First Court
Posted: March 20, 2006 at 4:33 pm
Okay, tomorrow is our first court hearing. It is the second for the family, but our first to attend and we are NERVOUS! We are praying that Carter and Gracey are put on a “fast track” – please pray that with us. We aren’t sure what time our case will be called, it could be 10am or 2pm or anywhere in between. So, we’ll be sitting at the courthouse with the birthfamily for that entire time.
It’s a long shot that they will be fasttracked but we are asking for it anyway. Remember, with God all things are possible.
We are still praying that bio mom and bio dad will voluntarily give up their rights. We really are asking a lot, aren’t we? 
Please pray with us for Carter and Gracey to be put on a fast track. Please also pray for Toolman and I – that we would be bold and courageous and speak the truth, even when it might fall on deaf ears. Pray that we will continue to be the hands and feet of Christ, not just to Carter and Gracey, but also to their birthfamily.
We’ll let you know how it goes.
tags: Foster Care, UnCategorized 6 comments
No News is Good News?
Posted: March 21, 2006 at 3:51 pm
Not much happened at court today. We did not get put on a fast track, but we knew that was highly unlikely.
Birthparents have a long laundry list of items they must complete and we go to court again at the end of July. It was interesting and I’ll tell more about it but I don’t have time to write it all now. All is well. Thank you for your prayers.
tags: Foster Care, UnCategorized 1 comment
Court is in Session
Posted: March 22, 2006 at 7:43 am
Thank you again for all of your prayers for yesterday. I was really nervous about going but it all turned out just fine.
Family court is a sad place to spend the morning. I saw several cases go before the judge, many where bio parents didn’t even show up. Often, no one even knew where to locate the bio parents. The saddest thing I watched was a woman who stood before the judge and was told that after two years of not seeing her children, she still could not see them and a TPR (termination of parental rights) date was set.
She walked back to her seat sobbing as she explained to her friend what the judge had said. My heart broke for her and for her children. I am sure there is a very good reason why she can’t see her kids; based on a little of what I heard, I am confident that “the system” served those kids well yesterday. But it was still sad. Unbelievably sad.
There is a whole other part of our society that most of us don’t even know exists. Or we pretend it doesn’t. There is a post here and one day I’ll write it, but today I want to tell you about our case.
Toolman got to meet the court appointed attorney for the kids in the hallway. He introduced himself to her and she immediately asked how they were doing. Her second question to toolman was, “are you a legal risk home?” Daddy-O told her that we were but we realize that right now this is straight foster care. She said, “yes, but are you looking to adopt?” And he told her we would LOVE to adopt these kids, if they flip for adoption. She smiled and said good.
I don’t know if all attorneys ask that question immediately or not. But I’m believing that she doesn’t expect these kids to go back to their bio parents, just like all the caseworkers don’t expect it to happen. Woo Hoo!
The judge blessed the plan, talked about how important it was to start some of the steps immediately and set the next court date for late July. So we know we have them until then. There is a long list of things that must be done in order for them to even have a chance at getting their kids back. It’s going to be tough for them to do and I feel horrible hoping that they can’t or won’t do it; but I love these kids.
All in all, it still looks very good for adoption. The judge left the primary goal as adoption and that is a big deal.
We’re pleased. The bio parents are angry/upset that Carter calls us mommy and daddy – I explained again that this is what we’ve been told to do. That kids his age need to call someone mommy and daddy on a regular basis. I think things are going to start getting ugly.
Please pray for Carter. It is him I am most worried about. Pray that he is not upset by visits and that he continues to feel safe, secure and loved in our home. I’m afraid of what bio parents may start saying to him at these visits. I am trusting God to intervene in a HUGE way.
Speaking of Carter, his cartoon time is running out and I think he’s finished his milk so I better go see what he’s up to.
The Hardest Thing
Posted: March 25, 2006 at 9:24 pm
The hardest thing for me to do is to pray for Carter and Gracey’s bio parents. I pray that God protects Carter and Gracey’s future; that He brings people into their lives to teach them about His love; that He guards their hearts and minds; and that He keeps them with us forever. In the same breath, I try to pray for bio mom and bio dad.
