My Ebenezer

So now that we have an official diagnosis, we’ve made some decisions about what to do. There is a lot of debate about medications for ADHD and especially about medicating children under age 5. What I’ve noticed is that if you bring it up in conversation, everyone seems to be an expert.

I’m no expert on any kind of medicine but I am an expert on Speedy. And I know that he needs help dealing with his disorder or whatever it’s called. I’ve spent a lot of time watching him in group settings, making sure I have a clear picture of the issues and it’s broken my heart every time. He wants to please, he wants to follow directions….. sometimes, he just can’t. There are also times when he just won’t, but that’s different. It’s typical for his age - for any age, really.

Anyway, we started him on medication yesterday and although I noticed a difference, I wasn’t ready to credit the medication because his behavior is manageable at home for the most part. My desire to medicate him had nothing to do with making my life easier and had everything to do with making his life easier.

This morning, Speedy went to children’s church by himself. Summer classes have been combined so only one of the teachers was really familiar with him. This was helpful because they did not automatically stand by him in line or even sit with him in the big room.

Some of you will read this and think that Speedy’s behavior is not abnormal for his age. Trust me when I say that it isn’t so much the behaviors themselves but the frequency of which they occurred.

Imagine my surprise when he walked out that room, standing in line just like all the other boys and girls. not once did he jump out of line, run ahead, or try to take something off the wall. He went into the big room, where they have the little service and sat next to one of his buddies. I watched him sing a couple of songs I know he has always known, but has never sang with the class before. I watched him say the words and do the hand signals of the prayer. I watched him sit and not jump up and down and run around. I asked his teacher (that knew him) when we picked him up how he did for the remainder of the class and she said he did great.

I was glad to know that he wasn’t just perfect with no talking or interruptions - I don’t want him to lose his precious personality. But his behavior was appropriate for his age and for the setting.

I can’t wait to see how he does in school this fall.

And I am so incredibly grateful for the medication. I feel like he now has the opportunity to participate in a way that he never really could before. If you don’t have a child who suffers from this disorder, you just have no idea how socially debilitating it can be.

My sweet, sweet boy.

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After a thorough evaluation, we finally got the diagnosis I knew would eventually come. Speedy has ADHD. I can honestly say that I’m relieved. If it wasn’t ADHD, it would be something worse because I knew it was SOMETHING. I’ve got more to say about this but i’ve already used up 5 of my 30 minute quiet time today so i’ll save it for later. Have to rest before kids realize it is swim time.

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So, with the whole ADHD thing or whatever it is that keeps Speedy “speedy”, I’m trying to take a proactive approach rather than a reactive one. The school system offers a program in pre-k for kids with special needs and while ADHD falls under that category, it is only offered when there are developmental delays. The good news is that Speedy does not have any developmental or educational delays at this point. The bad news is that until he does, they offer no assistence in preparing him for Kindergarden.

I actually looked and the lady during our meeting yesterday and said, “so what I hear you telling me is that in order to get help from the school system, he must first begin to fail in the classroom. There is no option to help prevent failure in the classroom.” She was very nice and almost empathetic and sweetly said, “it may not even come to that. As long as he is getting the information, he it may never cause a disruption in his learning.” As she is saying this, I’m wondering exactly how a Kindergarden teacher is going to keep Speedy in his seat. Or if she’ll be willing to let him walk around the back of the room, disrupting others as he gets into everything since he is still listening as he does so.

It’s rather frustrating as a parent to try and be proactive when you’re working with a reactive school system. We still have two other options we are looking into, one is through Texas Children’s and the other is through a private school. We’re keeping our fingers crossed that Texas Children’s will offer something to help us help Speedy.

I get frustrated when I constantly hear from physicians, nurses, diagnosticians, etc…. “he’s barely even 4, this just may be the way he is and he may grow out of it. He may just need to mature a little bit more. 4 is way too young to diagnose ADHD.” While that information may be true, it is not at all helpful. Because he is struggling right now in preschool. He’s way off from others his age, even others who are consided “very active”. So screw you for thinking you know my kid better than I do. Honestly, do you think I WANT him to have issues? Am I making all of this up?

I guess what frustrates me most is that in a few cases I’ve actually felt like the person/physician/nurse/diagnostician/etc… was thinking I was nuts for even pursuing any of this right now. I mean, I get that this could all magically go away in the next year. I get that we could all wake up one morning and Speedy will have suddenly gained the ability to focus and pay attention without fidgeting and moving around. I’m not saying it’s impossible. But would it be responsible parenting for me to just assume that it’s going to happen and not even attempt to somehow intervene before it effects his education and his self-esteem?

I get the whole roll of the eye thing whenever I mention Speedy’s self-esteem. I think self-esteem is one of the biggest issues kids with ADHD struggle with and that is more important to me than even the education piece. I would rather see him have a healthy self-esteem than a better education. He can deal with the educational stuff but if he has a low self-esteem, that’s a lot more difficult to overcome. So while some roll their eyes and look at me like I’m one of those psyche protecting, permissive parents……. I can’t help but wonder if they’d look at it differently if it were their child? The self-esteem issue doesn’t seem to matter - unless it is your child we’re talking about.

Bleh. Enough griping. This parenting business isn’t always easy but I’m getting better at not caring what anyone else thinks. Good news for me. Bad news for you. ha ha ha ha

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