My Ebenezer

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Dear Mathew,

You are at such a fun age! I love the way you crack up laughing and look at me like I’m supposed to laugh at you. While your independence is adorable, I really wish you’d stop reaching for things to help pull yourself out of your walker. It is a huge inconvenience when I cannot keep you in it. While I’m making requests, I’ll also appreciate a little more “stillness”. Trying to jump out of my arms because you want on the floor so badly is just not safe.

You are so dang cute! Yesterday in the playroom you came over to me and crawled through my arms and legs. (I was on all fours) As soon as you made it safely to the other side, you came back over to me and leaned your head on my back and cooed. you stayed there for several seconds and came back twice more to do it again. Loving on mommy will pretty much get you whatever want! It’s also adorable when you crawl over to me when i’m on the floor and rub your head against mine. I’ll take your sweet lovin’ any way I can get it.

Finally, I love that you almost always follow directions when I tell you ‘no’. Daddy doesn’t think it is quite so funny that he has to have me tell you ‘no’ when you use your walker to get to the DVD player and TV, trying to reach wires. When I tell you ‘no’ you move away and grin but when Daddy says ‘no’ you just laugh and go for it! I am enjoying these moments because I know they will be short lived.

Dear Gracey,

You are so funny I can hardly stand it. It amazes me how you engage people everywhere – you get them to talk to you and tell you how cute your are. Strangers everywhere will stop and talk to you becauseдивани you demand it with your sweet smiles and greetings.

I only have one request: STOP WHINING!

Dear Carter,

I am amazed at your ability to read and sound out words you see everywhere. You are so smart and have an incredible imagination. the past couple of months have been wonderful at school and everything seems to have balanced out with your meds and behavior….something I am eternally grateful for.

You will get to attend a few different ‘camps’ this summer and one VBS. You’re already excited about ‘Space Camp’ though I’m not it will meet your expectations as it is not an actual ‘Space Camp’.

I thought we were past the ‘getting into everything’ stage and would like this behavior to stop. Really, drawing on the hardwood floors with a red marker is just not cool. Especially when it is impossible to get it all off the floor. At least you did it in a inconspicuous spot – RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DEN FLOOR!!!!

While I’m making requests, I’d also greatly appreciate it if you would NOT spray the water hose into the house. I know it is fun for you but it is not fun for me.

Bri and I have been out TWICE in one week without the kids. Saturday night he took me to dinner and then dancing and we had a BLAST! We used to dance a lot when were first dating and it slowly dwindled over the years. But I think we’ve rediscovered something we both enjoy and will do it more often. It’s even more fun than it was before because we get there so early it’s practically empty (except for the other old people like us) and not so smokey. And even better, I could care less what people watching us think – so we do a lot of stopping when i screw up because that happens regularly!

Last night we went to watch the Astros play and it was another nice evening. I’m not crazy about baseball but it’s something other than a movie which is a nice change!

Well, yesterday Mathew took his first steps. That is, unless my mother lied to me and he actually took those steps when she was keeping him the other day. Which is entirely possible. It was adorable the way his whole face lit up and he was just soooo proud of himself. Only two steps after that and so far no more. I”m not encouraging it because my world will be turned upside down when he starts really walking. He is SOOOOOO fast. If you’ve been around from the beginning you will appreciate that the title ‘Carter’ has been officially passed down to Mathew.

He’ll soon turn 1 and I am continually astonished at how quickly time goes by. The moments we have with our children are so precious and so few and pass in an instant. I try to remind myself of that as the end of school is approaching (3 more days).

Carter and Gracey are the best of friends and enjoy playing with one another constantly. As Carter continues to mature he is sweeter and sweeter with Gracey, trying to keep her from getting in trouble (when he’s not encouraging her to get in trouble, anyway). He is very tender hearted and almost always asks me to give her a second chance when she has to go to time out.

And Praise God Gracey has been behaving more and more like my sweet little princess. I hope this is a trend that will continue! She still has a bad case of the whines but I supposed that it typical for a little girl – I can deal with the whining since she has been doing such a good job listening and following directions.

Life is good.

>mach zehnder modulatorve been buying a few clothes off the rack without trying them on and been able to wear them AND like them. Fun times. But yesterday I ha FUN shopping for a bathing suit. I didn’t try them on (just bought two) and only had to exchange one top….. And only because I needed a smaller size. Before you hate me understand that we have a pool and at least one of the suits is ONLY for my backyard. The one that is a two piece and everyone who knows me in real life is gagging right now! but it looks good enough for my backyard when we have no company and if someone stops by I’ll have to stand up very straight, suck in until I can’t breathe and not move an inch…. And I’ll look halfway decent. Or at least look decent enough to keep everyone’s food down. Ha ha ha

My goal is to not die of embarrassment if someone stops by when I’m swimming in my two piece…. By the end of the summer. I may just be able to pull it off if I can keep up the workouts.

I am down 66 pounds and can hardly believe it. Go me!

Although he did say ‘Mama’ yesterday, it wasn’t really a formal recognition……but this morning he said ‘Ba Ba’ while he was making the sign for bottle. He’s made the sign before made times when he wanted a bottle but never with the words. So his official first word is ‘Ba Ba’. Not Mama.

