My Ebenezer

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seriously, it’s going to take a bit for me to get everything in order around here. But I Hope you’ll enjoy watching the progress!

Since my kids go back to preschool next week I thought it was time to finish my “back to school” shopping and get Mathew a nap mat, etc… I’m really glad I went today because the sales are AMAZING! I bought Gracey a pair of really cute jeans AND shorts and when I checked out I paid SIX dollars and change.

Unfortunately those two items and a pair of shoes for Mathew are the only shopping I did for the kids – but I totally racked up. Such good deals I just couldn’t walk past them without picking up something here and something there. Sadly, I didn’t even buy anything exciting, at least not what most people would consider exciting. I bought several pajama tops and bottoms. I am a pajama FREAK. I just love them.

I don’t like to be rude but sometimes I just can’t help it. The lady checking out in front of me asked the sales clerk how long the 40% off sale was going to last. The clerk’s response? “I don’t know…. until it is over” DUH DUH DUH… I mean, REALLY? That is your answer? I couldn’t help it, I LOLed. (that was for you, Claudia) I got the giggles and couldn’t control myself – the other customer and I exchanged looks and I really thought I would pee my pants. Almost funnier than her response was the clerk’s attitude when we were laughing. She looked down her nose at us like WE were the STUPID ones. That just made me laugh more.

So I’m sorry, sales clerk lady whoever you are, I did not mean to be rude by laughing in your face at your stupidity. I should have kept my composure and laughed at a more appropriate time but “until it’s over”… really?

A friend I’ve known a few years (through blogging and email) and her husband just published their first book about adopting through Foster Care and parenting special needs kids. Claudia and Bart Fletcher have adopted 12 kids (older kids) and some of them have now transitioned into adulthood.

One of the most important things about adopting an older child is understanding that parenting these kids is a commitment that may not always include a love that is visibly returned. Her writing is incredibly honest and straightforward and gives great insight into what adoptive parents are walking into when adopting children that are older and have special needs. Claudia even points out that while many people consider these issues to be problematic with older children, it is also a big concern with kids who are adopted as babies/toddlers. Because of early environment (drug/alcohol exposure, etc) some children will have lifelong issues regardless of the age they were when adopted.

The Fletchers’ story is not necessarily one that would make all potential adoptive parents view foster care as a viable option but I think it does something even more important. It sheds light on what can be the reality of adopting these kids and gives adoptive parents the information they need up front to make a decision about what they can really commit themselves to. Their experience is touching and genuine and they openly share all the ups and downs – they deal with everything from ADHD/FAS/RAD to teenage pregnancy. And they do it with such grace and love that you can’t help but love them. They have just published a book that is the best resource for pre-adoptive (and adoptive) parents I’ve ever seen. Check out Claudia’s blog and go read an excerpt from the book – whether you’re an adoptive parent, a parent dealing with emotional/mental disorders of your children, or just parents period, ‘Out of Many, One Family How two adults claimed twelve children through adoption’ is a book you won’t be able to put down.

It’s optional, but recommended, to anyone but to pre-adoptive or adoptive parents it is a “must read”. So go check it out. Read the preface below:

It’s April 2008 and my husband Bart and I have just finished dinner with eight of our twelve children. The occasion: the legal finalization of our last adoption, which will bring our family size to fourteen.

As we look down the long, crowded table of mostly teenagers, we are reminded of the journey that began nearly twelve years ago. We also remember a more recent journey, in which we spent two weeks in Great Britain and where this book had its genesis.

We were tourists, gazing at historical sites, taking pictures, trying new foods, learning about bus schedules, weather patterns, non-American washing machines and energy converters. We saw much of what we wanted to see and then we went home, likely never to return. We still have vivid memories of those two weeks, but much of what we acquired was information only, useful if we were to meet others heading to the same place.

