Wow.
Visit made me sad.
No one showed up to see my little Isaac.
His bparents have not seen him since he was 6 days old.
Archive for the '14' Category
On the Road Again…
Well, we’re just about to NB. The visit is scheduled for noon and it is anyone’s guess as to whether or not the bparents will show. I believe they will be there today. I’m also confident in the caseworker to closely monitor the visit - making sure everyone is of sound mind before handling baby Isaac. Wait. Scratch that. Can’t call him Isaac at the visit.
Big kids are home with Granny and Isaac is sleeping “like a baby” in the truck. He really likes the car, which is a good thing. I’m a little nervous but also anxious to see how everyone is doing. I think I have a fear that CPS will not let us take Isaac home for one reason or another. It’s silly. But until the papers say he’s mine it is a concern. As soon as that thought enters my mind, the verse from Corinthians joins it, “perfect love casts out all fear”. I know God is in control and I have faith that He will see us through. Most importantly, I have faith He will see baby Isaac through it all. 
Today marks two weeks since we met Isaac. It seems he’s been with us a lot longer than that. Speedy and Princess are really doing great with him and seem to be as happy as ever. Though I must say with her new haircut, Princess looks a lot more like a “big sister”.
Everything about Princess these days is all about independence. The poor kid even changes her own diaper now. Sad, isn’t it? One morning I was feeding Isaac and we were running a little behind schedule - Princess needed to be changed and dressed so I told her to go get me a diaper. She took the wet one off and threw it in the trashcan and brought a pull up into the den. She had some trouble seeing what she was doing so Speedy helped her take off her nightgown. Then she put her fatt, naked butt on the floor and proceeded to put on her own diaper. Nice, huh? Ever since then, if you mention a diaper change she screams, “DO IT ISELF!” It’s actually quite funny. I know. I know. I really do need to potty train her. Especially since she keeps wanting to change her pull up right after she potties in it. We’ll get there, but one step at a time.
This weekend, we are going to finish the kids’ rooms. Princess is moving into a “big girl” room and we’re painting it a soft green. I’m going to order some large polka dot wall stickers in pinks, purples and blues to put all over her walls. Someday I might paint them but for now, stickers will have to do. She’s very excited about her big girl bed and her new blanket….she even told me she was getting a new pillow. (she doesn’t have one at all now) I’m going to put a baby bed up in the room and let her sleep there until she can climb out. Or, we may try letting her sleep in the twin bed, if she wants to, and then just putting her in the crib when/if (really, WHEN) she gets out during the middle of the night.
We’ll see how it goes.
Isaac’s room will be the nursery and we’ll paint over the pink stipes with blue ones.
3 days?
Has it really been three days since the last post? I guess the excitement has worn off and the exhaustion has set in. It’s a good kind of exhaustion, though. Isaac is growing way too fast and I just want to cuddle him on my chest and savor every minute. Speedy and Princess are still loving their baby brother but have lost interest, for the most part, in feeding, etc….
Princess has displayed only a small amount of jealousy. Granny was over the other day and I was holding Isaac. Granny walked over to my chair and was going to take him from me when Princess ran in between us, grabbed on to her legs and said, “MY GRANNY!” ha ha ha Needless to say, Granny did not hold baby Isaac at that point.
Speedy continues to entertain us with his latest interest in dressing up. I got some cute pictures of him in some of Princess’ dresses, spinning, trying to make them fly up. We went to Sears this afternoon and I guess I’m just going to have to post the picture for you. It was too funny. We got quite a few looks. I know there are lots of mothers out there who wouldn’t dream of letting their kids leave the house looking the way Speedy sometimes looks, but I think it’s great! I admit it may be more difficult for me to allow that when it comes to Princess. But I’m going to try.
I talked to the caseworker today and she explained the process to me a bit more. The test that bparents will have to take the morning of each visit will likely not be finished, or shall we say “graded”, before the actual visit. So, this week at least, they will get their visit and it will be closely monitored. If their tests come back with unfavorable results, they will not get the next visit. In addition to this, they will also have regular (but random) tests. Daddy is taking off of work on Thursday to travel with me to the visit - it is about 3 hours away from our house so it is quite the trek. But Isaac is definitely worth it.
One thing I have not yet done is get pictures made with all the kids. I’m trying to wait for a time when daddyo can be there, too, so we can go ahead and get a whole family picture but I don’t know how long that may take. Between middle of the night feedings and Speedy and Princess occasionally waking up, it’s just too tuff to plan. The sleep deprivation is catching up with me - I think I forgot what a toll it can take on your body. We’ve been running the roads and haven’t slowed down at all and I’m thinking now may be a good time to slow down a bit. Besides, I have to get some work done and catch up on a few things aound here!
I still love being a mom of three and I still don’t think it is harder than having Speedy and Princess at the same time. I feel good. I love being a mom and other than buckling and unbuckling everyone, it isn’t all that hard to go places, either.
