So Long, Friend
Posted: April 20, 2008 at 12:47 am
Today we buried my 19 year old cousin, Logan. He touched many hearts with his gentle smile and we were honored to have him in our family. 19 years is too short; it’s not a long enough time to spend with your child. Many people look at a funeral as a way to say goodbye. I’m glad that for us, it isn’t goodbye but see you later. We may not get to hug his neck again on this side of heaven, but we will be reunited one day.
I like to imagine that my maw-maw and uncle “burbie” were there waiting to greet him at the doors of heaven. Arms open wide, welcoming him into glory and taking him to sit at the feet of Jesus.
Although his body didn’t function the same way yours and mine does here on earth, tonight he is running on streets of gold. Laughing and singing “This Little Light of Mine”.
So shine on, Logan.
We’ll see you on the other side.
tags: God's Grace 5 comments
Tuesday
Tags: Adoption
Posted: April 16, 2008 at 4:22 am
Wow. I really got your attention in that last post, didn’t I? I appreciate the support and words of encouragement. I have no doubt that God will give us what we need to face whatever it is He brings to us. I do find myself quoting “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition present your requests to God” daily. Sometimes hourly.
The anxiety is not about how to handle three kids… it’s about whether or not we’ll even get the chance. His will, not mine. Please pray for the worker who will be writing up our homestudy. This process can take anywhere from 30-45 days and we really need it done asap. Pray for a sense of urgency.
We decided to take Carter with us on our little getaway. We just can’t leave him for four whole nights. It must sound terrible to say we can leave Gracey, but it’s a little different with her because we are all she’s ever known. I think SPeedy needs a little extra from us and I think this is just what the doctor ordered. We will all have a wonderful time and grandparents will have a blast with the little Gracey.
Stella. You haven’t heard much about her lately because she’s been doing really well. She’s been in the same foster home for FOUR months now and I’m thrilled. She looks amazing and has been doing really well. Last week, she turned 16. She decided she didn’t want to take her meds anymore so she is off of them now. I’m worried for how she’ll do without them.
I’m irritated that her foster mom (who overall is really great) did not know that as it stands now, Stella will not be considered a 10th grader next year if she doesn’t make up a half credit. She’s already a year behind and will turn 18 in her junior year. We mapped out an educational plan with her counselor but it’s going to be a lot work. I told her it was up to her to decide whether or not she wanted to do it. She told me today that she wants to quit school and does not want to attempt to graduate. Among other things, her plan right now is to get a job, get emancipated and move to Ohio. (puppy love)
What do you say to that? Telling her it isn’t realistic would not help her. So I just listened and told her it sounds like she’s got it all figured out. I told her that although the state could make her go to school, they couldn’t make her do the work and if she wanted to “quit” then that would be her choice. I casually mentioned that lots of people survive their whole life making only $8 an hour which is about what she can expect without a high school diploma. I suggested she do some research online to find out what it would take to get emancipated.
Understand this: I in no way want to see her make these choices. But she is 16 physically; 40 experience wise; 10 emotionally, etc… I can’t tell her what to do or how to do it. Me pointing out the absurdity of her plan will do nothing but make her angry and add fuel to the fire. Make her want to do it even more. So I just tried to listen and not ask too many questions. And not say all of the things that were coming to my mind. I’ve decided that the best thing I can do for Stella is to just be there. To listen and offer support and understanding when she needs it. There are enough people in her life pointing out the absurdity of plans and desires.
Here’s what really makes me angry. She called my coordinator and was very rude and ugly to her. My coordinator handled it poorly, in my opinion. Her immediate reaction was to revoke Stella’s priveledge of getting to travel with her aunt to go and visit some family in a neighboring state. Now, the reason is that she feels like Stella may not come back but I don’t think that’s a real issue. And I think my coordinator is giving Stella a consequence that takes away her right to see her family. And I don’t think it’s okay to do that. It’s not fair. Take away her Ipod, take away her phone, but don’t withdraw the opportunity to go and see her family. Not when you’ve already said she could go. Ugh.
Carter Prays
Posted: February 8, 2008 at 4:42 am
Yesterday, we Gracey and I dropped off our adoption/foster care application while Carter was in school. When we were eating lunch (Carter and I), we had this conversation:
Me: guess what Gracey and I did today while you were in school?
