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Next week I go to court for Ava and Ethan and I’m currently working on my court report. How can I recommend to the court what is in the best interest of these children? I have so much information from people who obviously love the kids but most of it is unbelievably conflicting. Statements are made by the aunt that contradict things she has said earlier. And then I start to question if my memory serves me correctly or perhaps I misunderstood or “misheard” what she said before. But I feel so certain that I did not misunderstand.
Ava just turned 5 years old and from what I gather she has been passed around between 3-4 relatives for her entire life. It’s hard to sort through all of the lies. For example:
Father says: She lived with me only until she was 2 (when he went to jail for 2 years) at which time she stayed with the aunt. When I got out she lived with me again (Ava was 4) but my family would help out. The aunt might keep her for a week or so so I could work and she’d go spend weekends with the Godparents sometimes. Then my mother would also have her somtimes to help out. But she lived with me and was with me most of the time.
okay, so it sounds like he has a lot of support, right? But how often was Ava “staying” with someone else? Are we talking about once a month or every other week she was gone?
The aunt says: She lived with the Father until he was incarcerated at which time she moved around between me, the grandma and the Godparents. I might have her for a week or so and then Grandma might have her a week or so. We all kept her. We all had her. When she went to the Father I’d still keep her so he could work. Me: so you might have her for a few days here and there? the aunt: I’d pick her up for a week or so so he could work and she spent a lot of weekends with the Godparents. Grandma would also get her for a week or so. Me: so once the Father was released, Ava still pretty much moved around from home to home? The aunt: No, she lived with the Father.
okay, but it really sounds like she was still passed around on a regular basis. And what kind of work was the Father doing? There is no evidence of employment for many, many years.
The Godparents say: She has always lived with us. From when she was an infant until the time she went into care. She’s always been with us. Ask our family, our friends, the neighborhood. She calls the Godmother ‘mama’. She might spend the day with the Father so we could work but she slept her unless she was spending the weekend with the aunt or grandmother. Godfather: “I’ve never used drugs, I just sold them for a while” [in response to being asked about his criminal history]. The Godfather also talks about the horrible conditions the Father lived in and how when Ava was with him the aunt did not intervene even though she saw those awful conditions. Me: So when did Ava live with the Father? Godfather: oh, uh, well she has always lived with us but maybe she lived with him for a couple of weeks after he got out of jail but then he gave her back to us. Said it was best that way.
Keep in mind that Godmother already told me she would drop Ava off at the Father’s while she worked during the day. Godfather tells me about the awful conditions where he lived and was upset the Aunt did not intervene. If it was that awful (and I believe it was) then why in the world would they leave Ava there for a day? This makes no sense to me. And really, does being a drug dealer as opposed to a drug user make you a safer option for this young girl?
the Grandmother says: mostly she says the same as the aunt but she also states, “Ava really never had a home or one place where she lived. We all took care of Ava. She was always with the family. We took turns having her and taking care of her. A week here, a week there. Ava did live with the Father for the first 2 years and some after his release. But we all still helped out. The aunt would still pick her up or I would and she spent most weekends with the Godparents. Me: so maybe once a month or so she would go and stay for a week with one of you? Grandmother: oh no, at least 2 times a month, sometimes more. Me: so at least twice a month she would spend a week or so with a relative and stay most weekends with the Godparents. Grandmother: yes, that’s right. Me: but she LIVED with the father? Grandma: yes. right.
Is it just me or does it sound like Ava didn’t live anywhere? If there are 4 weeks in a month and two of those were spent elsewhere… and weekends were spent elsewhere…. does that mean she really lived with the father? Even in a 5 week month, it just doesn’t sound like she had any kind of permanency.
But does that mean the aunt shouldn’t have permanent custody? It may not be an ideal situation and I may think it is awful and damaging for her to not have a permanent home but my opinion doesn’t matter. I think that is one of the hardest things about all of this – the decision has to be made based on her safety, both physical and emotional. Just because I think it is awful for her to bounce around and not have a family want her full time doesn’t mean it isn’t in her best interest to remain with the family if they can keep her safe.
It’s certainly nice to know that although I make recommendations (with the support of my coordinator), I don’t actually make the decisions.
Sigh. For now I just hope we are given more time to wade through the information and make the best possible recommendation. All I can ask for in court is to be given that extra time and I know that will happen because of other things happening.