My Ebenezer

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свети минаПравославни икониSo I’ve officially gone “back to work”. For the last ten years I have worked as a contractor and it’s been great. Moving from project to project and usually working an average of 4-5 hours per week. I recently accepted a position to work part time in a virtual office. It’s the coolest thing – i work from home, we all communicate via email, phone and chat and I’ve never met anyone face to face. I will travel occasionally but most of my work can be done remotely, which is perfect. Not everyone can say they get to work in the their pajamas if they want to.

I love what I do but I’m not going to explain it. It would probably bore most of you to tears and I refuse to put you through that. The kids have adjusted to having someone here watching them 20-25 hours per week and they are fine with it. We hired a part time nanny (which is really just another name for a babysitter who drives your kids places) and she was great to have around….for a while. It was nice having someone to drive the kids to and from school on my work days and to and from camps this summer. But we had to say goodbye to Ms. T last week.

Women’s intuition is a powerful thing, in my opinion, and it is not something I ignore. My “mommy gut” started going off and while it is possible I was wrong, it wasn’t a chance I was willing to take. I don’t think she’d ever intentionally hurt the kids or put them in danger but I do feel strongly that she lied to me about where she and Matthew were going to go. And that is just NOT OKAY with me. Number 1, don’t lie to me. Number 2, NEVER lie about what you are doing with my child. and Number 3, DO NOT LIE TO ME!!!

I wasn’t able to catch her in a lie but I knew in my gut that she was lying. My best guess is that she was planning to take him with her back to her house and that is also not okay with me. Because I have never been to her house…because I don’t know the people she hangs out with…because I don’t know her 9 and 12 year old sons….because I don’t know her boyfriend, who works nights and is home during the day. Bottom line, when I say “don’t” with regard to my child it simply means “do not”. I know she didn’t end up going anywhere else but I’m pretty sure it is because I pressed her a bit about where they were going. She was taking him to McDonald’s to play and I confirmed with her which restaurant she’d be going to. She knew I was suspicious. Anyway, she was at the McDonald’s because I checked and God help her if she hadn’t have been there.

At the end of the day, if I felt it necessary to check up on her then she shouldn’t be watching my kids. Period.

Oh, and then there was the time she called Carter a liar. Granted, he was lying to her but still… you don’t call a 7 year old a liar. Oh, and then she lied to me about it. And I know she said it because Carter repeated it verbatim and it was definitely her wording. Anyway…. sigh. it’s hard to find people you can really trust to take care of your kids. I’m back to younger babysitters but i’m more comfortable with it.

Everyone makes mistakes and deserves second chances. But not with my kids.

The other day I was getting ready to take a bath. Wait. I have to give you a little background information.

Our bedroom door does not lock. (another 10 year project) Instead of locking it, we use a baby gate on the inside so if someone opens the door, they only get it open a few inches. BAsically, it buys us time to realize someone is going to come in. Not that we’d be doing anything …… nevermind.

So I’m getting ready to take bath and have already secured the “lock” on my door. Suddenly, I hear screaming and hollering, which is not unusual in my house but this time it was Big Daddy-O doing the yelling. He comes busting through the door and I think someone must be dying. And then I begin to understand what he is saying, “I’M ON THE INTERNET!!! IM ON THE INTERNET! I’M ON THE INTERNET!” huh?

We were watching Monster Truck Youtube clips on my Ipad with the kids and they kept it up after I left. Daddy-o was clicking on the links that show up on the side, you know… suggesting videos to watch. On in particular caught his eye; it should come as no surprise to anyone that it was called “Redneck Pride”.

It’s funny enough that he chose that one to watch, but it is freaking HYSTERICAL that HIS PICTURE was one of the pictures highlighted in the video. Seriously. No lie. I can only imagine the only way it got there was the owner/maker/whateverer googled “redneck” and came across my blog. Scary.

This video was just a series of photos and he was the 6th photo. So, not only does my husband have his picture in Redneck Pride, his picture is in the top ten. Now that’s what I call the REdneck Hall of Fame. Daddy-o was so incredibly proud and wanted me to post it on Facebook and email all our friends. He even wanted me to submit more pictures.