Carter: WHAT?
Me: We took our papers to the adoption agency and turned them in so they would know that we want to adopt another baby.
Carter: Smiles
Me: Remember how mommy told you that we were thinking about adopting another baby?
Carter: yes
Me: Well, all we have to do now is pray and ask God to bring us a baby
Carter: Let’s pray right now
Me: Okay, do you want to pray or do you want me to?
Carter: I want to pray.
Me: Okay, go ahead
Carter: Dear God, please bring us a new baby. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.
Me: That was sweet, Carter. God always hears our prayers and now we just have to wait and see what happens. Sometimes God answers yes and sometimes He answers no.
Carter: He always hears us?
Me: Yes
Carter: Maybe He’ll bring us some yogurt, too.
This morning, on the way to play therapy as we are listening to the music from “Praise Baby”:
Carter: Mommy, do you like to be worshipped?
Me: Um….no. I like to worship God – He is the only one who should be worshipped.
Carter: I like to be worshipped.
Me: You do, huh?
Carter: Yes, I really do.
Me: How can mommy worship you?
Carter: By singing to me
Me: I can sing to you anytime, but I only worship God. God likes for us to worship Him. It’s hard to understand – I’ll have to think of a better way to explain it.
Carter: We worship when we sing.
Me: That’s right. Jesus loves to hear us sing to Him and He is always listening to us.
Carter: He really loves us.
Me: Yes, He does. Do you know how much Jesus loves you?
Carter: How much?
Me: A very long time ago, He lived on earth and looked like a man. He died for us, so that one day we can live in Heaven with God. And do you know what happend three days after He died?
Carter: He came alive again!
Me: That’s right! And now He lives in heaven with God.
Carter: And in our hearts.
Me: Yes, He lives in everyone’s heart when they ask Him to.
Carter: He lives in everyone’s heart.
Me: Well, He wants to. But we have to ask Him to live in our heart and when we do, He moves in and He stays forever.
Carter: Jesus, please come and live in my heart. Amen.
tags: Carter, Love for us 4 comments
Finally, a real post
Posted: January 7, 2008 at 4:45 am
I know it’s been a while since I’ve really written…
It’s just that lately it’s been hard to process what’s in my head and my heart has been heavy. Being a parent is so much different than I ever imagined it to be. It hurts a lot more than I thought it would and it also brings me immeasurable joy. We waited so long to be parents and now that we’re here sometimes it just feels so overwhelming.
If you are a parent, you know what I mean. You know what it means to love a child so much it hurts. You know what it means to watch your heart run around outside of your body. You know what it means to be emotionall exhausted and exhilirated at the same time.
Almost two years ago, our world turned right side up when we brought Carter and Gracey into our home and into our hearts. I still remember it like it was yesterday. We were so full of hope that they would become our forever family, and in my heart I knew they would. There were days in the beginning that I thought I just couldn’t do it – someone had made a mistake because I couldn’t go one more day with a 2 year old bouncing off the wall and a newborn baby. And then I’d get some much needed sleep and I’d wake up ready to take on the world for those kids.
I’m remembering that now because I’m waiting to wake up again. It’s not that I don’t think I can do it – I know I can. I’m just feeling rather defeated these days. Graceyotional. (and I really hate that) On the verge of tears. (and I really, really hate that) You have this picture of what parenting will be like and no matter how much you think you are prepared, you’re just not. I can handle the everyday stuff…the getting sick…the loss of freedom…the poopy diapers and chocolate syrup in the rug. I knew it would be that way. What I didn’t know, is how often my heart would shatter.
When we took Carter out of school, we made the right decision for him. I hope that we are making another right decision by enrolling him in this new school. He starts tomorrow and I’m very anxious and trying to work it out of my system before morning so he doesn’t pick up on it. He’s having trouble in church, also, and that is really getting to me. Daddyo went to the children’s service with him this morning and he did pretty well with daddy right there keeping him on track.
Last Sunday, I had a very unpleasant conversation with a staff member regarding Carter’s behavior. It wasn’t ugly or rude or anything like that, it’s just that what she had to say was, in my opinion, incredibly inappropriate and misguided. I don’t expect people at church to be perfect, not even the staff, but I do expect compassion from someone in her position and definitely didn’t get that. We love our church family (but every family has a black sheep or two, right?) and I was touched when I received not one, but two phone calls from other staff members following up with helpful suggestions and possible solutions rather than just complaints.