It is so hard to be sincere when I ask God to bless them. When I ask God to help them turn their lives around. Half the time, I end up praying that God would give me a sincere heart and help me to really mean it when I ask Him to help them. But what does it mean to be a Christian? Am I able to live what I believe, even when it scares me to death? Even when it could mean that my heart gets crushed?
God’s grace is available to everyone. Aren’t we called to pray for unbelievers? Should bio mom and bio dad be excluded from that so that I can get what I want? I don’t think that’s what Jesus had in mind. But I gotta tell you, it’s hard. It’s hard to ask God to help them turn their lives around because if they turn their lives around, mine could be turned upside down. It’s hard to pray that they learn of God’s love and begin to believe in His saving power. If they start believing, then they might start making better choices, living better and become capable of taking care of Carter and Gracey.
And that scares me to death. But still I pray because it’s the only thing I know to do. Because it’s what I believe and I can’t keep talking about what I believe if I’m not willing to live it. God knows my heart. He knows how much we want to keep Carter and Gracey. But He also knows that we want what is best for them. We want His will for Carter and Gracey, even if that means they don’t become our forever children. We’ve prayed for His will for us throughout this process and now we have to trust God with our hearts – our Carter and our Gracey – and pray for His will for their lives as well.
I wondered before we got kids how having them would affect my relationship with God. It has taught me a lot about God’s love for me, but it has also taught me how much harder it can be to really trust God when you have kids. I mean, it’s one thing for me to believe God for my own life…..but can I trust Him with my kids? 
I can. I will. I have to.
Afterall, Jeremiah 29:11 says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you [Carter and Gracey],’ says the Lord. ‘They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.’”
Your will, Lord. Not mine. No matter what.
Answered Prayer
Posted: April 3, 2006 at 7:56 am
At the visit last week, I got to spend more time visiting with Carter's paternal grandpa. Those grandparents are so wonderful and love him so much. As we talked and he shared more of Carter's history with me, I said, "it sounds like it is a miracle he came out of all that in one piece and with such a wonderful disposition." And he said to me, "Someone has been watching out for him. Some kind of higher power or something has definitely been taking care of Carter. It really is a miracle." And as he spoke those words, my own words came back to me, words that I started praying (see the third paragraph, last two sentences of the previous linked post) a year ago: "God, wherever our children are, please keep them safe. I pray that they are hugged and kissed and that they know they are loved, despite any bad circumstances." God answered that prayer.
Another gift that I never imagined possible is the opportunity to see baby pictures of Carter. His paternal grandma shared some with me and I'm just overwhelmed.
God is good. All the time. All the time, God is good.
tags: Adoption, Carter, Foster Care, UnCategorized 4 comments
What can you do to make a difference?
Posted: April 3, 2006 at 10:48 pm
Abuse Facts – Confirmed
2003 Texas www.preventchildabusetexas.org
Physical abuse: 36,606
Sexual abuse: 7,473
Abandonment: 420
Medical neglect: 2,371
Physical neglect: 7,198
Neglectful Supervision: 26,398
Refusal to accept parental responsibility: 845
Graceyotional abuse: 1067
Total Physical Abuse:
60-70% of abused children suffers bruises and welts 15-20% incurs skeletal injury.
25-30% of cases involves brain or neuromotor dysfunction
Social Abuse:
50% of runaway youth have been physically abused and an even greater percentage have been sexually abused.
60% of prostitutes have been sexually abused as children.
65% of prison inmates at the Ferguson Unit (TDC) have been abused as children.
90% of convicted murderers were physically abused as children.
Graceyotional and Psychological:
50% abused children have school related problems.
22% suffer learning disorders requiring special education.
60-80% of adult drug or alcohol abusers have a history of child abuse.
These are only the cases that were confirmed. Can you imagine how many more are still out there?
People were bringing little children to him in order that he might touch them; and the disciples spoke sternly to them. But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, "Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. 15 Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it." And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them. Mark 10: 13-16
tags: Adoption, Foster Care, UnCategorized 2 comments
God is Good
Posted: April 17, 2006 at 4:22 pm
All the time.
