Overheard in the Ebenezer house
Posted: June 25, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Me:Why are we so lazy?
DaddyO: I don’t know, I think we’re both just really good at procrastinating. We could write a book on procrastination.
Me: We should do that. Let’s start on it tomorrow.
DaddyO: (laughing) that’s what I was going to suggest. See, we’re good at.
Me: My momma always told me to find one thing I’m good at and stick with it.
DaddyO: yeah, and mine always told me not to be a quitter.
Me: so I guess we’ll always be procrastinators, huh?
DaddyO: guess so. You know, when we’re retired I hope we’ll travel and stuff like so and so. They seem to have so much fun.
Me: I know. I’d like that, too, but they do an awful lot of hiking. We have to start now if we want to be in shape by the time we retire. (taking a bit of ice cream)
DaddyO: We need to do that, anyway. We’ve got to lose some weight and live healthier. (said as I’m passing him the spoon so he can have a bite of ice cream) We need to eat healthier
Me: (as I’m taking a bite of ice cream) I don’t think it’s as much about what we eat as it is how much we eat. (we both cracked up laughing)
DaddyO: well, I guess we’ll start watching what we eat tomorrow.
me: yeah, I guess so.
tags: Humor 4 comments
Weekend Update
Posted: June 18, 2007 at 3:53 am
Friday night, my parents kept the kids so Daddy-o and I could go out and celebrate – our birthdays were on Saturday. For those of you who were not with us last year – yes, our birthdays are on the same day and yes, it sucks. More on that later. Daddy-o ended up working late which was fine because I went shopping for ……a bathing suit. UGH!
Believe it or not, bathing suit shopping this year was more fun than it ever has been before; but I do have a few complaints. First off, let me give a big shout out to Dillard’s for offering swim suits for fat girls that don’t look like something from your grandmother’s closet. For those of you who have been there, you know what I’m talking about here and for those of you who don’t, bite me. I was amazed at the variety of suits and was even more amazed that they were stylish. On top of that, I didn’t see any bikini’s in plus sizes which is just wrong. Clarification: selling bikini’s in plus sizes is just wrong. Afterall, “plus size bikini” is an oxymoron.
I did mind, however, having to hike all the way to the farthest corner of the store to find the “Dillard’s Woman” department. It’s like all the retailers get together and decide that since we wear plus sizes, we need the extra exercise of walking to the farthest corner of the freakin’ store. Now don’t you think if we wanted to exercise we wouldn’t be shopping in that department anyway? Someone should really clue the retailers in – if they’d all get together and combine all of their plus size departments into one store that is right next to the food court and an entrance, they’d sell a heck of a lot more clothes. “Oh yes, this is all I need for today. One extra large pair of pants, two extra extra large tops, a Big Mac, large fries and a Diet Coke.” I really might be on to something here.
Anyway, I actually found several suits I could tolerate and ended up having to choose between them. Normally, I buy the lesser of all the evils. The one I bought is one of those “miracle suits” but I’m not buying the “miracle” aspect of it. It’s not a miracle. They just size everything two sizes smaller than normal so once you get your fat butt stuffed into one, your sucked in so tight that you actually look thinner. Until your eyes find the edge of the suit. Then it’s just nasty. Now, if they could make one of those that covered my entire body…….but I’d surely suffocate. So I bought the stinkin’ miracle suit because it did look the best – ironically, I had to buy it a size larger than any of the other suits so I could wear it and breathe at the same time. Once you get the right size, the whole “miracle” concept is completely lost but I like the suit and that is all that matters.
As Daddyo and I are leaving for dinner, we stopped outside to talk with a neighbor and learned that there were going to be three garage sales on our street the next morning. Two of them had advertised in the papers and everything and the others had put signs up everywhere. The kids were with my parents and we had been trying to find a convenient time to have our own garage sale…..what choice did we have? Happy freakin’ birthday. The kids are both gone; the first time in a year and a half daddyo and I can sleep in together and we decide we should get up at the crack of dawn and pull crap out of our garage and try to sell it. I’d been looking forward to sleeping in all day. Sigh.
Five am and we’re setting things up on tables because “everyone knows that the serious buyers start coming by at 6am.” Or at least they used to. Seems that people around here don’t really get moving before 8:30 or so – we could have slept for another TWO HOURS. Oh well. For getting up at FIVE AM instead of sleeping in on our BIRTHDAY, we were rewarded with a whopping $200. I’m sorry. But I’d gladly pay you $200 to let me sleep in. 
At least we got rid of a lot of junk.
We really had a nice weekend.
tags: Humor 2 comments
A New Low
Posted: August 2, 2006 at 8:33 am
Yesterday morning after I got out of bed and got dressed, I came back over to the bed and sat down to reset my alarm. As I sat down, I heard a thud and felt my body suddenly dropping a foot or so. My self esteem fell with the bed when I realized I had broken it.
That’s right. My butt is so big it broke the bed. :o) You gotta love any day that starts that way.