Here’s what I think is the hardest part for me. Carter is not agressive. He doesn’t bite or hit or kick. He doesn’t blatantly disregard instructions. He’s not oppositional. He has a very hard time sitting and focusing for more than a few minutes at a time in a group setting. His constant movement and talking is disruptive in a group setting. I honestly don’t know that he is capable of doing some of what we’re asking him to do. (paying attention and sitting quietly during story time, etc…) I’m not sure if it is an emotional/social immaturity or the first signs of ADHD or something else along those lines. All I really know is that I love my baby boy and I want him to be able to behave appropriately for his age.
And then I have to ask myself what the real issue is that I’m having. Am I making this about me? Can I move past my dream of having everything be just hunky-dory? Unless you’ve been there, you have absolutely know idea how difficult it is to constantly hear about your child’s behavior issues. To constantly be asked for answers you don’t have. And it sucks when people say, “Carter is …………” rather than “Carter’s behavior is ……….”. I never used to understand why the wording mattered so much but I totally get it now. When it’s your child, you want to make sure there is a difference between the child and the child’s behavior.
Carter is so much fun to be around. He never stops smiling and laughing and has the kind of smile that reaches his eyes. His love for life is contagious. It’s hard to not keep him with me all the time where I know he can be protected and loved. But I know that is not the answer. He’s going to have to find his own way and our job is to help him.
Say a prayer for him and his teacher today. And pray that God will give us wisdom and discernment. And a little more self-control on my part because if I have another conversation with that person I’m afraid of what may come out of my mouth.
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Mathew 11:28-30
tags: Carter, Love for us 3 comments
Good gifts
Posted: December 20, 2007 at 12:59 am
Guess I haven’t been very diligent about updating lately. Life has been busy.
The quick update is that Carter will start his new school in January and I think his new teacher is going to be wonderful. He got to meet her today and when we left I said, “she sure seems nice.” His response was, “super-duper”. 
The closer Christmas gets the more excited I get. It’s funny how perspectives change after you have kids – I’m no longer excited about the gifts under the tree, at least not my gifts. I CAN NOT WAIT to see Carter’s face when he sees what Santa brings him. And the other gifts, too. I know Gracey will be ecstatic when she sees her “princess dress and jewelry” – I just can’t wait to see their faces.
Back in 2005, Christmas, we were disappointed that we weren’t celebrating with little ones. We knew it would happen within the year, but we were so hoping for a family by Christmas. I can only imagine that God was sitting in heaven, waiting eagerly for February to arrive because He knew that’s when our little gifts would arrive. I know He must have anticipated the looks on our faces and the smiles in our hearts when our dreams became reality. God wants good things for us. He has good things for us. We just have to wait on Him and trust His perfect timing.
tags: Love for us 2 comments
Prayer
Posted: December 8, 2007 at 6:43 pm
How badly do you want your child to talk to you about his/her day at school? Every time I pick Carter up from school or Granny’s or wherever, I try everything I can to get him to tell me about his day. Asking direct questions doesn’t work – I have to let him talk at his own pace and sometimes that means I don’t hear from him on the subject.
It’s funny, because most of the time i know what he did while I was gone. He played with the water hose at Grammy’s, or the rocks at Granny’s or he saw Santa at school. I know the jist and sometimes even the details of what his day was like. But I still want him to tell me. Even if I know he had a blast and loved every minute of it, I want to hear it from him. I want to hear the way he describes and watch his face as he does so.
Just like God wants to hear from me about the details of my life. He wants to see my face and hear the way I describe what is happening. He longs for me to just talk to Him. Even though he already knows every detail.
This just occurred to me yesterday and I don’t think my prayer life will ever be the same again. Just as I wait for Carter to talk to me, God waits for me to talk to Him.
tags: Love for us, prayer 2 comments
Blubbering Idiot
Posted: October 3, 2007 at 12:01 am
Yep. That was me today. The school called about a half hour before I was to pick the kids up and let me know that Carter had another accident. She was calling because the teacher told her I wanted to be called…..but that was only if they thought he did it intentionally. Which, in this case, he didn’t. Not really, anyway. I’ve been a little emotional all afternoon but this just really capped it all off. I LOVE the lady I talk to all the time at the school, I think she is the secretary or something…I don’t know but I just love her and she adores Carter.