This past week I really struggled with where everything sits with the kids. I talked to God for a long time one afternoon last week and kept asking Him to just tell me specifically what would happen. You know how that works, right? Well, oddly enough, the first thing that came to my mind was the joke about the man who drowned when his house flooded. He sat on top of his roof and prayed to God to save him.
A boat came by and the man refused to get in, saying God was going to save him. A helicopter came by but again the man refused, saying he knew God was going to save him. Finally, a raft came by and the others begged the man to get in as the water was nearing his chest but he again refused. And he drowned. When he got to heaven, he asked God why He had not saved him. God replied, "I sent a boat, a helicopter and raft but you refused them all. What more did you expect?"
I feel like that's where we are with the kids. All the "signs" point to adoption. The caseworker thinks it will flip, our agency thinks it will flip, even the ad litem seemed to think it would flip. But I want more. God wants us to have faith; the kind of faith that says we'll keep praising Him no matter what happens. And we will.
As Easter weekend comes to an end, I can't help but be reminded of the most precious gift God has given us. What more can I ask for?
The kids are where God wants them right now and I believe they will be with us forever. But it is so easy to think of the "what if's" and get scared. I know that when I feel like the fear will overtake me, the only option I have to seek God. The only thing that makes the knot in my stomach go away is when I praise God. I sing my heart out to Him (and believe me, only HE wants to hear me sing….) and that twisting knot of yuckiness in the pit of my stomach goes away. It's only by focusing on Him that I can overcome the fear.
Afterall, He is the perfect love that casts out all fear.
Today's visit was interesting. It was a two hour visit since they didn't get to see the kids last week. About an hour into it, they switched rooms and walked through the lobby where I was sitting. I said hi to Carter but was careful not to interact with him too much, as I didn't want to interfere with the visit. About 30 seconds after he walked into the second room, which was right off the lobby, he came barrelling out of there crying and ran straight to me. I picked him up and loved on him, told him it was okay and that he was going to play for a little while longer with his other mom and dad. I carried him into the room and put him down and walked away. I pulled the door shut (dumb me) and then walked over to the desk and asked the secretary to have the case worker go and check on them. She asked me if i would open the door because she was supposed to be watching them. I just looked at her like she was nuts and she said, "maybe I should open the door, huh?" I was like, DUH! As soon as she opened the door SPeedy came running out again and jumped into my lap. I loved on him and then I gave his bio mom some candy I had in my bag and told her to give it to him. She handed it to him (without breaking it up into little bites – the checkout lady at Walgreens would have gone nuts) but he wouldn't budge. I asked her what she wanted me to do, if she wanted me to go in the room for a few minutes until he calmed down. She said she didn't know. Then she said, "we could just end the visit now and have another one later this week." I told her we wouldn't be able to do that.
Anyway, so she sat next to me and I placed Carter on her lap and told him he should sit with her while he ate his candy. Then the caseworker suggested I leave the lobby so I told Carter I'd be right back and I sat in his office for the duration of the meeting. Poor Carter, I think he was just confused because usually when they come back through the lobby, he leaves with me.
Granny Crack (maternal grandmother) said as I was leaving the room, "this is because ya'll have confused him by having him call you mom and dad." I was so proud that I was able to bit my lip and not say what I was thinking at that moment. It wouldn't have mattered if Carter called me George – he still would have run to me because I give him consistent love and attention on a daily basis. It's normal for him to bond with me and Toolman.
Still, I know it must be hard for bio parents to watch that. It has to hurt. My heart is losing empathy for them but I am trying to see things from their perspective. Mostly, I'm just glad that Carter knows I love him.
tags: Adoption, Carter, Foster Care, UnCategorized 9 comments
Reflections…..
Posted: April 20, 2006 at 10:50 am
As I was about to write this post last night, I started rereading what I had written in early February, when we first learned of Carter.
My favorite quotes from those first few days are:
This is the child that has been growing in my heart since we decided to adopt.