Sigh. I love that redneck of mine.

Has it really been a year and a half since I have written a post? Time flies, eh? So what could possibly pull me out of my extended hiatus? Are we moving? Nope, staying put. Adopting again? Nope, been there done that. Pregnant? I certainly hope not.
I should be embarrassed (I wonder how many times I’ve started a post that way) to admit this, but I’m not. It’s typical life in the Ebenezer household….the procrastinating, that is. Back in August of 2006 I wrote this post about the bed breaking. For those of you too lazy to click the link, the fact that I said I posted about THE BED BREAKING should really get your attention. Anyway, that was in AUGUST OF 2006 and a few months ago I needed one of those books. Then I got tired of sleeping with my feet slightly more elevated than my head so I asked Big Daddy to finally fix it. And he did. He put the book back.

матрациNext week I go to court for Ava and Ethan and I’m currently working on my court report. How can I recommend to the court what is in the best interest of these children? I have so much information from people who obviously love the kids but most of it is unbelievably conflicting. Statements are made by the aunt that contradict things she has said earlier. And then I start to question if my memory serves me correctly or perhaps I misunderstood or “misheard” what she said before. But I feel so certain that I did not misunderstand.

Ava just turned 5 years old and from what I gather she has been passed around between 3-4 relatives for her entire life. It’s hard to sort through all of the lies. For example:

Father says: She lived with me only until she was 2 (when he went to jail for 2 years) at which time she stayed with the aunt. When I got out she lived with me again (Ava was 4) but my family would help out. The aunt might keep her for a week or so so I could work and she’d go spend weekends with the Godparents sometimes. Then my mother would also have her somtimes to help out. But she lived with me and was with me most of the time.

okay, so it sounds like he has a lot of support, right? But how often was Ava “staying” with someone else? Are we talking about once a month or every other week she was gone?

The aunt says: She lived with the Father until he was incarcerated at which time she moved around between me, the grandma and the Godparents. I might have her for a week or so and then Grandma might have her a week or so. We all kept her. We all had her. When she went to the Father I’d still keep her so he could work. Me: so you might have her for a few days here and there? the aunt: I’d pick her up for a week or so so he could work and she spent a lot of weekends with the Godparents. Grandma would also get her for a week or so. Me: so once the Father was released, Ava still pretty much moved around from home to home? The aunt: No, she lived with the Father.

okay, but it really sounds like she was still passed around on a regular basis. And what kind of work was the Father doing? There is no evidence of employment for many, many years.

The Godparents say: She has always lived with us. From when she was an infant until the time she went into care. She’s always been with us. Ask our family, our friends, the neighborhood. She calls the Godmother ‘mama’. She might spend the day with the Father so we could work but she slept her unless she was spending the weekend with the aunt or grandmother. Godfather: “I’ve never used drugs, I just sold them for a while” [in response to being asked about his criminal history]. The Godfather also talks about the horrible conditions the Father lived in and how when Ava was with him the aunt did not intervene even though she saw those awful conditions. Me: So when did Ava live with the Father? Godfather: oh, uh, well she has always lived with us but maybe she lived with him for a couple of weeks after he got out of jail but then he gave her back to us. Said it was best that way.

Keep in mind that Godmother already told me she would drop Ava off at the Father’s while she worked during the day. Godfather tells me about the awful conditions where he lived and was upset the Aunt did not intervene. If it was that awful (and I believe it was) then why in the world would they leave Ava there for a day? This makes no sense to me. And really, does being a drug dealer as opposed to a drug user make you a safer option for this young girl?

the Grandmother says: mostly she says the same as the aunt but she also states, “Ava really never had a home or one place where she lived. We all took care of Ava. She was always with the family. We took turns having her and taking care of her. A week here, a week there. Ava did live with the Father for the first 2 years and some after his release. But we all still helped out. The aunt would still pick her up or I would and she spent most weekends with the Godparents. Me: so maybe once a month or so she would go and stay for a week with one of you? Grandmother: oh no, at least 2 times a month, sometimes more. Me: so at least twice a month she would spend a week or so with a relative and stay most weekends with the Godparents. Grandmother: yes, that’s right. Me: but she LIVED with the father? Grandma: yes. right.