I’ll try to update more. Be praying about the visit, please. And now here’s Pirate Speedy, dressed and ready to go to Sears.
Tough to Love
Jun 28th 2008Cindy14 & 21 & 32
When I saw the birthparents after court the other day, I gave them some photos of Speedy and Princess meeting Isaac for the first time. I also gave them some photos of just Speedy and Princess. They were excited to see them but never said thank you or even asked how any of them were doing. Several people have commented that they were surprised I would give them photos.
Why not?
Although I sometimes find myself getting angry and wanting to be mean when i think of the things I know they put my children through, I have to constantly remind myself that it is not my job to punish them. Just as Christ forgave me, it is my job to forgive them. And to love them. And despite the choices they have made, I know they are hurting deeply. I can’t imagine the emptiness their lifestyle fills them with or the ache that is left over after a high. My heart goes out to them.
It’s easy to believe that we are better than that and nothing like that could ever happen to us. We would never make those choices. But how do any of us really know how close we may have come? We may have been one friend away from a life of bad choices. We may have been one drink away from an addiction that would consume us. There is no way we can be sure how close we may have come.
It is not my place to stand in judgement of the birthparents or of anyone else. In fact, I am grateful to them. It’s a twisted kind of emotion that causes me to be grateful for the terrible choices they have made that brought my children home to me.
I’m not always good at living out God’s mercy and grace - most of the time I’d say I fail miserably. But I have prayed from the beginning that God would soften my heart toward them and I believe it has made all the difference. I need to pray that same prayer about a few more people in my life. (go on, I know you want to shout ‘Amen’) ha ha ha
Love is a funny thing. The people who are most difficult to love are usually the ones who need it the most.
One Week
As I am catching up on blogs, I came across a post referencing this song.
It couldn’t be more perfect for the way I feel about my little Isaac. Part of the lyrics below.
Savage Garden: I knew I loved you
Maybe it’s intuition
But some things you just don’t question……I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believeI knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my lifeThere’s just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I’m searching for
I think I’ve found my way homeI know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believeI knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my lifeA thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I’ve found youI knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
One week ago tonight, almost to the exact time, we met Isaac. We sat in the lobby of the hotel room with butterflies in our tummies watching the door for a caseworker and a baby. People came in and my heart would drop, but it wasn’t Isaac.
Then, just a glimpse through the door of a young lady carrying a little tiny baby beneath a blanket and walking towards the door. He’s here, I told Daddyo. I was nervous and excited and my eyes were glued to the door. As the case worker walked in we stood and introduced ourselves and I took baby Isaac in my arms.
And all was right in my world.
Excuse me, Your Honor?
So court was good today. Can’t give too many details, but here’s what I can tell you:
Birthparents will be offered services. It was explained to me that this will only strengthen the state’s case against them when it comes to the trial for termination. I am happy with this.
Visits are scheduled every other week for two hours. BUT, birthparents must take a drug test the morning of the visit and will only be allowed to visit baby Isaac if the results are negative. They will also be subjected to random drug testing. The Judge was very clear to point out that if they do not appear within four hours of the request for a drug screen, it is considered negative. Also, if there is anything that looks like they tried to “cleanse” their system, it will also be considered negative.
It is my guess that visits will not actually occur - at least not very often.
I kept my mouth shut in court but I wanted to speak up several times and yell BULLSH$T! Because they answered a question with something I knew was a lie. It made me so sad for them.
I am very happy with the case worker who is taking the case from investigation and know that she will be thorough.
Yay, God.
Court Report
Court was uneventful. Birthparents were there. more to come.
Life as Usual
Well, we’re just trucking along over here. Got the kids up this morning, fed and dressed and left the house by 8:30am - actually earlier than we needed to. Had to drop Princess off with Granny, take Speedy to Music Camp and Isaac to the doctor. We’re all back at home now adn will probably spend the afternoon here. Dishes are done. Laundry is done. I’m on top of my game.
I don’t know how long this organization stuff will last but it sure is nice for now.
Please be praying about Wednesday. We have our first hearing in the morning and it is important that birth mom and birth dad be there so they can get served. They need to be there and they need to test positive. I know that is harsh, but I know they are still using and it is in Isaac’s best interest to get this process expedited. Also, I do not want them to have visits with Isaac and if they test positive on Wednesday they probably won’t have visits.
Before I get flamed for wishing bad things on people, understand that I have been down this road before. And understand that if birthmom can’t clean up her act while she is pregnant, she is not going to clean up her act now. Not without professional intervention which she has not had. So the sooner we get this done, the better. I had to watch them take Princess into their arms, knowing they were not sober the last time around. I hope I don’t have to do that again.
But we will do whatever it takes. And I know God will take care of all the details.