Tonight, while I was holding my little Gracey at the hospital, these lyrics came into my head:
“How great is our God? Sing with me…How Great is our God?….All will see How Great….How Great…..is our God”
Wait on God, friends. It’s always worth it.
It is a beautiful gift to be able to go back and read my thoughts and feelings during those first few hectic weeks. I don't remember a lot of it, but reading it again brings it back. I can't believe it has all happened – it seems like it was so fast.
Christmas is here, my friends. And I've never been happier.
It is a priveledge to parent Carter and Gracey. I spent all day yesterday playing with Carter instead of getting clothes washed. It was well worth it.
Gracey will be three months old this Saturday. I'm going to take some pictures of her hands and feet, like I did before, and post them for you so you can see how much she has grown!
tags: Adoption, Foster Care, UnCategorized 2 comments
Still here
Posted: April 30, 2006 at 7:32 am
Yes, yes, I know. Updates aren't as frequent because they've just gotten a little boring lately. I can't write about every funny thing Carter does or I'd be here writing instead of enjoying him all day long. 
It still amazes me how much our lives have changed in so short a period of time. I never knew I could love like this. It's just so different from anything else and I guess you can't understand it until you are in the middle of it.
People continue to ask us about the future and about whether or not we'll get to "keep" Carter and Gracey. It is a constant reminder that there is a possibility that we could lose them. Sometimes I wish people would just quit asking me. I mean, if I know something new I promise I'll tell you. I guess I just get frustrated at constantly having to explain it. 
People may as well just say to me, "Hey, those aren't REALLY your kids, remember?" LOL, thanks for THAT reminder!
God has given us a peace about the situation. We trust that He is in control and He is going to provide, as He always has. I'd be lying if I told you I didn't have my moments of panic – when I watch my babies sleeping, when I hold them close and smell the tops of their heads. Mainly though, the time that I am most likely to have doubts is when people ask me about it. I know that's wierd, but it's how it works for me. I find myself trying to explain it away when all I really want to do is say, "we're trusting God and you should too." But that's kinda harsh.
Parenting is different than we expected. More on that later.
tags: Adoption, Foster Care, UnCategorized 4 comments
Choosing Christ
Posted: May 3, 2006 at 12:59 pm
About five minutes after that last post, my mom called to ask if she could keep the kids one day next week because she just "had" to see them. Thanks, mom. I'm looking forward to a few hours of "me time"!
I'm in a Bible Study right now with an incredible group of women. We are reading James and in James 2:23-24, it says, "23 And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, "Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness." And he was called the friend of God." NKJV
It's the "he was called the friend of God" part that really gets to me. I want to be called the friend of God. I want to believe God in all things. The biggest thing for me to believe God in right now is pretty obvious. I'm believing God to carry us through this journey of adoption. Notice I didn't say I'm believing God to make us the legal parents of Carter and Gracey.
I keep getting little bits of information on the birthfamily and I just need to stop listening to it. Today I began mapping out a plan of action for what I might do to "make sure" we get to keep Carter and Gracey! It's absurd, really. It is completely out of my control but every once in a while I just grab hold of the reins and take off. I hear God whispering, "Be still….breathe….I am here. Who are you going to trust? Yourself or Me?" And I pray my way through it. It requires a complete surrendering to Him. It's not me saying, "okay, God. I know you are going to fix things so that Carter and Gracey stay with us forever so I'll let you have control." It's me saying, "Okay, God. YOUR will, not mine. I trust YOUR will. I trust Your control. I surrender to YOUR plan." It's not easy. It is a daily burden I lay at His feet.
Before you start thinking I'm some wonderful, super Christian type person. Let me set the record straight! It is only through His grace that I am willing to lay my heart down. God crucified His ONLY son, so that I would have the opportunity to live eternally with Him. He made that sacrifice knowing that I (and you) would have a choice of whether or not to accept that precious gift. I don't know about you, but I choose Christ. I choose Christ and whatever that means for our future with these children. I choose Christ because it is His ever present peace that keeps me going each day. I choose Christ because of His unconditional love for me. I choose Christ because He first chose me. For me, there is no other choice.
John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever should believe in Him, should not perish, but have eternal life."