Is it just me or does it sound like Ava didn’t live anywhere? If there are 4 weeks in a month and two of those were spent elsewhere… and weekends were spent elsewhere…. does that mean she really lived with the father? Even in a 5 week month, it just doesn’t sound like she had any kind of permanency.

But does that mean the aunt shouldn’t have permanent custody? It may not be an ideal situation and I may think it is awful and damaging for her to not have a permanent home but my opinion doesn’t matter. I think that is one of the hardest things about all of this – the decision has to be made based on her safety, both physical and emotional. Just because I think it is awful for her to bounce around and not have a family want her full time doesn’t mean it isn’t in her best interest to remain with the family if they can keep her safe.

It’s certainly nice to know that although I make recommendations (with the support of my coordinator), I don’t actually make the decisions.

Sigh. For now I just hope we are given more time to wade through the information and make the best possible recommendation. All I can ask for in court is to be given that extra time and I know that will happen because of other things happening.ikoniИкониПодаръциикониикони

It’s so fun to watch his reaction to Christmas decorations and especially the tree. Here he is seeing it for the first time yesterday when we put it up:

Hello. My name is Ebenezer and I am a procrastinator. I want to tell you my story but I think I’ll wait until next week’s meeting.

I’ve finally found the root of my writer’s block. It’s not inspiration or motivation. It’s not lack of something to say – let’s face it, NOT having something to say has NEVER been an issue for me. It’s procrastination. I keep putting it off.

Today I was thinking about all of the things on my “to do list” I’ve been putting off. I decided to make a list in hopes of actually crossing something off but then decided to do it later. Seriously. I swear. I even laughed at myself as I closed my laptop and moved on to something else.

I have lots more to say and lots I want to write about.

Maybe tomorrow?

So I got an email from a friend the other day asking me why the posting stopped. I can sum that up in two words:

I’m lazy.

or maybe:

I’m busy.

or maybe:

I’m uninspired.

or maybe:

…. nope. I’m just lazy.

It’s sad how many times a week I file away a thought or story I want to write about. If only I could find the key to unlock that filing cabinet in my brain. By the time I get to have some “alone time” with my laptop. Oh dear. Did I really just say, “alone time” followed by “with my laptop”? I really need to get out more. Anyway, I’m usually just too tired to make any sense. Take this post as an example.

Sometimes I wish I could send an email to a person based on how they got to my blog. I can see the search engine terms used to get here but I’d often like to know who stopped by. Okay. that sounds wierd.

Yesterday, someone landed here by searching for “probability of adopting an infant through foster care”. I’d really like to correspond with this person. I guess it doesn’t really matter because my story is here for anyone who stumbles across it and chooses to read through the archives. Sometimes that just isn’t enough.

I guess the stalker in me just needs something to do. There are a few significant people God put in our lives to serve as our encouragers through the whole foster-to-adopt thing and I jump at every chance I get to encourage someone else. It is just like infertility. You can’t help but want to reach out to someone who is living in a hell you have already survived.

So whoever you are, if you ever come back, hang in there. Expect a miracle….

My favorite thing about blog stats is reading what a person searched for to get to my site. For example, I see “Ebenezer” regularly and then random things that I must have mentioned somewhere. I used to get a lot of poo related searches….don’t know why. That reminds me. I haven’t posted about poo in a long time now. But don’t worry, Mathew will be potty training in another year or so…

Today, someone stumbled across the world wide web and landed on my little slice by googling “how to say Grace in Redneck”.

What does that say about me?

So remember that post yesterday about feeling so sick for foster mom? I really was feeling just horrible… that sinking feeling in your gut?

Surely this isn’t the case but I kinda get the feeling that I may have been more upset about it than she is. I know that sounds crazy but… I don’t know. The conversation I had with her was not at all what I expected. Not at all.

There’s always more to the story isn’t there? Guess I’ll never know.

"Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (Rock of Help), saying, This marks the place where GOD helped us."

1 Samuel 7:12 The Message

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