Our journey as adoptive parents, however, differs from our trip to Great Britain. Our children have come to us emotionally damaged — angry, sad, lost — but not broken. The road we travel together is both hard and meaningful. Like any travelers experiencing a new geography, we have discovered potholes, unexpected turns, steep inclines, terrifying descents and, every so often, a mountain vista that takes the breath away.

Through this ever-expanding adventure we continue to reflect and learn, and because what we have learned might help you, we are compelled to share our story. For though we will not pass this way again, life might lead you down a similar path. Our hope is that these shared experiences will lighten the load and make life a little easier for all of us. And most importantly, for the children we love.

On this journey we are not tourists. We are already home.

There is nothing like crawling out of bed at 4:30 or 5:00am and dragging myself to the bathroom where I clumsily get dressed. I stagger to the kitchen and strap on my Ipod as I head stumble out the door for my morning run or workout. I hate myself for about the first 3 minutes and wonder why in the world I ever thought I could run. Why did I sign up for the marathon? What possesed me to think I could run 13.1 miles when I’m having a hard time running to the end of the block? And then something amazing happens. I wake up. I wake up and imagine myself crossing the finish line of that marathon and in my mind it’s just like it is in the movies – arms stretched up high with tears running down my face as I race through the finish line and the crowd goes wild… Just a glimpse of what that will feel like (minus the movie finish) inspires me to push forward.

It also helps that about the same time my playlist reminds me that I am “Too Legit To Quit” thanks to MC Hammer. I don’t know what it is about that song but it really gets me going. The lyrics encourage me to think “I CAN do this.. I CAN run and I will NOT quit… because I’m just too legit!”

It’s funny what we find to inspire us to keep putting one foot in front of the other when we don’t feel like it’s possible to take one more step. Whether it is plain old exhaustion or a major conflict within us, we can always find hope and inspiration if we look up. I just don’t know how people who don’t have a relationship with Jesus Christ find that courage or strength – I can’t imagine not having a spiritual “MC Hammer” reminding me that I am too Legit to Quit. God always comes through for me by sending a friend with a sensitive heart (thanks, girl) and open ears; He speaks to me through song (and I’m not actually talking about MC here); He also speaks directly to my heart through prayer and scripture. If I haven’t lost all of my long time readers because of my delinquency, you’ve heard me quote Jeremiah 29:11 many times over. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.’”

I’m always inspired and encouraged when I think of all God has done for me. It doesn’t seem like it was all that long ago when we were battling infertility and really couldn’t fathom having not one or two, but three sets of feet pitter-pattering through house. Well, Mathew is the only one who pitters and patters, Carter and Gracey stomp and pound as they run through the house screaming.

So where do you find your inspiration? I’d really like to know if there are more than 3 of you still reading? Perhaps you could leave a comment so I’ll have some inspiration to write more? Please?

Today has been completely unproductive, lazy and WONDERFUL. Kids are playing nicely, Mathew is entertaining himself with the toys and I’m goofing around on the computer. I’m not even thinking too much about skipping my workout this morning – maybe I’ll go for a run this evening and maybe I’ll just continue with my laziness. I vote for the second option.

I guess this is why I don’t blog much anymore… I have nothing to say. Nothing to report. Nothing to inspire. There’s no drama, no mystery, no intrigue. Instead, I’ll bore you with the little things like deciding whether or not to Mathew in Mother’s Day Out.

Carter will go to school Mon, Tues and Wed and Gracey will go Tues and Wed. Mathew’s class is also Tues and Wed which means I’d have two days a week with no kids – at least for a few hours. It’s only 10 hours a week but I feel really guilty putthing him in. He’s only 15months old and really doesn’t need the school setting. It would all be for my benefit. Granted, it would give me two days a week for work but work has been pretty slow lately. So it would give me two days a week for getting other stuff done – who knows, maybe I’ll start writing more?

I think we’ve decided to put him in and we can always take him out if work gets any slower. And I keep telling myself that I can keep him home whenever I want to just to have some time to play. And I’ll be able to do the same with Gracey if I need some one on one time with her. Ack. What will I do with two days a week with no kids?