I’d forgotten how much I enjoy what I do. I work from home and teach a few classes online; I do a fair amount of consulting work via the internet and get my grown up time that way. Working a conference like this is different – I really get my “professional groove on” if you know what I mean. Selling our services and drawing people in to gain their interest…. I love it. I get a rush out of it.

I’m goofy by nature and I think it helps in a situation like this – people respond to goofy. Except when they don’t. Then it’s just embarrassing. But mostly I do okay engaging strangers.

I’m glad I don’t get too embarrassed too easily. For example, last night when I went to grab the elevator there were three men waiting as well. Dressed in suits, all professional and everything. They were gentlemen and stepped back so I could enter the elevator first and I was quite the lady by TRIPPING AND ALMOST EATING THE FLOOR! Seriously. I guess my shoe caught in the tiny space between the floor and the elevator and I almost ate it. it wasn’t a slight mis-step that could easily be overlooked with a smile. It was a big thunk and me catching myself on the wall. All three of the men immediately gasped (and I’m sure used all their self control to not laugh). I laughed. I looked at them and said something like, “well, guys, I just thought I’d entertain you a bit at the end of a long a day.” They smiled politely but didn’t laugh. Instead of shutting my mouth and letting it go, I continued with “Guess I shouldn’t have had that last drink.” (I hadn’t had even one). Still….nothing but polite smiles and looks of pity. Again, Cindy…. shut up and wait for your floor. But no. They weren’t laughing and I really needed them to laugh. One last attempt by saying, “you can tell I’m used to falling when it doesn’t even phase me anymore.” N.O.T.H.I.N.G. The more I talked the more I felt like an idiot. If only they would have laughed.

What a friggin’ idiot. I almost think my continuous (and feeble) attempts at getting them to laugh with me are funnier than the tripping. Why couldn’t I just leave it alone? Why was I obsessed with saying stupid things to get them to laugh, as if that would excuse the tripping in the first place.

Oh well, at least I didn’t split my pants.

I remember a time when I loved to shop and buy new clothes – it was many, many, many years ago. Buying clothes became a chore and one that I detested. It was so hard to find something I liked and something that was at least a little flattering.

63 pounds later shopping is a whole new sport. I can’t tell you how much fun I’ve had trying on and buying new clothes. After dropping the first size, I enjoyed buying a few items but didn’t go overboard….. not really, anyway. The next time I went shopping (the first time I was looking for business clothes for this trip) I was shocked to realize I had lost another size. Not in a “i can squeeze into this next size” sort of way but I really fit that size. It was a perfect fit. I even tried one size smaller and was thrilled that I could zip the pants! Woo HOOO!!!! LOL I didn’t buy anything that night but I did buy a couple of shorts in that size. And that’s it. I almost completely skipped a size – can you believe that?

I went shopping with my mom and although that next size was a little snug, it didn’t make sense to buy it larger when I wouldn’t be able to wear it very long. I am proud to say that the snugness has worn off (on most brands) and in pants and shorts I comfortably fit 3 sizes smaller than when I started this whole diet/exercise thing. The thing that sucks is trying on tops is not as fun because although the “girls” have shrunk considerably, they are still too big. In most brands, I wear a whole size larger in tops because of my stinkin’ b@@bs. Some of you may envy that but trust me, it sucks. I’d be happy to share with you.

I’m shocked and elated to see my progress and also to know that I haven’t reached the end. I will drop at least one more size before I reach my goal and possibly two. I just have no idea – I can’t fathom anything smaller than what I’m wearing now. I know this is the size I was when I was in college – end of freshman year. My mom kept my prom dress and brought it over for me to try on – still have a ways to go before i can get that darn thing zipped. It’s fun to see the progress and I’d forgotten how different life can be when I’m not looking at the world through plus-sized eyes.

More on that later. Battery is dying and I still need to amuse myself for another hour and a half before arriving in Toronto. Sigh.

I guess it takes me getting on an airplane to finally post again. It’s absolutely pathetic how lazy I’ve gotten and I hope to remedy that soon.

Mathew’s adoption was finalized on May 29, 2009. I’d like to say it was uneventful but poor little Gracey threw up for most of the day. She started just outside the courthouse by puking all over Grammy’s shirt. We had to wait about an hour or so before we stood before the Judge and poor thing must have tossed her cookies ten times. Add to that the fact that this county had just closed ALL SCHOOLS for two weeks because there were two confirmed cases of swine flu. I’m sure the other people in the waiting area were terrified of us.

Standing in front of the Judge took all of 5 minutes and then we were out the door and headed home. Legally a forever family. I don’t mean to sound so apathetic about the whole thing its just that it was incredibly anti-climatic. I knew in the beginning, when we first learned of his conception, that God meant for Mathew to be ours. Along the way I had my doubts and towards the end I had all but given up. Once I got the call that we could go and pick him up I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would be ours forever. That was the celebration – the rest was just formality.

I haven’t yet sent out announcements or started planning for the party because we are going to celebrate on his birthday. Sometime between now and then we’ll have him baptized and then just have one huge party celebrating his rebirth in Christ (or at least our commitment to raising him in such a way that he will choose that rebirth for himself one day), his rebirth into our “legal” family and the celebration of his physical birthday. I see a huge BBQ in our very near future.

"Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (Rock of Help), saying, This marks the place where GOD helped us."

1 Samuel 7:12 The Message

Adoption

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