Phone rings. My heart drops when I see the number because I know it is the school. here is the conversation:
Me: hello
School: Hi, this is so and so from the school….
Me: CRAP! What do you want? (laughing, because I know her and she laughs too)
School: laughing, well, Carter had another accident today
Me: Was it on purpose?
School: Well, I don’t think so. Immediately afterwards he went and told the teacher so I’m thinking it wasn’t. He was on the playground.
Me: Okay. Thanks for letting me know. I was mainly wanting to be called if he did it on purpose.
School: The teacher said she had everyone go to the potty right before they went outside, but Carter refused to go.
Me: Wait. He REFUSED to go? Was that really an option? I mean, he’s 3.
School: Yeah, I hear you. I was wondering about that too.
Me: I’ve talked with the teacher about his before….he’ll always say no if you ask him but she has to make him go or he’ll have an accident. I don’t know what to do or how to explain this to her without stepping on her toes…..she must exercise her authority as the teacher and make sure he goes to the potty. It can not be optional with him.
School: I can take care of that, don’t worry. You’re right, he can’t just be given the option. He is not the only one that way and he needs supervision while he’s in there, too.
Me: Yes, I agree.
School: I’ll change him and we’ll see you in a bit.
Me: Okay, thanks.
I hang up the phone and I cry. I’m just so sick and freakin’ tired of hearing all the bad things (that are really relatively minor on their own, they just add up) he does. I can’t remember ever being told about something good he’s done at school and I’m just afraid that all the teachers see is the bad or frustrating things.
Carter has a lot of energy and I have no doubt that he gives his teachers a run for their money. But I need to know that his teachers adore him. If they don’t, they need to pretend. I have been very objective up until now and have listened openly and offered suggestions and reinforced at home….. I’ve done everything I can think of. Now I’m just sick of it. I hate taking him to school in the morning and I spend the day dreading the sound of my phone ringing. I get nervous about picking him up because I’m afraid of what they’ll have to say.
I think if I could just hear one thing good a long with the bad, then it would be better. Just reassure me that you are aware that Carter also has good behavior and is really sweet. I mean, do you not get that you are talking about MY BABY? Hell, I know he can be dififcult, I do live with him, after all. But I also know that while he can be a challenge, he also responds well to authority and praise. And he is really a very sweet kid. He’s just a little enthusiastic about life…. 
I have to say that his teacher is really nice. I am sure that she is doing everything she can and is frustrated a bit as well. I just need to know that she is able to see more than just the negative behavior. I also need to be confident that she knows how to be in charge of my son and not let him just do what he wants.
So, about the blubbering. I went in a little early to pick them up and stopped in the office. I really though I had it together but I walked in and immediately started crying. I’m sure I looked like a lunatic. We had a nice talk and they did tell me that the teacher had said up until that point he had a super day. The teacher told them before the accident she was all ready to tell me what a wonderful day he had. I was glad to hear that they told her “mommy still needs to hear that”. So I think they at least get it. They were very nice and supportive. I reiterated that I’m not complaining about the teacher that I think she’s nice, I just need to know that she is able to see the good and the bad, not just the bad.
Did I mention that I kept crying like a blubbering idiot? What an idiot. I really don’t know what came over me. I guess between Sunday School and preschool I’ve just about had it.
Okay, so as long as I’m complaining, let me add the Sunday School bit to it. First off, 3 is way too young to sit in a “children’s church” environment. PER EEE UUUDD You simply can not expect most 3 year olds to be able to sit still and quiet and just listen to a story in an auditorium like setting for more than a few minutes. Second, when Daddyo picked Carter up from Sunday School this past Sunday, they told him that Carter “poured his water out” TWICE. Okay, the first time he pours his water out, shame on Carter. The SECOND time he does it, shame on the teacher for freakin’ giving it back to him. They asked daddyo to bring a sippy cup for him next week. Sorry. Not going to happen. If Carter pours his water out then he just doesn’t need to have it. He’ll get it after having to go without once or twice.