One of my favorite things is to listen to Gracey Grace pray before she goes to sleep. Or anytime, for that matter. She says whatever is on her mind and doesn’t hesitate to ask for anything. These are some of her recent prayers:

“Dear Gawd, but I don’t have any new fingernail polish. Your name I pray, AAAAAAMEN”
“Dear Gawd, mommy said I couldn’t have a snack now. Your name AAAAAAmen!”
“Dear Gawd, but I have a bo-bo on my leg. Thank you for making it better tomorrow. Aaaamen!”
“Dear Gawd, can I just have some new makeup? Your name I pray, AAA MEN”
“Dear Gawd, I just had a great day today. Amen.”
“Dear Gawd, today I went swimming and and and I want some new fingernail polish. please. Your name i pway, Aaaa MEN”

And the list goes on. I love how she doesn’t hold back – she doesn’t know that holding back is even an option. She wants fingernail polish, she asks for it. She has a “bo-bo” she just thanks God for making it better. She doesn’t ask Him to make it better, she just thanks Him. She just expects…. which is how I think we are supposed to pray. Praying believing you already have what you have just asked for.

Gracey is just a kid and is praying a kid’s prayer but I wish my prayers were more like hers. Simple and to the point and filled with faith.

In other news….

I am officially registered for the marathon and I am looking for a running coach. How freakin’ crazy am I?

Life is a marathon most days so i should be prepared already! These days we are busy being busy and spend a lot of time laughing at Mathew. He is such a climber and loves to stand on his little ride on toy and then laugh when you tell him to sit down. He’ll usually act like he’s going to sit and then laugh and stand right back up. Other than the climbing, he actually listens pretty well for a 1 year old.

Remeber this?

I’ve almost decided to do it again in January. ONly this time I’ll be running, not walking, the 13.1 miles to the finish line. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate my weight loss and raise money for a great cause at the same time. Since I didn’t register earlier, I’ll have to do “fundraising for registration” which means I”m on the hook for about $500 – whether I raise that much or not! Surely I can do that, though. I mean, surely I know 20 people who would be willing to donate $25? We’ll see.

I really want to race. I really, really, really want to. Well, not race but I want to run. I’ve started running – okay, so in the last week I”ve run 3 times but that counts – and I the last time I went I ran 2 miles without stopping or walking. It took me 22 minutes but that’s not bad for a beginner, is it? As long as I keep it up I should be able to do 13 miles by January… or at least be able to jog most of it, right?

Oh, why am I asking you? You aren’t even reading anymore since I neglected this place for so long.

I miss you, blog world.

There are days when the theme in my house is survival. You moms know what I mean by that. Forget about trying to teach the children anything or even get them to pick up after themselves. The TV is set to NOGGIN or their favorite DVD is turned on and you spend the rest of the day surviving motherhood (or fatherhood). The dishes may sit in the sink and clothes may be strewn all over the house. Rather than interacting with your kids you simply do whatever you have to so they will be entertained and leave you alone. If you have never had one of these “survival mode” days, you are either kidding yourself, flat out lying or you don’t have kids.

It’s easy to get stuck in survival mode if I’m not careful to be more intentional about parenting just day to day living in general. I used to spend significant time in “survival land” and that isn’t easy for me to admit. The mom I always dreamed I’d be was nowhere in sight and was replaced with the reality version. The reality version kinda sucked. (at least compared to the dream) I still have those days but they are the exception rather than the rule.

I know a big part of that change is due to weight loss – no, not the weight loss but my overall fitness. My energy level has quadrupled (as long as I keep up with cardio) and it’s so much easier to get motivated to do more with the kids. It’s interesting to me that I enjoy being a mommy a lot more with three kids. That sounds crazy, doesn’t it? I think Mathew forces me to follow a routine – he needs his naps and snacks at regular intervals and we plan around that for the most part. It helps the rest of the day flow easier.

