an understatement.

You are the sweetest little girl I know, always loving on me and anyone else. You are outgoing and friendly and have never met a stranger. When we are in the store or walking or anywhere there are other people, you always say hi and sometimes repeat yourself until they say hi back. You are social and love your friends and teachers at school. Almost every night when you pray you say, “Dear Gawd, thank you for my friends at school and thank you for making me better. In name I pray, AAAAAAAAAmen!”

You are affectionate and will come sit in my lap and tell me you just need some lovin’ time. Whenever I (or anyone else) does something nice for you, you like to say, “you so sweet” and all hearts melt instantly. I love how sweet and compassionate you are but sometimes it can create problems. Like when you want to share your peanut butter with Mathew, even though he is only 7 months old! Or when you try to give him bites of your cereal.

You are adorable to watch and play with you constantly have me laughing. I’m not sure where you picked it up, but another thing you think is hilarious is bending over and telling people, “look at my butt!” I’m going to blame Daddy for that one.

You’re smart, beautiful, kind and funny and I love you just the way you are. I can not believe you are three years old – it doesn’t seem possible that so much time has gone by since we brought you home from the hospital weighing only 5lbs! You were potty trained just before you turned three and have very few accidents now. You also gave up your pappy just before turning three. (probably because we told you that you couldn’t turn three if you still slept with it!)

I love you more than I ever thought possible.

Mommy

"Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (Rock of Help), saying, This marks the place where GOD helped us."

1 Samuel 7:12 The Message

Adoption

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