And the Sunday before that when we were there, I left feeling like I just never wanted to go back. And I’m pretty heavily involved in our church. I can only imagine how the parents who might not be very involved felt if they got the same little speech I got. (I heard the same speech being given to another couple as I was leaving) Basically, it all boils down to children’s ministries needing more volunteers but the way it was brought up was just plain rude.
I LOVE my church. I know all churches have issues. I really enjoy the people at my church and what I feel is happening there. I just had a bad day. And I felt bad for the other parents who came after me who I hadn’t seen before. If they were new or visiting, I can promise you they will not be back. And I don’t blame them. Why is it that when adults behave poorly at church it hurts so much more than in other places? I guess the expectations are just higher.
So anyway, the really ironic part of that Sunday was I was listening to a grown up complaining about Carter’s behavior and exhibiting her own bad behavior as she did so. I really wanted to point that out, but it wouldn’t have been in Carter’s best interest. Not long ago, I listened to several moms answer the following question:
“When did you first really feel like a mom?” The answers varied from sleepless nights to vomit to poop. I really couldn’t think of an answer. I guess I “felt” like a mom long before I actually became one, because we prayed for so long and waited for so long. Now I know the answer. I know I am REALLY a mom because I am able to control my tongue in the best interest of my child. When I want to rip someone a new one, I am actually able to refrain from doing so because I know it will only count against Carter eventually. You see, all the rules about behaving nicely at church don’t apply to me – I’d really like to rip someone a new one. How’s that for irony?
I’m so thankful that I serve a God who offers me unconditional Grace. I pray He helps me offer that to others as well.
tags: ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!, Carter, God's Grace 5 comments
Poo-Poo in da pa-teeee!
Posted: June 23, 2007 at 2:35 am
YES! We have poo poo in the potty again today!
Today was a pretty good day but I was exhausted by the time daddyO got home. It was bath time so I got the kids in and then asked if he would take over bathtime and bedtime while I took a hot bath. DaddyO is wonderful about helping out around the house and especially with the kids. He does a great job. But usually I’d feel guilty about leaving him with bath AND bedtime duty all alone. He gave me a very reluctant “yea, babe” so I thanked him and walked out. I stepped back in for something and he said, “where are you going?” DUH! You said you didn’t mind taking care of the kids so I could go and relax! I guess he didn’t think I’d take him up on it.
I’ve learned that every once in a while it’s okay to let him do it all for an evening. Just that extra 45 minutes gave me a nice breather and I was even done in time to take care of Carter’s bedtime routine. And I was able to enjoy it. It’s not that I ever thought him incapable, it’s just that I’d feel guilty about having him do it when he’d been working all day. But heck, I work all day, too!
Did I mention we had poop IN THE POTTY today? And daddyO wasn’t even here.
Carter was rather michevious today and got in trouble on a regular basis. Towards the end of the day after I had just fussed at him about something or other he said, “you love me when I have baaaaaaad behavior. you love me no matter what.” That’s right kid, I love you no matter what. For always.
If you don’t have the children’s book, “No matter what”, I highly recommend it. It’s a great tool in teaching preschoolers about unconditional love. Carter is obviously getting the message.
tags: Carter, Love for us, Parenting, Potty Training 1 comment
Unanswered prayers
Tags: Adoption
Posted: June 21, 2007 at 3:24 am
So much of our married life has been filled with the despair of infertility, the hope of adoption and now the agony of parenting. Ironic, isn’t it?
I have no regrets about our choices. Hindsight is really 50-50 and I can see so many of the “whys” I asked before Carter and Gracey. I’m so grateful we never got pregnant. We are so blessed with Carter and Gracey. I know that God chose them for us and us for them. So I really get frustrated with myself when I start to resent some of the smaller things. I missed the first 22 months of Carter’s life. I never got to have just one baby – I have no idea what it is like to the parent of one child. I missed a lot of alone time with him. I’m also missing alone time with Gracey because she is such a good, easy natured baby, it seems that Carter is the center of much of our activities. I feel like I’m missing out on a lot. When i do have time alone with her, I’m usually so tired that I can’t enjoy it as much as I should. I tend to take advantage of the fact that I can kind of “coast” for a while.