This summer has been so much fun and such a bonding time for all of us. Last year, I couldn’t wait for school to start and this year I’m not looking forward to it. (insert eye roll from many moms of small children who are disgusted with me right now) I’ve enjoyed having the kids home and will miss them when they go back to school. I know once it gets started I will wonder how I ever did anything with them home every day and on the days they are home I’ll probably wish for the school week to begin again.

Anyway, I’m straying for my main point here which is a reminder to myself to live intentionally. I cannot always count on spontaneous opportunities to play and be silly….I need to carve time out of every day for that. It’s too easy to get caught up in household chores and work and neglect the more important things like simply playing with the kids. I want to spend as much time as possible just being with them and doing things they enjoy – relationship building at this age is crucial, isn’t it? I’m not crazy about playing monster trucks/rescue heroes/beauty shop/dress up/etc but I want my kids to know that I enjoy being with them. More importanatly, I want them to know that they are fun to be around. At this age, it isn’t about quality it’s about quantity. And time is the most precious gift I can give them.

The other day we were playing on the floor in the playroom and having a ball when the phone rang. Carter said, “awww man we were playing fun!” He knew the sound of the phone could be the end of playtime with mommy. Ouch. I let it ring and I’m vowing to do that more often. Just because it’s ringing doesn’t mean I have to answer it. How annoying is it when you are having a conversation with someone only to be interrupted by their cell phone? And how rude is it when they stop to answer it, sometimes without even an “excuse me a minute”? It’s like saying, “hey, let me make sure this person doesn’t have something more interesting to say than you.” ha ha ha There are obvious exceptions to this but seriously, can’t anyone every “unplug” long enough for a conversation during a 30 minute car ride?

So if you call my house and I happen to not answer and then you call my cell phone and I still do not answer, don’t take it personally. I just may be making a necklace out of macaroni with someone more important.

It seems every minute I am not playing with/feeding/cleaning up after/disciplining/etc… I am either doing laundry or working out. Or at least thinking about working out. Mostly I’m doing laundry. My trainer asked me to write a paragraph about my experience and how using a personal trainer helped me – this will be posted on a board along with a “Before” and “After” photo. I’m excited about what I’ve accomplished and am eager to share it but I’m also a little embarrassed to have my mug up on a board. Especially since I forgot to ask a few pertinent questions like, “How big will this photo be?” and “how long will it stay up?” and “what do I have to wear in the photo?” That last one was a big factor.

After I agreed (which was mainly to help promote my trainer because I think she’s awesome) to do it, she told me to be sure my ‘after’ photo was “fitness-looking” and showed me a few examples. The examples included people working out at the gym or next to a bicycle.. etc… In other words, my favorite photo from Vegas wasn’t going to cut it – they wanted me to show some spandex.

Now, before you all start judging my spandex wearing behind let me explain. I sweat like a fat man. Anything other than this “spandexy” type material shows that sweat in all the WRONG plays. I usually spend an hour on the bike before I go to the weights or step master – the step master includes side leg lifts and NOBODY wants to witness that after an hour of cardio in regular workout pants. G.R.O.S.S. Let’s just say I am nasty and leave it at that.

Some of you may wonder why I don’t opt for pants/shirts that are looser fitting that would have as much of an issue. Did I mention I sweat like a HUGE MAN? I’ve tried everything and that which does not fit tightly rides up, that which does not ride up shows nasty sweaty spots and that which neither rides nor shows sweaty spots is called Spandex. Technically i don’t think it is actually spandex but it may as well be. One thing I decided early on about going to the gym is that I’m way past embarrassment. I had to lose the inhibition, the stress of how stupid I looked working out, the uncomfortableness of looking gross in my workout clothes… I had to just let it go and focus on getting in shape. I’m totally okay with my Spandex as long as I’m around people who don’t know me.

That being said, here is ‘Before’ (December 2008) and ‘After’ (July 2009)

"Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (Rock of Help), saying, This marks the place where GOD helped us."

1 Samuel 7:12 The Message

Adoption

• Our adoption story from beginning to end

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