Why in the world would I admit that to anyone, much less share it with all of blogland? Because it’s just too funny not to share. I’m sure I could make up a much more entertaining story of how the bed broke…….but we’ll keep this G-rated.
So last night I had to get Mr. Stud himself out of bed to fix it because I had forgotten to tell him about it. He was so tired he didn’t notice when he crawled into bed, and it really didn’t affect his side. So until we get it reinforced somehow, we have a stack of old hard back books underneath the bar that holds the box springs. That’s right, folks. I’ve got a stack of books holding up my mattress.
Afterall, we ARE rednecks.
tags: Humor, Redneck humor Add a comment
More Poopy Tales
Posted: March 23, 2006 at 10:28 pm
This is gross so if you are easily disguisted, stop reading now.
Carrots are not a good thing to feed Carter two days in a row. Especially if he eats lots of them because he REALLY loves them. Let’s just say that carrots can be identified in a diaper. And orange is not a good color for poo. And sticky poo that is hard to wipe off is just plain nasty. And orange sticky poo that leaks out the sides of a diaper just isn’t right.
Reason why I should get the “mother of the year” award instead of Brigitte:
Murphy’s law says that if you have a two year old and a 2 month old in a double stroller and you are walking through the mall about lunch time, you will almost certainly have to go poop. And if you find a handicapped stall that is just barely long enough for your double stroller to fit in, then your two year old will probably be in your face while you are going poop. And if, in an effort to distract him from playing with the nasty feminine disposal trash can, you give him toilet paper because he keeps looking at it with interest, you should be warned that if he is close enough to your backside, he just might try to mimic what you are doing with the toilet paper. And he might be very quick. And you might think it is disguisting, but so freakin funny that you can’t help but blog about it. Then everyone else will think you are disguisting too.
tags: Carter, Humor, UnCategorized 8 comments
Chef Yuck EEE
Posted: March 6, 2006 at 8:49 pm
Today I started a crockpot meal early so we could have it for dinner. It was one of those all in one things from the frozen section and all I had to do was add water. Sound to good to be true? Well, it is too good to be true. It sucked.
As we sat down to eat, I mentioned to Toolman that we could warm last night’s leftovers after Carter went to bed. We wanted him to go ahead and eat it and we ate it too, but we were giggling the whole time. We kept taking bites and saying “mmmmmm….yummy” and Carter would do the same. We thought he liked it okay so we kept it up. The meal had sliced carrots in it and they either hadn’t cooked long enough or they were just eternally hard because Carter was trying to cut one with his plastic spoon. I took my fork and had trouble cutting it but finally succeeded. Carter took a bite then spit it out and made a “yucky” face.
Toolman and I died laughing. We thought he’d eat it and we were choking it down only to convince him how yummy it was. When he spit the carrot out we couldn’t stop laughing and I said, “Carter, do you want a hot dog?” He immediately and very clearly said, “Yes!”. Usually, to get him to answer yes to anything I have to say, “Carter do you……yes or no…” and then he’ll answer. But he took my offer for a hot dog right away. Poor kid. So he had a hot dog minus the buns and green peas for dinner.
I had nasty frozen corn dogs that were still better than the crockpot meal and Toolman had leftover steak. WAit a minute. How’d he get away with that?
By the way, now that I can password protect my posts when I want to, I’m going to post a couple of pictures. If you don’t have the password and want it, email me again please.
tags: Carter, Humor, UnCategorized 6 comments
On Multi-tasking
Tags: Foster Care
Posted: February 20, 2006 at 9:13 am
When you have a two year old and a newborn in the house, you no longer get any time to yourself – for ANYTHING. Since Carter occasionally likes to “visit” his baby sister, we have to keep a close eye on where he is at all times.
This morning, Gracey was sleeping and I had to go to the bathroom. Okay, I had to poop. So Carter had to come with me. I locked the poor kid in the bathroom with me and he wanted to brush his teeth. So I figure this is a good distraction…..until he decided it was MY turn to brush his teeth. Brushing someone else’s teeth while you are pooping is not my idea of a good time. I tried distracting him and found the only thing that would work was singing, “The wheels on the bus go round and round…” all the while I’m pooping.
Life is never gonna be the same again, is it?
tags: Coming Home, Humor, UnCategorized 11 comments
Peezing – Ode to K
Posted: July 26, 2005 at 10:02 pm
The other day I posted about some of the differences between being pregnant and waiting to adopt. Today, I was talking to my friend, who shall remain nameless, who gave birth to a beautiful baby boy four months ago and she listed yet another benefit of not giving birth.
It seems she has lost some of the control of her bladder. Well, technically, it isn’t her bladder but something I can’t spell that she’s lost control of. It seems that if her bladder is at all full and she sneezes, she also pees. Not just a drop or two, either…enough so that it runs down her leg. I’ve decided to call this “Peezing” – it’s what you do when you sneeze and pee at the same time…more accurately when you sneeze and it makes you go pee. I’ve submitted “Peezing” to Webster and hope it will be added to the next edition of the dictionary.
If ever there was a benefit of not giving birth, this must be it. No peezing for me, thank you very much.