I get plenty of babysitter time but I use that mostly for work. Working part time is a huge blessing and I have no room to complain about it. But I do find myself stressing about it, even when I’m not working. For instance, right now I have a pile of stuff that needs to be done. I can’t do it when I’m here with the kids and when they go to sleep I’m too tired to even think about it.
But I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. I adore my kids. Even when other moms are giving me the evil eye as Carter runs around at gymnastics, I love that kid. And I love his energy and his enthusiasm for life.
Speaking of gymnastics. Sigh. For the first 15 minutes Carter sat on my lap or right next to me crying. He had just woken up from a too short nap and it wasn’t pretty. I went with him to his first station and coaxed him along a bit and he finally started warming up – but he wanted me right there with him. Keep in mind that as I am moving from station to station with him I’m also balancing Gracey on my hip. He finally “woke up” enough that I could go and sit in a chair but he kept a close eye on me. Compared to last week, he was wonderful. He did fall off of something (something he wasn’t supposed to be on) and hurt himself a little and I’m hoping he learned a lesson in that. He did okay, ran off a few times and sat in time out once or twice. Once I put him there myself. We did leave a few minutes early because he wasn’t listening anymore at all and I was just done. I think next week will be better. (fingers crossed)
Maybe you’re wondering about k-man? You know, the friend of Carter’s I invited to tag along because I knew they’d both get into mischief together? He was WONDERFUL. Listened very well, followed directions and had a blast. Showoff.
The thing is, Carter has been really clingy these past few weeks and I’m guessing it has to do with all of the little changes in his life. Potty training, no more MDO for the summer, new Sunday School class, no more high chair, etc….. It’s almost as if he is so ready to be a “big boy” but is still trying to cling to toddlerhood. I’m hoping it is just a phase. I’m just trying to give him lots of reassurance and encouragement.
This is turning into more of a book than a post and I’m all over the place. So be it.
I try to be so sensitive to married people who don’t have children because you never know if it is something they are hoping for or struggling with. I also try to be sensitive to people who have just one child for the same reasons. I know now why no one ever told me “the real deal” with parenting. I just wouldn’t have been able to get it. Just like my friends with no kids can’t understand how there could possibly be days when I just don’t like my kids. Or how my friends with one child could every get that it is so much more difficult with two, especially when they are close together. Okay, so I can’t really compare having two to having just one, but I’m going with what other people have told me. It’s like when you have two children, especially when they are toddlers and/or preschoolers, you are in a secret club. You can say things to each other that you couldn’t say to anyone else. I wonder if that secret club exists for parents of three or more children as well? I’m guessing it does. My hats off to you moms of three or more. I don’t know how you do it. Feel free to drop off one of your kids at my house for the day – but I want the one who is easiest.
tags: Adoption, God's Provision, Infertility 1 comment
Faith to move mountains
Posted: April 27, 2007 at 11:16 pm
Stella. Stella. Stella.
What I want to say to Stella, but can’t. At least not yet. Probably not ever.
Dear Stella,
I am so sorry “the system” has let you down. You should have been removed from the care of your family when you were born and you never should have been returned to them. For fifteen years you have been bounced around from home to home, some relative placements, some straight foster placements and nothing seems to stick. It looks like everywhere you go people give up on you. Your behaviors are difficult to manage but that is not your fault. You don’t deserve what has happened to you and I’m sorry it hasn’t been better.
The good news is that you can decide what happens in your future. You have choices to make and what happens next IS up to you. You can choose to let your past haunt the rest of your life or you can choose to work through it and turn your life into a happily ever after story. It’s up to you now. Your family failed you. “The system” failed you. Society failed you. But you don’t have to fail yourself.
Sincerly,
Your Advocate
UGH. This is hard, guys. Working with a teenager adds a whole new twist to the whole Child Advocates thing because she is old enough to make choices and to have a say in what happens next. I see so many places where Stella is not getting what she needs from CPS. I know, no big surprise there, right? But some of it may be more than what even CPS is able to do. What do I want? I want CPS to move mountains for this girl. It’s what I’m asking and it’s what I’m believing is going to happen. MOUNTAINS. Because one lost girl, one life changed, is worth it.
The Bible says that faith as small as a mustard seed can move a mountain – won’t you help me move a mountain on behalf of Stella? Pray for emotional healing, pray for self-control, pray for the ability for her to make rational decisions, pray for wisdom and pray for her caregiver. She matters.